Kaanch

Hum chhorh chale hain mehfil ko

2007-12-16T21:20:00.000+05:30

It was another weekend and I felt if I must shut this blog down. Ok! Let us do it today. So strange it is to do it na, kya likhen yaar "thank you all" or "good bye"?? haa haa... Fuh! ok let me do it.... ! !!

She was sitting on the chair with newspaper in one hand and probably having her bread or tea in another, mummy was in kitchen, papa... were not here, he had just moved to China, Ruchi was somewhere in the Hall. It was 11:00 A.M. and I had still not bathed... she read in Hindu, definition of "BLOG" and few links. I remember, in those days I used to follow "NetSpeak" column, but this one was missed out, may be because it was a sunday it was in another paper. Within the same week i created my first blog and threw all that i had in head. One day i came here and liked blogspot for the better features. People found me and I found "friends", as the days passed on I met different people, all so loving so caring. I brought in all my everyday routine here, including family and all those puzzles I was into and felt relief that though for a little time things were out of my head. I dont know when but I developed a human-relationship with members here, and soon loosened them whenever I felt comfortable. Some I lost and some I think are still linked, I dont know. Still just wanted to say you all thanks much. Its time that I am leaving now. I can go on and write posts for few more years or more, and I know even almighty will not lift me up if I say "there is one last post pending... ". But I have no more posts pending now, i am done with them all today. :-)

Let me go back and recall my first post at this blog, just a coincidence that I then had the same title...

-----------------

Another turning point... fir se packing... fir se hum banjaare ek aur ghar chorhne wale hain. Within 5-6 months we shall be vacating Vellore. It was in April 1994 that we stepped in here. This house then would seem so lonely.... aisa lagtaa tha jaise har cheez khaane ko daudti ho.
I still remember those initial days... how I would wonder when I first ever saw a coconut ON THE TREE of our house. I had always seen a coconut with its outer cover off, but here it was something orange and looked pulpy on the tree. Didi and myself hunted a very long stick and we started to try dropping one. As soon as we finish our lunch we would go out, stand over the compound and shake the targeted coconut with stick. The girl at our top floor would then keep frightening us that house-owner may arrive any time. But we continue to ignore her. Alas! After two day’s continuous trials we made it fall. To our dismay though it looked pulpy but actually it wasn’t…. rather it was hard. However we tasted its water.
Now after ten years here.... everything is changed. I wonder how man adapts himself to the surroundings. Duniya banaanewale tune ajeeb duniya banaayi. This house doesnt talk but then... i dont know why at some corner in my heart i feel a sorrow of I would be missing it. Though i have 5-6 months time ahead, i just feel a kind of freezing when i think of the moment when I would leave this house forever. We dont owe it though. Dheere dheere saara saaman bhi bechnaa padega. TV, Fridge, Washing Machine, dressing table and all blah blah should be out. Including this PC??? Ya... Papa mailed and strictly said it should all be sold out as soon as possible. Will I be able to leave it? Pataa nahi... Though these things can not talk but I do have a feeling for them.... Oh! So foolish of me... Jab in bejaan cheejon ka hi itnaa dard hai toh doston ka kya hoga...

-----------------

Hmm... ghoom fir ke oosi title pe aagaye re, aur pahle se ab tak hadd se jyaada samajhdaar aur hadd se jyaada serious ho gayaa hai re tu! !! Not good.

aur laptop kab kharidega?

paise ikatthe kar liye hai maine par...

par kya? kharcha hai saamne, kisiko do-chaar hazaar diye hain lena hai, dusri company join karne ka plan hai, par logon ki soch rahaa hai, nahi? ha ha... tu nahi sudharegaa...

See you all, take care and yesh, kEeP sMiLiNg aLwAyS! !! Bole to aise.... :-)

Woh jahaaz ka panchhi...

2007-12-15T22:24:00.000+05:30

Jhandi ki choti par,
woh jahaaz ka panchhi...

Subah hote hi,
bina sahaare,
apne pankh pasaare,
chhod kar kashti,
udd jaata hai nirdisha ki or...

Na daane ki talaash,
na paani ki pyaas,
paani?
siwaa khaare paani ke,
ab hai hi kya chaaron or,
Ghoslaa to door,
dharti ka tukda bhi mile,
to apne aap ko khushkismat samjhe...

Anjaan jagah par atak gayaa hai,
Bhool kar apni oos bhool ko,
ke woh bhoole se bhatak gayaa hai,
Din bhar me aisee kitnee hi,
naakam koshishen kar,
Fir laut aata hai,
jhandi ki choti par,
Woh jahaaz ka panchhi...

It would be too obvious (title not changed :P )

2007-12-14T21:44:00.000+05:30

Yes, i would not be surprised if "The Namesake" bags one or two oscars. I dont know what an oscar is all about, may be i am taking it too likely but when i watched the movie on a late night show in satyam, unlike other movies i did feel the waves, as here, the scenes were not planted, colours were natural and the flow was medium.

There is basically no story, no lead role, no fights no arguments no violence no happiness and no sorrows. It is as plain as simple picturisaion, a reflection, a simple reflection from the silent camera that would have been moving around and getting into a family and recording its daily incidents. If you really want to watch there is lot and lot to watch in it, feel Tabu's reaction as soon as she gets to know that her husban is dead, she has no clue what to do she just roams around in search of nothing, when in theatre he asked me "what is she doing?" i said "she is missing her husband...", watch tabu so casually sitting on a thanga in calcutta.... and the remix of mukesh "yeh mera deewanapann hai..." running in background to spice up the post-wedding scene.

Guess kaanch, just now i have been writing, now i got a call from my homeland, i dont know whose number is it? woh rishte bataate hain... hum tumhaare iske-uske bhai ke yeh-woh hain...

"appu to humse baat hi nahi karta humne socha hum baat karen"

how do i make them realize its around 15+years since i am out of the place, and it is hard to recall whose home i visited in those "yearly-once" travels. All that i have in my head is a picture of the old house, my grandma, uncle aunt their kids and few more relatives. Inn 17-18 saalon me kahan se kahaan pahunch chuka hoon main, i dont know for what reason i was brought out, papa ki tarah mujhe sabke saath rishte nibhana nahi aata, i used to but now i dont believe in managing people, main nahi maanta ki rishte isliye nibhaaye jaane chaahiye ki unhe nibhana pade, hum jaat-paat ki baat karte hain, hum auron se kahte hain, hindu-muslim sab ek hain, par kya hum khud iss seema ke baahar aaye hain, today if i marry a girl of other caste all these relationships will segregate, i would be out of what they call "community" but nobody thinks if I am already out from 17 years. Arey main to kahta hoon yeh "community" hi hai jo fasaad ki jadd hai, relationships and religions are made so that man can live with comfort, man doesn't go wild, one doesn't interrupt other's living, but when religion itself becomes questionbale or hinderance to one's freedom then the religion has no meaning, no value. And I am not saying all these things because i have people around from other community, instead of my relatives but yes, i do feel for this dangling between two worlds. I do accept here kaanch, that there are one-sided relationships from my homeland, mere chacha mama and all those people, may be for them i may still be live in thoughts but over times for me they have become memories. I can't think of going back home be with them and i dont also feel the freedom to vision ahead and move on...

Filhaal kuch title sujh nahi raha...

2007-12-12T22:00:00.000+05:30

Virtual world and real world, how far is the reality with the virtual world? how far is the artificiality in the real-world? read about it, felt about it and I still find myself in two different worlds. Single soul wrapped in two different outsets. Pataa hai kaanch, from past few days one guy was around me on orkut, or i dont know if i was around him, baat karne se pataa chalta hai dil ka bahut narm dil insaan hai, dusron ki bahut sochta hai, aajkal orkut pe do community run karne ke alawa mujhe aur kuchh kaam nahi hai, achhanak oos se takra gaya aur baat yahin pe aake ruki ki dosti ki jaaye ya nahi... main taalta rahaa ek taraf to yeh ki ooske saath thoda sakthi se pesh aao aur dusri taraf yeh ki kahin uska narm dil sakth na ho jaaye... khair i came to scribble about virtual world. Seedhe seedhe bole to as owner of this community i am happy

-Puneet

ke aaj teen saal ho gaye. Taarikhen yaad nahi rahti mujhe, ise bhi kuchh dinon pahle hi dekha tha. Log aaye log gaye kuchh se meri anban bhi hui, main jitna kam bolke jitna jyaada kuchh kar sakta thaa maine kiya... kyunki samajhne wale meri khamoshi samajh jaayenge aur na samajhne walon ke aage mera bolna nir-arth hi hai. Ek taraf hindi poetry community, poulation list me "number one " hai to dusri or darr bhi lagtaa hai ki itni saari jindagiyan ek jagah hain, yeh aur baat hai ki unme se ek, haan ek insaan ko maine khud nahi bulaya, log apni marzi se aaye hain aur chhorh ke gaye hain, fir bhi kya inn sabka jimmedar main hoon? aur kahaan tak chalunga main inn sabko lekar, agar kahin ko main ruk gaya to, kya log aate rahenge jaate rahenge aur main younhi aavak jaavak dekhta rahunga? shaayad.... fir sochtaa bhi hoon ki main bahut sochtaa hoon. Par kaanch, main bhagwaan nahi hoon, i have become an inspiration for some people, log sir kahke bulate hain, kal yeh mail mila,

"akhil ji aapka likha kuch nahi hai padne ke liye....on
poetry......plz write something...........or let me know how i can read
ur work"

Ek taraf guroor hota hai ki mere bhi fans hain, dusri or sab korapan sa mehsus hota hai. Main apne aap ko logon me dhoond leta hoon, log apne andar mujhe kyun nahi dhoond paate? likhunga aur zaroor likhunga....

The tamaasha series...

2007-12-07T21:40:00.000+05:30

Jab jee chaaha patthar uchhaal diye,
Jab jee chaaha lage huye parde nihaar liye...
Kabhie haathon se jami huyi os pochh dee...
Kabhie holey se khat-khataaya,
To kabhie tootate konon par,
do kheel aur thonk dee...
Ab taank-jhaank karne lage hain mere andar,
Mujhe yakin ho chalaa hai,
koi raushandaan puraanaa ban gayaa hoon main...
Log wah-wah karne lage hain meri har baat par,
Mujhe yakin ho chalaa hai,
aaj fir,
aaj fir ek tamaashaa ban gayaa hoon main...

Basic psychiatry as i see it

2007-12-06T22:08:00.000+05:30

"-the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.

-your consciousness of your own identity "

Pataa hai kaanch, I am full of ego today, ego i went ahead to search in dictionary and ego bole to "conscious of self", I see a poet in me, i see a philosopher in me, i see a thinker in me, i see programmer in me, and is it this conscious thing that puts me away from people? may be... off late i have discovered a calm psychiatrist in me. I dont know how good I am at it but i believe man lives with a pattern, a pattern that froaths up over times of his existence, the so called "character" is nothing but the mental pattern, his beliefs his thoughts and his actions, and you can study these patterns, a child knows when his father is going to get angry or beat him, because though partially but he has studied the pattern of his father. Infact, as child we learn faster and as we grow we start wondering in the worldly things, we stop learning, at he moment i do not want to come on whether man should keep learning as he grows or not. As a child, the patterns in us are not formed, the head is empty just like an empty vessel or bowl, it is not pre-filled, the character is not formed, but as we grow on, lots and lots things start getting into head, slowly turning into our beliefs and disbeliefs, should the word "culture" fit here? may be "city culture", "village-culture" and even the spirituality element starts dissolving. I am a vegetarian, but i dont say eating non-vegetarian is a sin, neither is the thing that i want people to turn themselves into vegetarian. I dont drink, but then i dont mean drinking is not good, people who drink have committed sins, or smoking is bad. I would say, it is all fine to drink, it is all fine to drink and drive, and it is even still fine to drink and driver and hit, but to hit any life-less object, because when you hit someone or someone's belongings you then cross your limits. By birth i am a hindu but my life experience says, religion is false, self-belief is true. I almost have everything clear and straight except for the part what to do when you are hit, because then i have no go, go ahead and believe that "tit for tat" or go beyond and move one step ahead of mankind, try becoming GOD and behave to change another person's thought? It is here that i fail. Anything to everything is right, anything to everything is good, do-able as long as it doesnt interrupts someone else's living, and anything to everything is wrong if someone is hurt. All relationship starts with love and understanding and every relationship goes to grave with absence of these both. It is love that drives this world and is a "purpose" of your existence. You are living because of your affection towards your father, mother, brother, sister, friends, lover, husband, wife, son, daughter.

Music sunon yaaron

2007-11-28T21:30:00.000+05:30

There are songs you want to hear and there are songs you want to sing. There are songs which simply pitch up and get with the flow and there are songs which disslove slowly. If i start humming... "Australia se lekar americaaaaaaaaa" and give a sudden pause, you cant stop yourself without "made in indiaa... ek pyaara soniya..." and further english combination with so pure word like soniya... ummmm utna akhregaa nahi... the song simply pitches up, lyrics? cant's say bad, but music takes over, music rocks, music dominates... well that was famous album by alisha, there is another non-filmi but a remix of an old song, can't say recently released but yes it was few years down the line when i heard it first time, should be around 3-4 years? shaayad... DJ Doll remix... kuchh aisa hi naam tha, kaliyon ka chaman.

"Hey hey... haa haa... hey hey... " and slowly the song dissolves. It takes time but as wth time we get into the rhythm of it, we start tapping hey hey haa haa... Should we give credit to the so well and so repetive pattern of music and also of lyrics? pataa nahi, but the song first pitches up, then slowly dissolves, it doesn't rock but keeps itself alive inspite of those "non-melodious but still good to hear" beats. As I said there are songs which you want to hear and there are songs you like to sing... how many times have you sang "Raat kali ek khwaab me aayi aur gale kaa haar hui...". Plenty... plenty of times, not for music but for the "natkhat-chulbula" lyrics. You dont like to hear this song, rather you want to sing it yourself "subah ko jab hum neend se jaage", now there is another song, "Panna ki tamannaa hai ki heera mujhe mil jaaye" sang it ever? probably never... but liked to hear? may be many a times. The song doesn't pitch up at first, but dissolves and dissolves as it moves on.... music sunon yaaron! !! closing time for the browsing center, that's it for tonight, good night. :)

...

2007-11-26T22:46:00.001+05:30

Boonden zyaada der tahani par latakti nahi,

Mujhe tujhse judaa to hona hi tha,

Fir bhi Ae khuda!

main shukr-guzaar hoon tera,

kuchh waqt ke liye hi sahi,

Tera haath mere sar par to tha...

Oh almighty I thank you for being there. I dont know what is the reason that you let my soul wander on this earth, they say you come to this earth if you still have sins left in your account, when will my account of sins get over? can you tell me how much is left? and why is it that with every new life we lose our memories, i mean why the account for which we are here is always hidden, I remember almost every wrong thing that i did from my childhood and i believe i have suffered enough for them... is there something still left? when shall all this be over? I dont say i did not love being here on this earth, I have loved every thing created by you, but just a thought, what made you create the negative things? were you too helpless? is what they say in quraan and bible about satan and shaitaan true? you too have rivals kya? why dont you come down someday and meet me, bless me that i can again be lost in this worldly things, there is long way to go, so long you see, will you be there? do you read this? may be you would have been the first to leave this place na... time to go now, talk to you some other day.

Do mutthi mungfali ke daane

2007-11-24T14:32:00.000+05:30

Masti me uchhal rahe the,
Ek-dooje ka mail mal rahe the,
Ya youn kahun,
Museebat me pyaar se gale mil rahe the...
Do mutthi mungfali ke daane,
Aaj subah tapeli me ubal rahe the...

.

...

2007-11-22T22:54:00.000+05:30

Chor machaaye shor...

2007-11-21T22:57:00.000+05:30

Kya miliye aise logon se jinki fitrat chhupi rahe,
Nakali chehraa saamne aaye asali soorat chhupi rahe...

You know what kaanch, the most basic philosophy that i have learnt by myself is to do whatever you want, drink, drive, shout, dance, jump, be quite, laugh, cry, eat, smile do whatever you want, yes all the good and all the bad thing you feel like, but dont do anything that crosses somebody else's freedom or somebody's else life, and I have been to it atleast I trust myself I have. Today at lunch time i happen to see the news about SRK and BCCI clash. somewhere SRK was questioned for being at the playfield and blamed for promoting his films. It simply made me feel so absurd, I dont know what exactly was the whole news all about and I am not talking as being SRK fan. Someone makes a film, someone plays on the field, someone buys the ticket, someone watches the game leagally, what the fuss is all about questioning? I ask you kaanch, had film-industry ever questioned/banned any sportsman for acting in some advertisement?? Khair jo bhi ho, i am not here to talk about the same thing over, there was something else I came here for I am here to fire this one guy...

Yes him here.

For he,

Copied
"Ek arse baad lauta hai musaafir apne ghar me aise,
Sab kuchh lut chuka ho raat beete safar me jaise..."

and
"Gumsum chup chaap wahin khadi rahi,
Khud se baatein chaar karti rahi"

and few more poems from my another blog.

Yes you Amit Verma or whatever name you are being known by... I dont know what was the necessity of you to impersonate me and suck the poetry-part of my soul... but i am hurt. And i am not writing this post out of anger or being hurt, I am writing it because if you ever read this you get to know that even people other than you exist... doesn't your own soul ever question you?? is it alive? is it conscious?

Ummm.. Khokhalapan Vs recursive processes...!!

2007-11-20T21:52:00.000+05:30

Sochtaa hoon ab chhorh doon par fir wahi ki waqt bahut lagaa hai, jimmedari se bhaag nahi rahaa hoon par kya main iss kaabhil hoon, bahut si aisee cheejen hain jo shaayad mujhe karni chaahiye par shaayad unke alaawa bhi bahut si satah par kuchh cheejen hain jinka na hona hi achha hai, ha ha... kabhie kabhie lagtaa hai chhat hoon, kabhie kabhie lagtaa hai kuchh hai hi nahi hamaare beech, kabhie kabhie lagtaa hai reedh hoon, astitva kya cheej hoti hai kaanch? yeh hoti bhi hai ya nahi?? khokhlapan hi hai, aur shaayad yeh khokhlaapan hi "hai" ki list me aata hai... chhrh thinking is recursive process, :P Chalo kuchh quotes, kuchh four liners samet lete hain....
Rang badale,Dhang badale,Chalo ab ke hum bhi,sabke sang badale...
There were two context when I remember these lines of my own, one was when I changed this template, another when the new concern was taking over ours and all the official things that were changing including the desktop on each machine.
"Main dar se dartaa hoon."Its a recursive process. And case is same with anger, anger makes you angry and process goes on. Similar thing is with hate, it was only when I wrote "I hate the word hate" I realized it was a recursive process heading in wrong direction. By saying hating the word hate, i am doing nothing but increasing hate. Fooh! Time to pack up...

Happy Childrens Day!!

2007-11-14T22:00:00.000+05:30

Now why was that... bas chalte chale jaana hai, saal me teen sau paisath din hote hain, aur cycle fir waapas aa jaati hai, waapas? haan waapas isliye ki aadmi bhaagta nahi chaltaa jaaye, ek baar mud ke pichhe bhi dekhe... pataa nahi? ya fir shaayad to think of a endless calendar would be unimagenable.... khair chhodiye inn baaton ko, it was a different day at office, had a different occasion, and as always i had been silently yet observing it all... the family celebrations with parents and kids... different games and different funny things happening... guess about these things in tamil/english/hindi with small kids...

You ask a kid,
"what game do you like?"
"what?"
"Do you like cricket? football? game... which game do you like the most?" and he replies back...
"Game-aaa???? Video-Game!!!"

Some games like, where you ask them...
"What you want to become when you grow up?"
he doesnt unerstand... and you repeat... what will you become when you grow-up biiiigg... and he replies... "when i become big, i would become big! !!" :P

How about watching kids with a spoon in mouth and lemon in spoon and making them walk... they dont even understand what it is all about all they konw is "who comes first will get first prize" and you know what first prize for a kid means... no spoon no leamon they are ready to run... the organizing members are running behind and somehow synchronizing them... and even then the last kid with spoon in his mouth is lost watching the tree on the board... he is not even conscious that he is playing a game, mouth half open, still holding the spoon facing straight but eyes crossed, is he gazing thermocol painting on his left... ??
Funny few hours, little browsing and now back to room... happy children's day to you all. Let the kid in you be alive. :)

...

2007-11-13T22:05:00.000+05:30

...tez gussa, aankhon me sapne, har cheez me kuchh na kuchh nayaa chahiye, be it the bed-sheet of the room or cleaning of shelf or slab, be it any masala-eatables in the evening, be it the T.V. remote, or be it heavy argument on the tea-table,

har pal kahin na kahin kuchh na kuchh kaisa na kaisa honaa chaahiye,

yeh aisa hai, yeh aisa hona chaahiye,

woh waisa hai, woh waisa hona chaahiye,

yeh agar aisa nahi hai to yeh aisa kaise ho saktaa hai?

One thing she doesn't like is the milk at the time of sleeping, she and mummy always had their quarrel. Saath saath, har jagah saath saath, ek hi saath khele, ek hi saath padhe, ek hi saath bade huye, l.k.g, u.k.g se lekar aathvin tak, ek hi class me, almost ek hi bench pe baithe, ek hi saath khaana khaaya, gaanv ke do school-first, faridabad ke first-time english medium ke strange candidate jo saare subject me duffer par sanskrit me hamesha top-scorers, they even used to ask if we were twins, :)) kahte hain dewaas me to l.k.g me madam padhaati thi aur main teri god me so jaata thaa, aur gaanv me dopehar ke do-se-chaar tak.... radio ke saath daasahab ka ganit,

"Yeh... aakashwani hai, ab aap.... se samachar suniye... america ke pradhanamantri ne kahaa hai... .................. samaachar samaapt", sakhti ke saath padhaai chaaloo...

Since past two years I have only heard her, I have shouted, I have smiled, I have forced her to talk to me and talk to me the truth always and she would say me

"Tere ko bola tha na mummy ko mat bataana"and like,

"aaj kal tujhe meri yaad nahi aati",

"kya baat hai aaj kal tujhe bahut yaad aati hai?",

at times,

"kitni baar bola tere ko, yahaan pe sab so rahe hain tu raat ko phone mat lagaaya kar",

"abhie main somi ko padaa rahi hoon",

"abhie main khaana banaa rahi hoon",

"abhie main office me hoon,"

"appu please appu abhie nahi baad me lagaa le"

"tune mere mobile ka puchha",

"tu hameshaa aisa hi karta hai",

"appu beta kaise ho?", and at times she won't pick up the calls, and today we both dont talk much... ooski apni zidd hai aur meri apni, she doesn't understand me and i am tired of hopes, samay ke saath saath main bahut badaa ho gayaa hoon... shaayad tujhse bhi badaa... ! !!

Huhu ! !! Belated deewali ! !! :)

2007-11-11T22:50:00.000+05:30

Huh, If you guessed it right, then yes it is another year here... I had this template in mind, not template exactly but the clock there. Should be around two years back, when i wrote one of my post on time, i was simply browsing around if i can find something some good picture, and found this one on wikipedia.
And I had it that a cool "black and black" was in making, slowly yesterday after little work out, themes got set, colours, borders and the rest. I still want to make this place live, will add few more gifs or may be i can save them for another one. Because this one is little professional touch, jyaada animated gifs achhi nahi lagengi, let me see. The one that you see there above "Hum to aise hain bhaiyaa" was possessed long back during my college days, and same is the case with the sunset bird there... ha ha, there is a story with the sunset bird, i wrote in those times. Let me collect it back, yep here it goes...

"I believe in life of a "sunset bird" where you start a new mission with every morning, put your heart and soul in it, and wait for the result at marvelous sunset. Of course that does not close my perspective on life. It is a place where in you come across many people, some become friends, some come even closer, some go away, some you want to get departed, some you remember, some you forget, not surprisingly sometimes you are forgotten, sometimes you cry, and sometimes you wait for someone to shed tears for you... and sometimes... sometimes... and sometimes even flying bird stops to fly, like the bird at right. Wait and watch... did it or not... ? Wait for a while... did it..? You say "No..." Then you did not understand my view on life. Wait... now if you whole-heartedly say, yes you were patient enough to see it stopping then I tell you that's what life actually means to me---patience. "

Festival seasons are over here, diwali is slowly settling up, bachchon ki zidd abhie bhi jaari hai, shaam ko chhote-bade pataakhe abhie bhi chhootate hain. Sochaa tha "Om Shanti Om" dekhenge, house-full, fir socha "Saanwariyaa" but that too :((, aaj woh patang bhi nikaali, i tell you hawaa achchi to it is easy thing, agar hawaa nahi to bas gaye kaam se, apni kismat achhi thi, par oos dhaage ke chakkar me rah gayaa, dheel dheel de, dheel de and it went few meters fastly lekin jaise hi hawaa ruki to kheench kheench ke dhaaga wahin ikattha hogayaa aur fir ooske baad... na tum jaanon na hum, pura dhaaga ek rui ke jaisa, bahut koshish ki par nahi suljhaa re... :((

Chaar din jaise taise nikal gaye... wish you all a belated deewali. I am thinking to take a break from this place, not now may be after few more posts. Probably in Jan and Feb there shall be too many gaps. :P Can't say could not visit you all, rather did no visit you all from past 9-11 months. Hope all is fine with everyone. Friends, readers, visitors, bloggers and everyone out there, have fun and take care. :)

Inn panchhiyon ko dekh kar

2007-11-05T15:40:00.000+05:30

Kal dopehar ko khane ke liye taala lagate waqt jab kati-patang mili tab socha nahi tha ki dusre din baarish hogi. Patang uthayi, aaspas dekha woh log bhi nahi the. Patang andar rakhi, its mine now, kal main patang udaaunga... aur kal? subah se paani gire jaa rahaa hai, chhut-put patakhe baj rahe hain, deewali kareeb hai... should be around 10 when I left to sarvana-bhavan for mornign breakfast. Naashte ke baad wahaa se guzar rahaa tha, tab inpe nazar gayi, do pinjre, aluminium ke taar ke gol-gol aur upar me ek hook jaisa jiske sahaare unhe pakada jaa sake... woh love birds nahi chhoti chhoti chidiyaen thi, chaar isme, chaar oosme aur pure milake aath, dekhte hi ek hi baat sujhi fenk de paise aur uda de yahin ka yahin... aaspas dekha to footpath pe woh pinjron se thodi door pichhe baitha tha, ghutne mude huye aur haath ghutnon par, kaafi fursat me thaa ya shaayad intezaar me ki mere jaise raah chalton ki nazar me aa jaaye yeh pinjre... i simply asked
"Evalo?"
and he said each one was 100 Rs. and... "you can give food, water..." and i did not care to listen what else he wanted to say, paas me hi citibank atm, pataa nahi gussa tha ya junoon, swipe karke sau ke do note nikaal liye. Aur aate se hi usko de diye, jee me aaya ki abhie uski aankh ke saamne hi donon ke donon pinjre kholun aur yahin ki yahin ek ek karke aathon ki aathon chidiyan oosko dikha dikha ke udaaun... par dar ki kahin kauwe khaa nahi jaayen, bas paise diye aur pinjre utha ke chal diyaa.. do kadam jaane ke baad sawaal aaya, ab kya karun inka? room me leke jaaun par wahaa bhi kaid hi rahenge bechaare... daana-paani ki baat nahi hai... kahin kisi acchi jagah udaa doon, par bechaaron ka na to ghosla hai, udte se hi kisi ped par jaayenge aur fir kaauwe ki chapet me aa jaayenge, and I re-remember all those psychic incidents of my childhood, kya karen papa ne woh love-birds kisi "pakshi-teerth" me udaaye the... yeh pakshi teerth kahaa hoga? kya wahaan pe kauwe nahi honge? kya koi aisee jagah hai jahaan birds paale jaate hon? pinjra nahi par sirf khula badaa maidaan jahaan bahut se pakshi baithte hon? yeh vedanthangal zoo kahaan hai? abhie vedanthangal chalen? wahaan pe bhi to khuli jagah hi hoti hogi, kauwe wahaan bhi to hote honge? fir wahaan me aur yahaa me fark kya? inhe khuli jagah ki zaroorat to hai par ghosla bhi to chahiye, jahaan yeh mehfooz rah saken, par ghosla udte se hi kahaan banega? abhie to yeh pinjra hi inke liye ghosla hai, thinking all these i was simply walking towards vadapalani, where will i be going, thoughts and simply thoughts and i simply kept walking, kuchh mat kar bhagwaan ka naam le aur udaa de, jiski jo kismat woh wahin pahunch jayega? kismat? kismat to unki pinjron me likhi thi fir tu unhe utha ke kyun laaya? to kya maine bura kiya? kya karun, and i realized i was near Raahat plaza almost near to the vadapalani bus-stop. kya karen? chal koi achhi jagah dekhte hain aur wahi udaa denge... koi park vagairah, paas me browsing center me gayaa,
"do you have browsing here?"
"yes" he looked at the cages but did not mind questioning.
"hope you dont mind me having them with me."
"no, i would need your identity proof, like license number or identity card" it was strange, browsing centers asking for id-proof, may be thoda hi-fi hoga and it was, because he had some automatic software to log the timings of you spend on browsing, the clock runs as you click "Activate", when you are away to make a call you can click "pause" that will not count your hours. Cool! So by the time i am calling some birds-care number i dont have to pay for my unused internet charges, while i can still be holding the queue. I kept the cages near there, thodi browsing ki and got a number somewhere on the net,
"do you accept birds?"
"yes".
"Can you tell me your address...".
Soon i paid him off and came to main road, took an auto without giving it any second thought. Vadapalni to velacherry... how will he go via Guindy? how will that new place be? i know they keep dogs there? do they keep birds as well? par rakhenge to kahaan pinjre me? then they are better in this itself aren't they? to kya uda doon? and I look at the cage hichakolon me ek cage waale chup-chaap baithe the and in the other they were all jumping? do they need water? wahaan pe kya milega inhe? baajra khaate honge, nahi? pyaase to nahi hai? pata nahi kabse se baitha hoga woh inhe leke? dikhne me koi gaanv ka hi lagtaa tha, kahin ped se pakad kar laaya hoga... agar yeh nayi jagah pe bhi pinjre me hi rahe the to isse achha hai ki tu inhe uda dena... par kya uda dena achha hoga? kya aisa nahi ho sakta ki yeh thodi din aadhi khuli aadhi band jagah me rahe, itni badi ki inki udne ki shakti waapas aa jaaye, aur jab yeh free ho jaayen to itni shakti rahe ki apne aap ko bachaa sake, dikhne me to chidiyon ke jaaise hi hain, ek ghar banaunga main bhi chidiyon ka, jo ki badaa hona chahiye jisme sirf chidiyan rahti hon, jhuka hua sa greenery ke jaisa lamba hona chahiye aur band bhi, band? nahi sirf ek darwaaje ke liye jo darwaaja hamesha khula rahe, t.v. me dikhate hain na entrance ke jaisa, main thoda entrance badaa rakhunga, jhuka hone ki wajah se kauwe nahi aayenge, haan kauwe band jagah me nahi rahte, kbahie dekha nahi hai, aur aise band jagah me yeh chidiyan safe rah sakti hain, rahti bhi aisi hi jagah hongi, chhoti chhoti, faridabad me ghar ke kitchen me ghosla tha unka, to aise me yeh chidiyan khuli bhi rahengi, aazad bhi, safe bhi aur inka apna ghar bhi, jab jee chaahe udd jaayen aur jab jee chaaha greeneries ke ghoslon me aa jaayen... kitna paisa lagtaa hoga aisa ghar banaane me? koi aisa ghar kyon nahi banaata? to jis jagah main jaa raha hoon kya woh banaate honge aisa ghar? kya main aisa ghar banaa sakta hoon? mere paas itne paise nahi hai? itne paise ikatthe karne ke liye mujhe ya to social worker banana padega, ya fir khoob jam ke mehnat karni padegi, social worker? politics me utarega kya? aur agar itni mehnat karke aisa ghar banaaunga, papa to sochenge kya iss faaltoo cheejon me dimaag lagata rahtaa hai? aisa kyun sochte hain sab, kya hai jo main hoon, kya hai jo main nahi hoon, sab chhorh kar chalaa jaaun, kisiko bina bataaye, chhod kahaan kho gayaa... and I looked around, auto was crossing saidapet... he asked me,
"where you want to go in velacherry?"
"near checkpost, we will have to enquire, i need to give these birds there."
and before Anna-university we turned towards velacherry...
he paused at a place and asked someone,
"where is checkpost?" and he said,
"keep moving..."
Soon we reached Blue Cross, from the main road we had to get few metres inside. Though it was raining heavily, the watchman seems to hear the auto-voice and opened the door, we got in. It was a big park like, lots and lots of trees, i think all the regions near IIT have same touch, there is a gandhi mandapam, there is children's park, there is anna-univerisity and they all have lots and lots of trees and all those regions have the wild-life-like thing. I took the cage, and my eyes started searching for "ghar" for these eight-lives. I could see two house-like-structures, one was on left that seemed to be like some reception and other one like the main entrance or something baaki pura wild-life. I reached near the first one and read the small board there "patient". Yeh patient to nahi hai, but will they accept them? phone pe to yahi kahaa tha... nahi hoga to main udaa doonga... ek haath me umbrella, ek haath me cage+umbrella, there were three people, two were in white-and-white like doctor and one was in dark-black-brown tea-shirt with half-pant, as i reached near, maine baahar se hi puchha...
"do you accept birds? "
they were looking at me. The guy with tea-shirt shook his head, as if asking me to come in. Andar gayaa, and i asked them again.
"Can you accept them?"
They looked at one another, he got the cage with me, started playing with them,
"what bird is it? love-bird..?"
"not love-bird, looks like wild-birds... where you got them?"
"I got them on road..."
"On road??"
"yeah i mean somebody was selling them and i got them from there..."
"and how much you paid for them?"
"i paid two hundred for both."
"two hundred, along with the cages"
"yes"
and he smiled and kept smiling, after a pause he asked, "what do you want to do with them?"
"Its upto you do whatever you want, but they shall be free..."
he did not care to answer but continued his smile.
"i can let them fly but i fear if crow will kill them, and i cant have them caged as well... i can keep them in my house but even there they would remain caged..."
"ok come.. 200 rupees is nothing, there are how many? 1,2... 8 do you think each of them costs 25 rupees?" He kept his hand on my shoulder and we moved towards the inner-office.
"what do you do?"
"I am a software engineer."
"where?"
"near Teynampet. "
"that's really nice. " and we reached in, andar dekha to it was different thing, bade bade pinjron ke andar, chhote chhote pinjre me kutte billi band the, and there were some people, doing some office work, like writing or something, a white dog was sitting and sleeping near the floor, some old-women were too supporting the office, one was holding some plate with rice-food items, he shown the cages to him,
"sir have brought some birds, and he wants them to be rescued..."
he said "these?"
"yes these..."
"will they be ok in those birds area?"
"yes let us see..."
and we walked behind, pichhwade me ek aur ghar thaa, but it had steps, and was constructed at a height, is there the birds are placed, where is the greenery? these birds are not hurt or anything, they are good, only thing they need is free shelter? am i going to drop them to another cage? kya yeh silsila younhi chalta rahega? baat yahin pe khatam nahi hoti yaar, i was still thinking... and he said,
"amma kodai ethunu va..."
"i am having umbrella"
"Oh you have one, ok then let us go..."
on the way i asked him,
"what is your name?"
"satish..."
"since how long are you associated with this place?"
" i work for call center, i come here on weekednds..."
and we both shared a very small rapport. We reached the upper cage. Bina dewaaron ke woh ek badaa haal tha, deewaron ki jagah wired-grills lage the, ek rabbits ka section, ek billi ka, ek chuhoon ka and ek jisme, kabootar, parrots, aur do mynaa...
"we cant have them in this, they will fly..."
i was still hesitant to shift them there, i did not answer,
"we can shift them in this small cage, atleast they will have little more free space to fly... "
Bigger cage is not freedom, we live in houses but we do want to move out, how much? there is no limit... man has reached mercury and he still wants to go beyond and there is not limit then why here?
"there is no other choice..." I felt i have to compromise. I was still in dilemma to take life-death chances and set them free than to cage them intentionally. I could not decide...
he said, "we will shift them in this one."
and i said, "ok", the cage was a big box, the opening was on top, he could open and put this cage inside the box and open it there, he tried to shift them there, one, two.. meanwhile she came,
"you can simply open it and push them easily... "
"iruma... "
and one simply flew out, it flew and went to inside the grills into the room-like bigger cage, there were rats downside but in small-small cages in the room. I could still go out and fly-off but it simply stick itself with the grills on the, did not care to go? or afraid or?
"hey... it flew off... see it is not going out.. shall we shift them there?"
"yes we can do that...", a room looked better than the box,
"come then... "
one insde the room-like cage, two in the small cage that was to be transferred, one in the box like and rest four yet to be freed... we took the two and went to the room-like and transferred these there they all three started flying in middled of the room and suddenly stick to the grills, and after a pause all flew off ouside...
"hey they are wild they can fly...."
"oh lets fly all of them then" I dont know when we emptied the other cage then... and when they got vanished. one was still inside the box-like one. He took it out in hand... and looked at me,
"do you want to fly this one?"
"it may bite, no probs you hold it."
"ok come..."
we came out and stood near those steps.
he paused for a while and said,
"here you go..." and it vanished in the same direction where others had headed.

Still exploring myself.

2007-11-02T21:00:00.000+05:30

Puchh sakta hoon aapko gussa kis baat ka hai? Main nahi jaanta aap kis mijaaz ke insaan ho, kuchh mahinon se dekhta thaa aap logon ko haunsalaa badhaa rahe the, and the way some people were coming and telling me taht I must moderate my community well to avoid it from spam and vulgar posts I even thought if i can go ahead and make some moderators for the community, and you could be one among them, but I dont know.... i saw a new face of you today, and i am not aware if this is real you or subconscious you. Andhera itna badh chuka hai ki logon se to jaisa darr sa lagta hai, par iss bar khamosh rah ke sahunga nahi, aap jo bhi ho, main apni baat saaf aur sajhe dhang me kah dena chahta hoon aur ganimat hogi jo aap ise gussa na samjhe.

Agar aap samajhte ho ki browsing center me baith ke main roz logon ki kavitaayen padhta rahun to mere paas na to itne paise hain aur naa hee itna time, aur aap ise mera ahankaar samjhe ya durbuddhi par main cheezen sirf banaane me aur jodne me vishawaas rakhtaa hoon, gusse aur nafrat ke liye meri duniya me koi jagah nahi hai, chaahe woh duniya kalpanaa ki ho ya hakeeqat ki. I hate the word hate.

Dhai hazaar logon ki khushiyan dhoondne ki bajaay, main ek tootate huye insaan ko sambhal sakun to main jyaada behtar samjhunga. Hindi poetry maine isliye create nahi ki thi ki mera "NAAM" logon tak pahunche, ya log "DARD" ko apna len. The community has its own purpose and it is doing it well. Arey kavita to matr ek bahaana hai, main to sirf maadhyam hoon, log khule aam pyaar luta rahe hain to harz kyaa hai, koi insaan jise humne dekha hi nahi pahchana hi nahi agar apne dil ki baat kah raha hai aur chand log jo oosse takraye hi nahi mile hi nahi agar oose haunsla de rahe hain to buraai kya hai? Main to samajhta tha ki maine jis duniya ki kalpana ki thi woh saarthak hogi aap logon ka sahaara hain par aap to khud bheed me sahaara dhoond rahe ho, aapko bura lage ya bhalaa "Hindi Poetry" can live and it can live without you, and yes it can live even without me. But are we here to leave one another? and with that question I am not asking you to return or stay at your decision. Feel comfortable, I am not aware of the reason of you leaving, but the way you came and scribbled at my profile, I am sorry I was not upto your expectations, par main apne pure hosh me hoon aur jaanta hoon main kya kar rahaa hoon, aur yeh cheez hi kaafi hai, I repeat, I am all conscious what I am doing ...and that alone is enough. And if there is someone else jisne aapka dil dukhaya then i would say one thing, the best thing you can give to this world is not happiness but forgiveness. Be happy wherever you are. God bless. :)

Ego, Existence and Egg-shell

2007-11-01T22:08:00.000+05:30

Mere andar bhi main hoon,

Mere baahar bhi main hoon,

Har jagah bas,

Main hi main hoon,

Main hi main hoon...

Can you lift 50 kgs???

2007-10-30T22:11:00.001+05:30

There is nothing called "overconfidence" or "underconfidence", not even the thing called "lack of confidence". Confidence is a measure of you to your ownself, who else other than you can perceive yourself easily. If you know yourself you can say,

"I know this i can do this."

"I dont know this i can not do this."

"I can lift 25 kgs but i can not lift 50 kgs"

"This is on this side of the line, this is on the other side of the line."

At times you may be hesitant to convey because your ego comes into picture, because you are worried about somebody else's existence, or because you simply dont want to say "no". At times you could be hopeful on confidence,

"If this happens, then i can do this, but if this doesnot then i may not be able to do it."

"If I learn hindi i may be able to appreciate your poems"

"If you can lift 25 kgs, then i can lift 50 kgs."

Its as easy as tossing a coin. However if one can not say out to his ownself then he has not understood himself, he has either not understood or misuderstood the environment. Otherwise its just head or tail, zero or one, but there is no wavering, there is no shivering, there is no doubly-mindness to one's ownself on anything, the confidence either 'exists' or it simply doesnt. There is a perfect, well-defined boundary line to one's own self with one's own measure, provided man is transparent to himself.

There is nothing called "over-confident" or "under-confident", not even the thing called "lack of confidence".

Samaa hai:

And this nomination is for Akhil, I think even he would be surprised.

Karam, dharam aur kismat

2007-10-25T21:01:00.000+05:30

I met him when i was about to leave from third project within span of three months ... he was as silent as like me, demo day was the day when i had last been in that team. We both had one thing in common, he had just joined and i was just to leave... that way our perspective on the project and just-formed-team was almost same. On that day team had to present first demo to onsite people and had stuck up to fix the Live-Meeting software, at the very last moment onsite people hanging on phone-call and decided to switch to another machine in another room... in the mess up, we both were just to fill-up patches, just trying to listen and manage people, so that meanwhile team gets things ready. Putting the call on mute we just talked...

"They knew today is the demo... they should have done a rehearsal first if all is working fine... whole afternoon they did nothing..."
and he simply smiled, shaking his head in yes. Ooske baad se whenever i used to see him, or better put he used to see me he used to exchange smiles. As i got to know more of him, one thing was he is devoted to "Sai baba..." after the evening calls he simply reads those pdfs scribbled in telugu. One day i stepped on to him...
"Come on man... what your sai baba is preaching you... i have seen him on doordarshan long back but what exactly is his vision or moral... what is he trying to say"
and he came down to my seat and said all that he believed in...
"I have felt his presenece and it has come true... even today morning i was about to tell you about him, but i said myself let akhil ask.. and you did ask me about him..."
"Oh really... "
"Yes and i have bought a book which i will give you."
"oh may be i would like to read it..." and he gifted me the book next day. I kept it in the cabinet locked the key and stepped out in evening... did not even attend the "whole-office-meeting" about the merging process. Kabhie kabhie sochtaaa hoon, kab tak yeh badi badi companiyan chhoti chhoti companiyon ko merge karti rahengi??? Me on the road and whole office in the meeting hall... and suddenly i remember there is another book, SCJP i need to hand over to him in IIT. Kya karen waapas ya? pahle kaam khatam kar lete hain... I finish up official-cum-non-official work, and call him...
"Hi, you there?"
"Can we talk now? are you still in office"
"Yes the meeting is over... and i am in office."
"Oh i am sorry.... it is all like this, i had to leave the office for some other work at my old office and that is the reason i could not attend the meeting da, and in urgent i left the book which you gave me in the morning in my cabinet itself plus my own book.... "
"which book?
"there are two books and one is you gave me, and another one my own, and both are in my cabinet"
"ok"
"also the key of the cabinet is in cabinet itself... "
"oh!"
"Can you lock it and keep the key with you, also take those two books with you, i will come and collect it now... getting me?"
"Umm... yes, are you coming now"
"yes you will be leaving at 8:30 right?"
"yes i will be here, "
"ok then I will be there in five or ten minutes... and after that i will leave to IIT, one of my friend is needing it from long time and it simply passes off... "
"ok... no problem come, i will be here only"
in no time I reach office... collect the books and try to leave...
"i am also leaving... lets go..."
and we both come down together.... baahar aake dekha to it is raining...
"hey just five minutes, just five minutes before when i came now it wasn't raining and just now only...." and he raises his eye-brow in suspect...
"hey I am not saying it...."
"i know what you are trying to say..." and he laughs....
"Come on man... it has nothing to do with you...." smiles.
Soon i am in hotchips near Adyar sitting with him and telling him, all that blah-blah that I feel could help him. Two idli one masala is enough for night. Woh aage and haat dhone ke baad as I come out, i see this colourful paper. I look around nobody is aware... thoda jhuk ke, i lift it, unfold it twice and its a hundred rupee note.... I look around again.... now people are looking at me, the cashier, that chaat-wala and coffee-wala, and those few customers, but nobody comes forward and claims anything... I looked at him, smiled and look around again... finally keep it in my pocket as if it was gifted to me.
"Nobody saw it man..."
"Yes, that is what they call it luck! !!! May be god has gifted it to me because i came to help you from such a long distance... "
and he shakes his head.."yes... may be you are right man! !"

After bidding good nithg, he is gone... i am standing near the bus-stop, jaise kisine khush hoke koi shaabaashi dedi ho. And suddenly i remember him again, I ring him....
"Man... I have something to share with you.... "
"what?"

Samaa hai:
"..... I have still not opened the book, looks like your sai-baba seems to blessing me a lot!!"

And one more at its very best enjoy ! !!

2007-10-24T22:44:00.000+05:30

Thak gayaa hoon kaanch,
Aaj fir khud ke saamne bahut chhoti si cheej lagtaa hoon,
aankh uthaa kar dekhoon to,
samandar failtaa chalaa jaata hai,

jidhar dekho udhar tak sivaa andhere ke kuchh bhi nahi,
itni oonchi aawaaz nahi hai meri,
itne lambe haath nahi hain mere,
aur itna badaa dil nahi hai mera...
Aakhri chhor tak pahunchane se pahle hi khatam ho jaaunga,

dafan ho jaaunga,

kuchh bhi nahi hoon shaayad,
kuchh bhi nahi...
par kya kuchh hona zaroori hai?
hoon to kya... na hoon to kya...
kabhie kabhie itni badi hokar bhi,
saans lene ke liye kyun,
kyun kyun aur aakhir kyun,

itni sikudi chhoti ki si lagti hai duniya?

Samaa hai:

Coming up next "karam-dharam and kismat"... stay tuned. :)

Tere saath saath aisa koi noor aaya hai

2007-10-10T21:54:00.000+05:30

Chak de spirit had not ceased and when i heared this one for the first time, i was in our office cafeteria just having finished my lunch and looking at TV placed in a cornered at a raised level. Its always NDTV at lunch time, this time it was showcasing some news on Farha Khans new movie "Om shanti om"... the title reminded me of Rishi kapoor's famous song, "To gaao om shanti om.... shanti om... shanti shanti om..." but this shanti was different. Shah rukh khan standing there and the girl probably new heroine or pataa nahi, standing in bazaar or a small party in open air, and the slow melody running in background...

The wordings then did no get into me but i just knew it may messermize... i stood there until the channel finished talking on the movie. Clippings were soothing, so shahrukh is back with a love story again??? shaayad... and since then I could hear of "Om Shanti om" as shahrukh's new movie. But it was not until yesterevening when he called me and said....

"aaiye expect the unexpected..."

that I discovered something. He is from jhaarkhand not aware of the exact place there but his hindi is native hindi, and at times i scribble self-composed rhyming lines on some post-lunch session and he does the same at times. That way we do get to share the taste. I went down to his seat in evening and heard this song from the movie... Aankhon me teri ajab ajab si adaayen hain. The magic dissolved and yesternight i said to my roomie who has a laptop,

"please find this song on google and transfer to my transcend mp3".

Within few minutes i got it from here. Another one was ek din teraa ho jaaunga from naqaab but I am not going to talk about it. And when did I get Transcend MP3, well that is yet another story in itself. From 12 to 1 i had been doing nothing but replaying this one and only song... not too often i have felt such poetry so beautifully written. And not all poetry get the music that they deserve. With this song you can not complaint anything. I thought it should be abhijeet who is believed to be shahrukh's voice who should have sang this, but indications are like it is sung by KK, (ofcourse not Kishore Kumar :P). KK's voice has suited on the poetry and I understand would suit even on shahrukh as I find it close to Abhijeet's. As I said not too often you feel such poetry from bollywood. At times I wonder, what made Fanaa's Chand sifaarish a big hit,

Chaand sifaarish jo karta hamaari,

Detaa woh tumko bataa...

Sharmo hayaa ke parde giraa ke,

Karni hai hamko khataa...

Zidd hai apni tumko hi paana,

Hona hai tujhme fanaa....

The poet here has not been able to bring out something that he really wanted to convey. On one side where the second line and fourth line rhyme so well but on a close look second line is odd with the word "bataa" intentionally put at end, further all four lines dont seem to convey much. Music won over but poetry suffered. Hear "Aankhon me teri", and you can feel the poet just moving around to convey and yet not convey, still praising the beauty of his mate, especially the eyes.

Aankhon me teri ajab si ajab si adaayen hain,

Dil ko banaa de jo patang saanse ye teri,

woh hawaayen hain....

The music where 'patang' is prolonged, you can feel the kite-ness.... and what would beat this one?

Kitna kuch kahnaa hai fir bhi hai
dil me sawaal kahin...
Sapnon me jo roz kahaa hai woh fir se kahun
yaa nahin...???

and the best stanza at last again moving around in praise and submitting-self...

Tere saath saath aisa koi noor aaya hai,
Chaand teri raushni ka halkaa sa ek saaya hai...

Teri nazaron ne dil ka kiya jo hashar,

Asar yeh huaa...

Ab inme hi doob ke ho jaaun paar

Yehi hai duaa....

The music pauses for a while and catches up again...

Aankhon me teri ajab si ajab si adaayen hain,
Dil ko banaa de jo patang saanse ye teri,
woh hawaayen hain....

Aankhon me teri...

Fell in love with this one, simply fell in love! !!

Samaa hai:

"Thank you so much yar, main to isi me talleen ho gayaa... kal se bas ise hi sun rahe hain"

"Hire ki pahchaan johar ko hi hoti hai..."

"Ha ha... :)"

No idea.. just a fired thought.

2007-10-02T21:54:00.000+05:30

Either out of choice or necessity, I am being associated with two new people today. At first i felt he is too enthusiastic to do on anything, but as i look little close to him, I liked that daring and that "yes" thing in him, still I fear of his unconsciousness. and she is just pure at heart, reachable to everyone. I fear if the NAME, FAME and POPULARITY kind of words would brainwash them for what they actually are, because every change makes a difference, either positive or negative and i hope it all be positive. I don't know, this is how i see it as whole. Its a small note, but still I wont mind being accused for judging people for without it a decision-making is never possible, and it is never judging people it is always understanding people. very little time is enough and I can list down the characteristics of the people atleast to the second level called character. But then I myself personally don't go by character and behaviour, the materialistic belongings have lost their meaning, the surface the crust and mantle has vanished, you cant say a dumb boy is silent in nature, he has his voice but can not express, he may have even better voice than what i have, what you have, a lamer can not be accused of not being a fast runner, I simply go by soul and soul speaks in silence. If man has to survive the soul has to be pure, man must be able to love himself first, the ornaments can be put later on, 'judgement' is not something to be done on earth, but one has to be careful, one simply has to be conscious all the time, be aware all the time. Then where is the time to live and rejoice? That is secondary part of discussion, as of now when two cars collide, naturally out of the two the one who was drunk gets accused, no matter what actually could have gone wrong, may be the non-drunk would have hit, may be they both might not be the point of reason at all. The drunkard is not the murderer always and the accused need not always be conscious/unconscious. But the problem is not the accident, not the murderer, not drinking and not killing, not even why and how the accident happened? problem is

why drunkard is a drunkard,

and murderer is a murderer.

Can something be done here, deep down at this core level????

Samaa hai:

Jaage hain der tak,

Kuchh der sone do...

Thodi si raat aur hai,

subah to hone do...

Ujaale tak

2007-09-30T21:40:00.001+05:30

Neend 5-6 baje hi khul gayi thi. Fir bhi 7 bajne ka intezaar tha. He should be leaving. Pade pade thodi der baad aankhen khol kar mobile deka to 7:10 ho rahe the... yeh chale gayaa ya? I came into hall... and looked around and suddenly he passed there near the wash-basin, was in jeans and banyan, and he appeared again standing before the mirror and combing his hair. I did not feel to disturb him and came back to room and lied. I could feel him walking around and moving from hall to room drinking water and all, but the door was half-closed.

Half-closed... which neither i intend to open nor he intend to knock and say "I am leaving... close the main door". It was only around 8:30, i came out and searched around i found he was gone, the main door was closed but not locked from inside. I did not care to think much on it, he should have thought not to disturb me while sleeping. I locked and came back to the room, could not sleep but hear the melodies...

"ab ke sajan saawan me... " and later...

"dil aaj shaayar hai..." who is hearing these songs in the apartment? today is sunday, is it rangoli that is running this time... and little later followed...

"bindiya chamakegi..." lying down, by the time, julie's "dil kya kare arrived", i took the mobile , it was 9:20. Nahi rangoli nahi ho sakti... should be either some other channel or somebody should be playing dvds... pataa nahi, slowly the other sounds were mixing up, kids shouting, and that sabjiwala.... he was not him, but the tone and style was same, the raised and loud voice, loud enough to peep into the houses through the windows and doors... he would spell it all in one stretch, starting from main vegetables like... udanlanka, vendakaa and finishing up with kotthaamalli, pudeena... smiles and I say myself... "soja yar... abhie bahut door jaana hai..."

Andheron se

2007-09-30T21:12:00.000+05:30

Teen chaar baar kahne ke baad bhi woh nahi aaya, and 11:30 at night I went to him, he was brooming and he was probably wrapping up things inside... closing? may be, i went near and said...

"Did you send water?" and he hesitated...

"Shall i send it now? Dai, take this can and go?... he was actually busy so I could not send him in the morning." This is not the first time, but sometimes I feel to change the shop would cause incoveniences and at times I think "but why the same thing is not given a thought from their side? this should be 20th day, he forgetting it inspite of series of day-full reminders..."

He lifted two water cans and started fastening them on cycle. I waited for a while and then felt to walk to room... he was still busy and i walked ahead. Room me pahuncha to lock nahi tha, he as expected was here on this weekend, i rang the bell... after a series he stepped out smearing his eyes. Before I could get in, i heard his voice from downstairs,

"Sar sar..."

"Wait, i will come back" and I went down to check him up. He was unfastening the cans,

"sar.. one is broken. I feared of the dog..."

Same thing had happened previously but this time he lied... the apartment dog was not there.

"where is the dog?" and he did not reply.

He lifted a can and followed...

"come and becareful there are no lights here." God knows when the tubelight near the staircase got fused. Somehow we reached in the room, only to think what to do with can which was like a big bottle broken on the bottom, he was holding it on shoulders...

"Invert this can into this pot..."

"How? how will we open it?"

"Its ok, we can do it..." and we three did go ahead, me and him holding the can and he by this time was awake and opening the can-lid.

"Oooh... aah" the can openened but the laws of physics failed the inverted can, after filling the pot, did not stop but kept pushing the water... did we forget the can was broken on the top and the pressure would not be balanced? yes we did... the floor filled up and it added to annoyance.

"sar lots of damage has happened to you..." and he started to collect those table papers and other items that were about to be damaged...

"leave them... we will take care. " he looked at me...

"leave them its ok..." he left and stood aside. He picked up an empty can in exchange and said...

"ok, for today one can is ok, i will take another can back from there itself..."

"why? bring another can and keep it here."

"ok sar. have you paid"

"Yes i have paid for both the cans"

"Ok i will keep another can and take this empty can with me..."

"I dont know, you brought two cans, take two empty cans in exchange with them. Its upto you to deal withe owner, I will not talk to him anything on this, if you want to say then say it, and if you want to hide like last time, then hide."

"Ok, i will take two cans now, but not this broken one... i will pay you the money for it later on. Dont say to owner."

"Ok."

He brought another can from bottom took two and left. And he, he was busy with table-and-water games.

"I dont want to be strict to him but i have to be, we are all working and earning enough, 100 Rs may not mean much to us but the same money he will have to struggle hard to make that. I can forgive but he has already broken one and... "

"Leave it its around 12 now, when you have to go in the morning... 4?

"no 7... ok then go and sleep, i will see to this whole." He still stood...

"I said i will take care... go and sleep."

"Ok anna... good night."

After little clean-up i was in the room... gazing the fan in darkness, waiting for the sleep to take over.

Aaj main upar, aaj main neeche

2007-09-27T21:36:00.000+05:30

A strange fear keeps walking beside, I dont know kaanch what it is but at times I find myself caged and at times, I find myself filled up with big ocean of harmony. Few months ago when i was walking with him he said,

"Because of all this, I am missing a lot da. "

"It is good that you atleast miss..."

"I cant understand... that means?"

"I said its good that you atleast miss.... "

"I cant understand what you are talking?"

"One day you may understand it, but I would pray the day shall never come..."

He simly walked puzzled and said...

"what is "manasu" in English? it means heart right?"

"I dont know, I think there is no equivalent of it in English... there is brain there is heart and there is soul but there is no equivalent of "manasu" in English... if I say mind it would be too partial to mean brain... where as the actual meaning of it in Tamil and hindi is not so, the word looks much more close to heart or soul than with brain..."

"Dai! Heart and soul both are same right..."

"No they are not... there are two theories on which I feel man psychologically can be perceived. First one, I see a man composed of physical body with a brain and heart. The brain and heart are like mother and kid combination. The heart is kid, just the young playful kid, it doesnt know who why and what, but it simly knows its likes and dislikes, when it goes to the shop, it asks mom, "Mummy i want chocolate..." where as brain is matured, it has the ability to judge, "no the chocolates are bad for tooth" and it is all good upto the time when mom and kid are in sync with one another, good upto the time when they head in one direction, good upto the time where there is a perfect deal, rather than mom feeling compromised or kid feeling suppressed.

The second theory is layered one. Man is composed of layers, one over the another, just like core, mantle and crust of earth. The outermost layer is behaviour, this is where you talk, shout, play-around, you kid, you joke, you laugh, all then-there and over. Then comes the intermediate layer-the character, activities here are little prolonged, it normally reflects on how a man may be at certain situations, if you are in shop and you intend to steal something, it reflects what they call "stealth nature...", it is not behaviour but little deeper (not too deeper again), at this level it is not talking, but either overtalking or being silent, either being playful or idle/lazy/inactive, and then comes the innermost layer the soul, the core. Just like the mother earth is burning at core, the man's energy radiates out from his soul, it reaches to character and then behaviour. And..."

and he laughs

"You seem to be..."

"seem to be??... like mahatma? or seem to have read lot of books right..."

"yes... you are talking like a very old saint..."

"ha ha... "

Samaa hai:

Waqt nahi lagtaa,

Saaki hosh gavaane me,

Waqt kam lagtaa hai,

Hosh me aane me...

Magar waqt lagtaa hai,

Aur waqt bahut lagtaa hai,

Hosh me rah kar,

Madhosh ho jaane me....

Puraani duniya se

2007-09-22T18:27:00.000+05:30

"Babooji... Babooji, babooji mera transistor dena, kitnaa achha gana aa rahaa hai"

"all india radio tere baap ka nahi jo raat bhar tere liye bajtaa rahega, koi gaa rahaa hoga...so jaayegi na....? so ja"

typical ashok kumar making Jaya Bhaduri sleep in Mili. The girl, a cancer patient hangs on to the radio, and the sentimental-melodious KK follows...

"Badi sooni sooni hai zindagi yeh zindagi..."

I wish i could drop few more lines in the appreciation of the song, but it would take another post in itself. :P Well, Mili, Anand and Guide are some of those good movies I can sit down and watch any time, and any any number of times. They are not movies but a perspective, a way of living in themselves. Then you can keep adding movies from actors like Raj Kapoor, there is a big list under his banner but one that is most unforgettable is Teesri kasam, the tale that follows in the bail-gaadi... "Mahua bechaari kya karti..." it is so beautifully, and so beautifully narrated, i dont know if it is avadhi or some other language but it is not hindi, it is that gaanv ki boli, and the song, chithhiya ho to har koi baachen, bhaag na baachen koi... I dont watch too many black and whites because they lack colours. With colours the vision is different, there is a freshness however few things are simply simply you can not stop appreciating them, and Teesri kasam has that in it.
Coming back to Guide,

the storyline mapped from RK Narayan's novel with a twisted climax. And it is climax that makes the movie worth watching, as i said earlier it is not a movie, you can watch sholay half-way and go back home, Gabbar's hands need not be broken with kicks and you can still feel ok, but to watch guide you have to watch dev-anand dying and dying to live again and simply vanishing up, disappearing only to become a light, become immortal. "Kaam uska naam tera to fir tujhe chinta kyun..."
I dont know if anybody can ever make Guide again, not even Dev-anand himself. Somwhere, (i think on a cassette) i heard him say as a personal note,

"Main bahut amir aadmi nahi hoon ki arabon laakhon meri jeb me pade huye hain, kahaaan leke jaana hai, we have to spend it here, I have earned it, my spirit is my wealth."

"kahaan leke jaana hai?" it wasnt in movie but a personal comment, when i heard, it simply made me smile... sometimes it surprises me, if a song like "pal bhar ke liye koi hume pyaar kar le" was taken on guide's producer, and "Panna ki tamanna hai ki heera mujhe mil jaaye...", fir "chudi nahi hai mera" are some of the numbers that simply brings a freshness. They don't set any mood of happiness or pleasure but fills up with energy, energy that is enough to live with a smile on your face. :-)

Samaa hai:
Hawaa ke saath saath,
ghataa ke sang sang,
O saathi challllllllll......

...

2007-08-25T21:38:00.000+05:30

It was around 7:30 that alarm rang and I slept again at 8:00. Weekends normally go little cleaning and then relaxing the whole day. I put off the alarm and slept again. Got up at 10:00, and damn there was no water, raat ki bisleri aadhi bhari thee, haath muh dho ke doodh laaya, socha chaay banaayenge, fir khayaal aaya roasted bread jyaada achhi lagegi, I remember she used to roast with ghee for the morning breakfasts... ummm... chal yaar try karenge, doodh tapeli me, tapeli heater pe and me lost in the hall, thodi der ke baad dekha to doodh-doodh ka dhoodh, paani ka paani, bole to doodh fat chukaa tha, shaayad saaf safai ki tameez nahi hai mujhe abhi tak, doodh aksar fatataa hai mere haathon se, and I had no mood to go bring another packet and try my luck again. Went out brought Shahrukh's Top Ramen Curry, i can do that, it is not much harder, paani daalo do minute and fir yeh packet boil and fir masala packet, ummmm.... Every time I have it, it reminds of the days when she and me were alone in Vellore, and it was me who had to cook and the only thing that I could do was this Top Ramen Curry, to some extent, guess, she would say koi baat nahi "dono-time shahrukh khan wali maggy banaa lenge".... fir wahi! "those were the days", :P teen packet me se ek khatam do abhi bhi baaki hain and I feel one would do for Monday breakfast. Khaane ki baat karte karte bhookh lagi hai, nothing much for the day, got to go, eat and sleep. :)

Quest behind QuestNet

2007-08-12T23:09:00.001+05:30

What kind of business is QuestNet?
QuestNet is an international company retailing gold coins and other gold products of international standard and the highest value, since they are minted and guaranteed by governments. (Solid and sound security). Other new products are vacation packages and telecommunication products.

What is the difference between some of the gold coins marketed by QuestNet and other international banks?
First , the gold coins retailed by QuestNet are numismatic (collectors´items) still in most cases also legal tender. They are of limited mintage. Second, QuestNet offers the wonderful opportunity for everyone who is enterprising enough to manage their own business through the Retails Sales Compensation Program.

What is so special about the business?
This business is very affordable and manageable for anyone who wants to be financially rich and without the problems and hassles of traditional or conventional businesses like big capital investment, employing people, heavy overhead costs, crippling cash flow, messy inventories, etc. to give you sleepless nights. This is the only retail business where the majority of participants/customers have a realistic chance of truly achieving their desired financial objectives for their work within a short period of time (between 2-5 years).
　
　
What kind of income can one expect from QuestNet business?
With full commitment and understanding of the business, anyone above the legal age limit of minimum 18 years can easily earn USD $400 per-week within the six months. With more confidence and experience, the income may reach as high as USD $2,400 per day per operating account! The only real ceiling of your income is yourself.

What are method of payment used to buy QuestNet's products?　
There are 2 options. First using your credit card. Second is using QuestNet E-Card. E-Card is like a prepaid card where you can top up the amount in the card. If your country has QuestNet's representative office, you can go there and hand in the bank draft for QuestNet (Hong Kong address). They will give a card number together with pin number. If your country doesn't have the representative office, you can send the bank draft to QuestNet (Hong Kong address).
　
　
How long QuestNet's products will be couriered to you after purchase?　
If you are using your credit card, it may take up to 3 - 5 weeks to be verified and delivered to you. If you are using QuestNet E-Card, it might takes less time.
　
What are the differences between MLMs and QuestNet?
There are very many differences. The 4 major are:
1) QuestNet is not a MLM company but a retail business utilizing networking principles. All participants are customers, not members. Being a customer, you do not have to maintain monthly sales quota. This is not direct selling job like most MLMs.
2) In QuestNet, it is only a onetime purchase of the product. there is no monthly maintenance of purchasing of products. You can absolutely forget about buying every month, which is very tedious and burdensome.
3) QuestNet marketing plan is very simple, straightforward and transparent with no complicated point system, no confusing percentages, no cutoff limit, no forfeiting of commissions and no hierarchy status. All these obstacles create difficulties and dissatisfactions because it slows down and reduces your income potential.
4) QuestNet offers unlimited operating accounts (truly unlimited income) similar to operating many franchises. Most MLMs limit it to one account only.
　
　
　
Some customers fear that sturation will occur and GQI will run out of customers in the future. Someone even asked, "The market for GQI is thinning out and almost reaching a saturation point. So what is left for us who are just starting to make referrals now? At present, there are only around 600,000 customers out of the world’s total population of almost 6 billion people. The market is very, very far from "saturation". Theoretically, if saturation were even possible and occurs with QuestNet, then all other networking companies will have to experience it too. But most networking companies diversify their product lines and experience continuous sales from its existing customer base. QuestNet also takes this same approach and is moving towards diversification and expanding its product line. 　 Does GQI hurt the national economy? In reality, QuestNet is the nation’s economic partner. The purchase of gold products has a long-term benefit for individuals and the economy. In addition, as customers in one country refer new customers to QuestNet (whether directly or indirectly), they earn their referral commissions causing business dollars (and more gold) to flow into that country. Using the Philippines as an example, when the Filipinos in Hongkong open up that market, this would mean a flow of dollars into Philippines from Hongkong. In the same way, Chinese going to Australia to open that market will benefit from new customers being referred there. Being a global business, with a seamless operation, whoever goes to another country brings back to his own country the benefits gained. As such, QuestNet is an important driving force of the national economy. 　 What kind of work is required in QuestNet? Consistent and persistent promotion of QuestNet´s excellent products. This is done by word of mouth sharing of information and knowledge with your friends, family members, business contacts and anyone who is serious enough to want to improve their lives financially.
　
　
What advantage has gold coin over the gold jewellery sold by traditional jewelry shops?
The gold jewellery from the traditional shops does not have an acceptable international standard. Invariably, this jewellery will not fetch high resale price on the international market.
　
　
What are the main advantages of QuestNet over MLM businesses?
Speed and efficiency. In QuestNet, you do not waste precious time and effort in acquiring product knowledge, product training and demonstration. Similarly, there is no time wasted in learning and remembering the marketing plan because it is so simple and straightforward. Just 6 similar steps to earn. Obviously, with no such obstacles and hindrances, your success rate in is very much higher than most MLMs for an average person because the duplication process in QuestNet is far mor easier and simpler than any MLM businesses. It is almost hassle-free and stress-free!
　
　
How long does it take to cycle?
　
You will cycle depending on the effort and time you devote to the business. If you and your downline are able to refer at least two in a month, 1 left and 1 right, you will cycle within 5 or 6 months. Otherwise, it will take you longer. But after one cycle, you will cycle in three months or less depending on how you duplicate! The power of simple duplication will make you experience exponential growth.
　
　
Can this business work for one who has never had business or network experience?
　
This business can work for anyone who is determined to make it work!
　
SIMPLE Even for those who have not gone to a higher level of learning experience this business is simple.
ATTAINABLE Because of the simplicity of the binary 3 left and 3 right scheme, lucrative income is possible to everyone, even novices in the business.
　
　
Can I increase my maximum potential income?
　
Yes, by purchasing more than one product. Yet, only one time cash out is necessary to earn continuously in one tracking center. Please read. The advantage of buying 3 products often called a 3 header purchase which is the most powerful and effective purchase
　
　
Why buy gold products?
　
Because gold is a precious metal and will last you more than your life time. You can definitely pass them on to your heirs. Gold karat is verified easily by pawnshops and jewelers! The market price of gold is not manipulated. It is determined by supply and demand as reflected in the spot market. There are two hard assets that are readily marketable gold and real estate property. Yet, gold has more advantages! Apart from the US dollar, gold is also used as international reserves. It is small and handy, you can bring it anywhere. It is easily convertible to cash.It is readily appreciated and understood by the “man-in-the-street.” You can buy in small quantities therefore it is easy to accumulate as savings for your future. Gold is a hedge against inflation. It appreciates in value over a period of time. That is why it functions better than paper money during times of crisis. These gold coins have intrinsic value. They are numismatic or in simple terms collectors items. They are minted by government agencies and considered legal tender (money) by respective governments. As a product it is simple and easy to explain and learn. It eliminates cumbersome product demonstration. It is an ideal product to carry on business trips or to demonstrate over a cup of coffee. It has universal appeal. Given the opportunity, anyone would want to have gold anywhere, anytime.
　
Why are they called customers and not distributors?
　
Because QuestNet is a retailer and not a wholesaler. When a customer refers someone who buys from the company, the referrer earns commission! Ordinarily, one does not earn commission by referring others to a good movie or terrific restaurant. But CRP gives you that privilege! This explains why one should buy products from QuestNet:
A. Because the opportunity of earning lucrative income goes along with buying products at QuestNet. There are other establishments selling similar products. SkyMall sells through TV and so does Disneyland in their outlets. Yet, with prices much higher than QuestNet, these establishments do not give the income-generating program for customers, QuestNet does!
B. Because you can have for yourself a global business.Using the commission plan that employs the principle of networking. You can market abroad and purchase through the internet via the On-line Store of QuestNet.
Being a retailer, QuestNet has no levels of distribution. In fact, in Hong Kong it has a retail outlet where you can buy over the counter. QuestNet operates like a mail order company to satisfy worldwide demand.
　
How can I start?
　
Be a customer first. Buy a coin. Make at least 2 referrals. Tell your referrals to do the same. That's it! You're on your way to earning US$15,000.00 per week
　
What is a tracking center?
　
Upon receipt of your draft, QuestNet will assign you a Tracking Center (TC). Your TC will keep track of your direct referrals and all subsequent indirect referrals made down your line. To keep track of all your referrals, you may request for a genealogy report from the Internet. A TC is divided into left(L) and right(R) customer referral groups.
How is the customer referral plan?
　
The basic STEP is matching 3 referrals made down your left line with 3 referrals made down your right line. For every match of 3 left and 3 right referrals, you earn $250.00. Three(3) on the left and two(2) on the right will yield no compensation. It has to be a match of 3 and 3 always. Remember, these 3 left and 3 right referrals are not all your direct referrals. Most of them were referrals made by others down your line.A customer buying 3 coins is counted as 3 referrals. This means that if you have one person on your left buying 3 coins and another one on the right doing the same it is counted as 3 left and 3 right. So the the number of sold products counts not the number of customers.

Why to buy?

Why not? What can keep you from buying?
“Too good to be true. It's probably even a scam.”For the past year, QuestNet has been holding daily business opportunity meetings/seminars in public places like hotels, shopping malls, restaurants, etc. If QuestNet were illegal, the host governments would have long ago put a stop to all its activities. Moreover, if this business were a scam, more than 600,000 customers would have filed lawsuits against the company. But hey look, QuestNet is getting better and stronger everyday!
“I can't afford to spend $530.00-.”The trick then is to make your first two referrals right away. In a few weeks, or maybe even days, when you complete your first 3 & 3, you'll get another product but if you in the beginning started by buying more expensive product or for US$ 860 the first match of 3 plus 3 would give you US$ 250. This is because there is nothing and no one keeping those who were referred down your line from making their own referrals. Who would not want their money's worth back as soon as possible?
“I don't have any money”Lots of ways to skin a cat, so they say. Here's one: Share a Tracking Center (TC) with one, two or even three of your siblings, parents or close friends. This will work to your advantage because there will be more people from one TC who will make referrals. Your TC will start earning faster. Once the TC is earning enough, then each of you and your partners may opt to buy your own TCs . Each of you will then have his/her own TC while having a mother TC. Double earnings!
“Too busy. I don't have time.”Making at least two referrals doesn't really require a lot of time, does it? There is no time limit as to when you should make your referrals. After all, you do make referrals every now and then -you refer people to a good shop, a movie you've seen (you have time for that!?), a doctor, etc. Go to the 10-month and the 1-1/2-year scenarios. Here, it was proven that even if you make referrals at the rate of only 1 or 2 persons a month, and stop after making two referrals, and with everyone else down your line doing the same pace, you are still bound to earn big.

How can QuestNet affort to give so much bonuses?

i - Flushing system There is a flushing systemso there is a maximum income for one day, a match of 30plus 30 referrals in one day.ii - Cap on maximum income per week The maximum QuestNet can afford per week for 1 Tracking Center(TC) is USD 15 000. Therefore the cashflow of the company can be maintained. iii - No advertising The reason that QuestNet can afford all these commissions is the fact that QuestNet does not do any commercial advertising. QuestNet has no advertising cost; the budget that is normally allocated for advertising in now set aside for its customers, who do the advertising for us by way of word-of-mouth promotions. Example : a can of cola that the consumer buys for P10.00 really only contains about P0.50 worth of product! Yearly, cola companies all over the world spend hundreds of millions by way of advertising. That is why the final cost to the consumer is P10.00! QuestNet doesn’t spend millions to advertise, but we have paid out millions to our customers who advertise for us! Just think how wonderful it would be if all companies paid customers who generate business for them! Why do some invest in more than 1 gold coin? 　
Some because they are interested in the investment, others because they plan to earn more.
　
What happens if I made no referrals?
　
You can just be a happy customer with a great product.
　
　
　
What are the differences between pyramiding and QuestNet business?
　
The most essential characteristic of a pyramiding scheme is that it capitalizes on the recruitment of new distributors who basically invest money to get into the plan, and the marketing and selling of products and services is ignored.
QuestNet is a retailer of gold and other products that sells directly to each customer, and not through distributors. The Customer Referral Program is based on the sound business practice of giving referral commissions to customers who encourage others to also become customers of QuestNet. This program is similar to "Customer-Get-Customer" or "Member-Get-Member" referral programs of other well-known companies.
　
What is V-Team role in QuestNet?
　
V-Team is the biggest customer of QuestNet. It has expanded its network to over 10,000 such that it has been appointed by QuestNet to become its marketing and training arm. They come up with the marketing and training materials to help develop the network and endorse our product.
　
Is it possible for TCOs to obtain their genealogy online?
　
To keep track of your referrals, you can get the volume of your right and left customer groups and a genealogy report through an online inquiry.
　
　
Can people from other countries wherein QuestNet does not have a representative office still purchase products and conduct the business?
　
People from countries that do not have a QuestNet representative office yet can still proceed with the QuestNet business because one of the advantages of the plan is that it is seamless and knows no national boundaries. Now 100% e-commerce is utilized.
　
Can I exchange a product?
　
Yes, you can.
　
Who is behind GoldQuest International?
GoldQuest was formed by an investment group from the EU and ASEAN as well as an Asian team of industry leaders with extensive networking experience called V-TEAM. This powerful fusion of corporate and networking expertise has laid dedicated to building opportunities not just for itself but for all of its customers. Later QuestNet was formed to cater for the rapid expansion of the business.
　
Can those who join the program now earn more than those who joined earlier?
Yes, an upline is not guaranteed to earn before the downline. Downlines can earn before uplines. Downlines can earn more than the upline. This is due to the binary nature of the two customer groups and the balance required to earn commission. Remember: 3L + 3R = US $250. If the upline cannot balance their legs, they won't be given the commission.
　
　

Source:

h t tp : //goldquestltd.wetpaint.com/page/Frequently+Answered+Questions?t=anon

Well, that was the introduction, no, there is nothing fake in it, there is nothing wrong in it, you do get your coin by blue dart courier, you do get your weekly cheques based on the business that goes by you or the people under your tree run by the referals, plus it is now announced to be legal (atleast the some of the sources on the net and the regional office say).

Still, I am stuck, or rather dumbstuck, I dont know if I did not mean to be into this or I should not be wanting to be into this or would I not be wanting to have people down under me... pataa nahi, bas ho gayaa. He said I am doing a business, 'questnet' was the coining word, I have heard of Amway and other multi-level-marketing (MLM) etc etc... and this was not of that kind... and I stepped into it, not because I wanted to make money, not because I was under pressure, not because I had no other choice, not because my friend wanted me, it was then just like buying a lottery ticket, just because I thought 30K doesnt matter, if it comes back, I am happy, it doesnt even then no probs, and if it changes my life, that doesnt matter too. I joined into it under his referal by swiping a card and I dont feel that I lost 30K (EMI still runs) but I only feel that it is not business, it is debt you get it and gift to someone, you put your money into it and to gain it back you need to refer six people under you, i.e. who have also dumped their 30K in the name of gold coin, under the brand of 'GoldQuest' or 'QuestNet', known to be the leader in numismatic gold.
A legal business that can let you earn from 11K to 5.5 Lacs per week... he rings me up and I only feel i want to avoid it, but I still pick up and convince him that I am coming, and I do go and co-operate with him, co-operate? I dont know i am still in dilemma the soul still hesitates... why? for all those who have not made into this buzzword in chennai, or who have dived and made a big money, and for all thos who still either thinking or giving a thought, I dont know what your opinions hold but here is what I feel about it, hope it helps you makes some decision...
Plus

1. Is it legal?

I believe yes. On some research i got to know, such marketing schemes were banned in India, but it is said the organization has re-revised its policies and is back. You can file the incomings in form-16, so there is nothing hiding from government.

2. Is the organization good?

I believe yes, known to be number one in quality gold in Germany and probably also in the world they are known to be the sponsors of the trophies of events like world cups etc. Plus they also have some other good products, that includes holiday hotels, watches, and some health-products... more here.

http://quest.net/portal/site/QuestNet-Public

3. Do they cheat?

No. I have seen the products arriving within 45 days of time and they do arrive through Blue-dart courier, blue dart, the name you can trust in courier service.

4. Is it an e-business?

Yes.

5. Is the product worth its value?

Almost, but you do lose some money, exception being numismatic items because their value sometimes shoots at e-bay auctions.

Minuses

1. I feel it is a pyramid scheme. Why six people are required to make living of one person on the top? And if the top person denies the fact then why did he form the network?

2. Is the strategy right?

The strategy that you will get paid whenever some reasonable amount of business happens down-under is uncontrolled. I have seen most of the software engineers around 200-300, jumping into this line, (20-30 even left their job)just because they see the possibility that what they can earn in three years can be earned in 30 days, provided you put your effort and effort in the means of making new people down under you, if they are businessmen then no harm else, the chain will automatically grow because the person at the leaft needs his money back.

Is it not all malfunctioning the economy distribution of the country?

3. Business & behind...

Coming to this link... http://www.qi-ltd.com/rythm/index.htm
how far the FAMILY of questnet into this? Are we here to change lives? if yes, then when and how are its scenarios? Why this one is not as heavily marketed along with the products? Everyone gains money, everyone changes his life but how far is he committed to changing lives of other people, when does the time comes that he says yes,

"its enough for me whatever comes from now on, will go to the most sufferer..."

I would call that as changing life.

Why every-member after retaining at certain position in these schemes not thrown out, so that others can take up the position? else why there is no rule/agreement that after becoming a landmark a part or whole of incomings will go to the so and so charity? If we are together to earn, why are we not together to share griefs?

There is only RY here no HM.

3. Forced business.

The intention of the scheme is if you need to survive dump as many as you can, I am a software engineer by profession and proud to be one, business I dont understand, if I do, then only by means that, I pay the amount you give me what I want and still we both are happy with the deal.

4. Though it is possible, but I dont want to earn and keep all the money within a year, because after that I will have no reason to live, I dont need money, I need work, one of the REASONS to live, and the REASON can not be running down to asking people joining a referal scheme or answering a call trying to convince someone on how to make money though for a short period of time.

Long back I wrote here, I dont know about the day, but the sunset will be mine. I am happy that I remember it and still believe in it.

Samaa hai:

Good night. :-)

Reading, sleeping sitting aur jaane kya kya

2007-08-05T18:41:00.000+05:30

These days, I get a lot of time for myself, ha ha... or may be I must say i dont get time for people around. Slowly I have cut down on too many things, not because I do not want them, or I dislike them but they dont serve any purpose to me anywhere, so do I mean a purpose is always necessary for everything? Umm... no not necessarily, but yes, there are things which LOOK to be not serving any purpose but then they do. Kaise? "doing nothing" also serves some purpose at times. Weekend, and I stepped out to have something and bring a newspaper, mostly I prefer Hindu but for a change this time it was Deccan Chronicle and read Osho's column where he mentions, sleeping is 'not doing anythng', and yes it is. You can not make someone sleep, you can not DO sleeping, to sleep you simply need to think of nothing, in fact you should not even think. I have personally realized it. There have been times where I either have an exam the next morning or anythinng special, i have gone thinking "I have to sleep, i have to sleep so that I dont feel sleepy in the examination hall, i must be relaxed there..." and just thinking to sleep, sleep I would have spent more than an hour or too. I used to see Osho's book and pics or articles i only used to feel that "he is yet another one in name of religion" but there have been occasions where my understanding on few things was not the actual and I now feel same thing happened with me thinking of him as well. I dont know who is he, what he is he, but some of his readings(whatever I have read) are not bound to any religion, I think this is the second time I have read about him, and read in the sense, it should be just few lines or a paragraph, else deep reading hardly comes. In fact, I dont read few things because I have to, and I realized it late. I have a collection of books on self-motivation and all those series that people/guide/mentors mentioned me on fly. I read almost none. Out of all of them which I felt I HAVE to read them, i think "You can win" was the only one which I have read from begin to end and may be because nobody had referred me about it ha ha.. :)). I dont know but there is something about it, it is clear and straight and unlike other ones it doesn't teach you, it doesnt tell you do this, do that and that this is what is your goal, it is not about achieving, it is about how you feel it and go about it.
I dont read novels too much, off-late I read"Five-point someone", and that came as reference from him that a movie is about to come up on "IIT life". It grew interest in me and soon most of Indian-writings, still i would say I dont read too much. Technical stuff? java is always there on the list, but now more of programming i like to go by technology stuff, I believe it is about learning to 'program', once you are done with it, your mind becomes open to ask questions, it just keeps rolling around in search of knowledge, I dont know if I am overestimating but rest is about fixing nuts and bolts, things will be black-boxes, and we need to connect them to make the whole of it, but ofcourse you need to keep asking questions both to yourself and to the people. Off-late I realized i can't learn without a pen and underlining work, the more I spoil the book with scribblings the faster I learn. Yeh achhi baat hai ya buri baat hai.. I dont know... again, the reading habit varies from course-content-taste-place and mood. I dont like reading a story book sitting on a chair with a table, they are better with some tech-stuff, I prefer being on the bed and most of the times just before going to sleep. Tech-magazines are good during travels, or when I have a PC because i can browse the cd that ships with them. PDFs and ebooks? I can't learn reading them online but they are ok if they act as side reference or glossary.

Samaa hai:
I think, the last time I sharpened a wooden pencil was in my college days mostly for Engineering drawing, some 2H, H and HB brands. Ooske baad se jaroorat padi nahi aur padi bhi to only microtip! !!

Thodi si tu lift karaa de! !!

2007-07-30T21:49:00.000+05:30

Everyday after getting in at ground floor I either catch lift or take the stairs to reach the second floor. I prefer lift if it is readily available, kabhie bheed ho to we take stairs. Ground floor me dopehar ke lunch ke baad we three got into lift, nobody accompanied us, so we were only three, pressed,
>><<
button, the doors got closed and pressed "2". As there was nobody else with us, it was obvious that lift would halt at 2nd floor, unless and until someone at first floor interrupts us. As usual, it stopped and we three got out, he said "I want to have water". He said.... "me also"
They both got out and stood near the water-can for having water. I said "I am going da...." and just walked towards the glass-door where we need to show an access-card on the sensor for getting in. As you get in there are two wings, left and right, and I have to roughly reach roughly at position "nine". I walk fast, take left and right and I am at my desk. Yaar kuchh badlaa badlaa sa nahi lag raha hai? haan kuchh kami hai shaayad... what is this, they have seized my monitor and it has a big A4 size paper with something printed on it in bold....

"Program is running.... please do not disturb the machine"

... is it server? may be but why my machine, no should be something else, I look around my desk, the notepad given by company is there but my book is missing. And even the CPU, is changed, did somebody shift my machine or... and what is this on cabinet Lord Ganesha's sticker? but on mine there was Swami Vivekananda's photo which somebody already had... why should they seize my machine... and why this program is running... tune subah se kuch gadbadi to nahi ki, kya kiya kuchh bhi to nahi, I only browsed orkut and gmail and that too when i came in the morning, i was not hanging on it also, is it not permitted? but he had said ki... what program is running? why should they scan my machine, i look around, abhie tak koi lunch khaa ke aaya nahi shaayad, I only find someone at position number "4" that is just behind me.
Yaar! yeh kaun hai? Yahaan pe to koi aur baithtaa tha... kuchh gadbadi hai maamu, he looks too smart, kahin yeh baahar ka anti-virus ya hacker-gicker to nahi hai jo ki machine troubleshoot karte hon, hmmm lunch time me isiliye aaya hoga, uski machine scan kar rahaa hai aur meri queue me hai... par yeh hai kaun? who is he? lagtaa hai sabki machine cheking ho rahi hai... i look at him and he looks at me, and shakes his head towards sky, as if asking me,
"what?"
Oye! yeh to apne se sawaal puchh rya hai, koi badaa aadmi hai kya? I get baffled but still speak out,
"My machine was here, is it migrated somewhere..."
"which machine?"
"this one here..." i show him my desk, and he says,
"may be not this floor..."
"not this floor? is it not second floor"
"no its first! !! "
and I look around at the whole bay... ek do log hain par yaar sab kuchh thoda badlaa badlaa sa lagtaa hai... I look back at him and say
"sorry... thank you"
he smiles and I sigh... and ulte kadam jaisa andar aaya tha waisa hi baahar... reach the access point and out and find them both still chatting near water can... I look above the access-point door and it reads... "First floor"...
"Oye! we are on first floor..."
and they both gets stunned for a while... and see the same board just above the door...
"yes this is first florr! !!! Oh... why did the lift stop here?"
"May be someone would have pressed button and did not get in..."
"hmmm... and we thought..."
"I dont konw about you guys but I went in and came out also..."
"you went in... what happened" they knew something funny should have messed up.
"a series of thoughts ran in just one minute..."
"why? what happened...?"
"I went in thinking I am in second floor and was shocked to see my machine seized and being scanned for no reason... and and and..." when I said the story....
Foooh! There are 3+2 =5 floors and except two, all others are 'same-to-same-ditto-copy' of one another... one day same thing had happened with him as well.

Let me go to hell please! !!

2007-07-25T23:30:00.001+05:30

...and slowly I find settling up with myself. Do I? Yesterday, her engagement would have been over, I did remember but did not care to call, yes i had been thinking of it for the whole day but strange is the philosophy when you dont ring, it only means you dont care... I know even the call would have no meaning, last time when I rang itself he was enquiring...
"bahut din baad phone lagayaa... "

"haan mujhe lagaana tha... par"

"par woh to tune recharge nahi kiya hoga.. "

"nahi aisee baat nahi hai"

"to kar liya... recharge kar liya? kitne ka recharge karwaata hai..." I hate, i hate and i hate such mockings... I dont know but I have simply lost it all to face him or talk again. Not that I hate him or disrespect him but I simply can not make eye-contacts anymore.
A fear that this time, "chhutti nahi mili?" would be the first question if I ring...
I wish if there was atleast one, atleast one person on this big earth who doesn't love me or doesn't trust me or doesn't promise to remain with me forever but simply understands me first when needed. What is the biggest thing that this world can give me, a big house? a car? crores and crores? love? affection? care? trust? respect? name? fame? and what is the smallest thing that I can take with me when I leave?

Words and smiles is what I have and as the days are passing, a strange fear is dissolving I find it difficult to exchange them as well.
...was walking down from the office and stood near Kaaraikudi restaurant only to see the big traffic jam, one evening there were 5 policemen out there and still not able to manage it, two were busy with cell-phones and three were messing up their own commands, and it is not as that big-place too. And today there was nobody, one man was running from post to pillar on the four sides of the junction to block cars and direct them and still they all were just rushing like anything, should I? after looking the show for 5 minutes said
"chal yaar yeh aisa hi rahega...." and walked ahead on my way...
came near Benzz park when I found two traffic-men talking near the petrol-pump, said to them about the area that was blocked...
"Sir! when did you go?"
"I am coming from there only... it is all heavily blocked... there is nobody out there?"
"sir now it should be ok, you go and check it now... when did you check it?"
and I simply walked ahead... and he kept talking behind me,
"Sir! it should be all fine sir, that area is small only, someone will...."
why the hell should I think of all this? Bhaad me jaaye duniya... bhaad me jaaye duniyaadari and I am on bus stop.
I am sorry if you have been waiting, tujhe call karna tha pataa hai, par maine oos se baat nahi ki, and I have no means as to how to tell you that I can not be the first person to talk to him and I have said you too many times and if it is as much pretty necessary you can better go ahead, who and what is stopping you... I am here for you, you know it then why worry? it is not that I do not want to do it, but.. but... but... I have to bear your calls, be me and still make you believe that yes, I am here, I care. Can you forgive me? hope and hope you do...
and why does this cell-phone keeps ringing all the time, why am I not left alone to be what I am, wherever I am, inspite I have said I may be late tonight... why am I not simply left to go to hell at times...! !!

Cash bharoge ya swipe karen??

2007-07-22T17:52:00.000+05:30

Every friday evening he carries the bag, asks

"Coming... ?" and after a series of "when will you come da..." he finally leaves off. This time too he said,
"take care da... dont leave yourself alone. " ...and as he was walking out he giggled...
"go out and enjoy man, he will come and drink but you too dont sit and drink with him..." and I laughed....
"ha ha... :)) don't worry da, I never drank but if I have to drink, I will drink frank and open or much better I would go to bar than to sit and drink at home...."
he stopped to smile, "I like the beauty in this saying....",
"and I like the way you appreciated it..."

Doodh ke packet, kele ke chilke, free ads newspapers (he calls them yello pages :P), venfield aur John-Players shirts ke dabbe, bisleri ki botalen, sab saaf kar diya. So I did some work today. :)
It has been a long time since me sitting and scribbling so easily in a browsing center, my second best choice on free-time-at-pc is online chess. The promise to myself that I will get a laptop soon has not gone in vain. Laptop ke silsile me enjoy this pic, I got it in forward. Seems, the guy is making online-payment as fine.

Strange na, aajkal waise paisa dikhtaa hi nahi hai, you dont see money anywhere, only at the vegetable shops or in autos. Else, shopping ho, bill-payment ho, koi purchase, koi transaction, movie booking, all you do it online, or you swipe your credit/debit card, only the figures in the account are updated, pahle 29 that ab 25, pahle 69 tha ab 73, else real-money, the cash, is rarely seen. Cool! !!
Chalo Sarvana Bhavan me tiffin swipe karke aate hain! ;-)

Murugesan's Kite

2007-07-21T16:58:00.000+05:30

Kareeb january ki baat hogi...

"Kuchh nahi bas patang dekh rahaa tha... do din se thandi-thandi achchi hawaa chal rahi thi"
and he shouted for the
"solitude" and the "khayaalon me doobe rahnaa.." kind of comment.
I dont know, but this is how see it all. There is lot that goes in the head, but then at the end I have to chose between something that is somewhere way too different or too odd, but few things have to be alive everywhere, am watching the kids, this year it is murugesan's. (Don't blame me if you find the name similar to Veyil movie's actor's brother, yes i saw it.. and my comments? may be I will put a post for it later, will I? buhu! )
I was brushing around and as I came out near the door, the thread just went passing by... is it? is it? is it? and yes it is, a kite just got off from the thread somewhere... I jumped over-the stairs-wall and managed to hold it just before it could get stuck in e-b-wires or pass through the verandah. As soon as I caught, it did not take a second, from my right hear them, a 12-year old boy, and little girl with ponny tails, and another little one sitting on the lobby-compund (as if it was a horse), and that boy ran and escaped in... where did he go? and they all..
"anna anna annaa...."
oh take it, I am not going to keep it, and even if you dont ask for it, i will sure hand it over to you... :P
I have never tried kite-flying, (am I lying buhu!) but somehow i managed to pull the thread and get it in my hand, I am on our verandah, there is a slab nearby, and from there if I jump i am sure going to fracture my legs and situations could even be worse if I stuck up jumping on neither side and fall right at the compound... bachhon ke saamne he-man banane ki zaroorat nahi hai, jyaada kasrat mat kar, yahin khade-khade manage kar le, I came their side I tried to put it down, but what if it fall inside our compound, the walls too high, not as they were in vellore? kya karen? is maamle me apna dil bahut badaa hai par, dopehar ke ek baje with brush in my mouth, i am in no mood to go down and give it there, neeche waale log kya kahenge... somehow i simply let it hang down and that 7-8 year old kiddy with yello-t-shirt and green pant was already with his donon-haath upar ki or...
anna anna...
le beta le-le...
de-de..
le-le...
Sounded really funny! Soon it was in his hands, he knew how to run his left-hand-thumb and last finger... soon he was with them... brsh mooh me and me still trying to....
"Mmmmm? Mmmm..? peeeyaa... enn... m...."
He could not get it... "peeeyar... peeyar...?"
and he said.. "muaksaaan...!"
"aa????"
"murugesan! !!"
Well, that's enough for the day. :)

Samaa hai:
"Kaabul Express" did have a message.
"Partner" is not as that good as expected from Dhawan,
"Bombay to Goa" is really funny, all characters are good especially that Bus-driver, just liked him,
"Naqaab" is ok for the climax part.
"Pirrates of carribean..." ek dam bekaar, main to interval se pahle hi uth ke ghar aagaya... :)

Maa tujhe salaam

2007-07-19T22:10:00.000+05:30

From two days I am getting late to the office, not that I sleep late but I think I have become too casual on weekdays as well, 10:30 ko office jaana achhi baat nahi hai. To go late is to work late, and yesterday when I was returning i found this lady there on the bus stop. Hua younki I reached Benzz park as usual and stood waiting whether to catch auto or bus. If I am too late I dont mind spending money on auto, 50-60 is reasonable, atleast it is reasonable upto the time the Kodambakkam fly-over gets completed, warna bridge paar karte-karte kal toh mujhe chaalis minute hogaye, haan ghadi dekhi thi maine, akela insaan auto me baithe-baithe aur kar bhi kya sakta hai specially jab pataa ho ki pichhle din bhi hum der se office pahunche the.
Shaam ke karib aath saade aath baje honge, and i was wondering bus aayegi, ya auto pakade... iss waqt jo bhi mile ganimat hogi. After two three trials with auto I failed, 12B series did arrive par bheed itni ki everytime I said, "nahi yaar... next try karenge." Jo chaar-paanch log mere aas-paas khade the unme mujhe khud pataa hi nahi yeh kabse tamil me apni baat kare jaa rahi thi,
"all the buses are coming but not at all going where i want to? will this go to ega?" is she asking me? pataa nahi it was loud enough ki aisa lagtaa that jaise koi bhi respond kar sakta tha... I looked around and responded

"I guess no..."

"buses always come rushed up... if its empty he doesnt stop, will this go to koyembedy?" I simply wondered she was so open and so much talkative, a typical middle-class "boodhi maan", orange saadi, safed blouse aur paas me woh bachhon ki car, car itni badi bhi nahi ki bachha baithe aur itni chhoti bhi nahi ki bachcha dhakka lagaaye... yeh car hai ki kya cheez hai yaar, aur saath me chhota mota kuch polyethene vagairah bhi tha... kabhie koyembedu kabhie ega...

"I think no... where you want to go?"

"I want to go to koyembedu..."

"Koyembedu... why dont you go through vadapalani, then going round off ega? it will be nearer for you"

"vadapalani? yes i can go from there also na, so fool of me... this will be shorter, I am a fool i was going there"

"I think this will be much easier... where exactly you want to go?"

"cheemiya nagar i want to go to cheemiya nagar from koyembedu?"

"I dont know where is that, i probably will be catching an auto from here, upto vadapalani, I dont know about cheemiya nagar, but from there Koyembedu is not too far... may be you can catch your bus after that."

"vadapalani i was late from vaani mahal one day he dropped me there only, from there i can get black autos"

Kaala auto ab yeh kya cheez hai bhai...

"you mean... you caught share autos?"

"yes yes... from there i will catch black autos, i can pay you Rs 5 upto vadapalani"

"You need not pay me anything, i am going upto there and I dont mind you accompany me..."

we got an auto and no surprise she was shocked when I made the deal for Rs 60/-. With car & that jhola we started... on the way she asked my name, and said it was a good name, my caste and I said i was brahmin, i got to know she was a muslim, she goes and comes back to vaani-mahal for preaching Quran. She has two sons, both she says are very good,
"both are good, both tell me maa i am here, i will do this i will do that... you dont have to worry for anything..."
"everyday you go like this?"
"no i go by car, he (probably the stakeholder/owner of the big vaani-mahal shop? may be)drops me, he is a big man... today car is not there?"
"what do you do?"
"i preach quran... they dont know quran, they dont understand it, I know the meaning of it so i preach, I was a teacher, in my times we were not allowed to study, i studied upto 8th standard, girls were not permitted,my grandmother did not allow me to study, i got married at the age of 15, those were the days, gold was so cheap, we used to have so much, we still have, see this (shows gold bangles on her hand) we had like this there are so many, we still have them locked, my daughters marriage it will be useful, she is a nice girl, studies well, they all say they are studying but we can not say, many thing we dont know, who knows?"
"dont worry all would go fine, they will study well, everything would happen for good" and she smiles, "yes everything would happen for good... see me, see you, who you are, who am I, where will we both be after sometimes... do good, and everything would happen good, quran says, mom's credit is at the top most... quran, you know quran, allah's bible..." and she opened her oral-book of all that she probably would have been preaching every evening, sometimes I did feel boring, and sometimes I felt lucky that I got the preachings, but she kept continuing, she would talk about her children (aashiq and others), about her house, talk about herself, her times, and outline with sayings of quran, she did not stop until we got down right opposite to HCL and she got into another auto... yes a black auto,
"You dont worry i can go now..."

Hope you reached safe. :)

Samaa hai:
"that is what we do in dua.. and namaaz at times... what did you say your name?"
"akhilesh"
"akk..laash?"
"akhilesh"
"ae..kaay...el..ae..ess...hutch"
"ae...kaay...hutch...ai...el...ee..ess..hutch..." and she confirmed the spelling three times...
"I would remember it, once I put up the spelling it gets into my head. Once i write also, it gets into my head, I have read quran no, I would put duas for you tomorrow..."

Hum laaye hain toofan se...

2007-07-15T01:06:00.000+05:30

I said myself I will update this blog on saturday, and now I am simply in search of words. Kya likhun... kabhie kabhie sochtaa hoon, bahut serious post likhne jaa rahaa hoon, aur kabhie kabhie aisa lagtaa hai ki life hai picnic no tension. To aisa lagtaa hai to lagne me buraai nahi, chalo yahi likhte hain din bhar se kya kiya, timepass ho jaayega...

subah...

subah na to der se utha aur naa hi jaldi, bole to time pe.... utha nahi balki uthaya gaya, oosne utha diya, saade nau baje hi, kitni ajeeb baat hai na akhil, onsite jaana hai usko, shopping karni hai oosko, par jaldi uthna hai tujhe... par achha hai campus ke ooske jaisa haal nahi hai, warna subah ke chhar baje "98.3 FM its hott!" oh it was really hott....! !!!waise neend to abhi bhi aa rahi kaanch, par apun abhi soyega nahi, homework kar ke jaayega... homework se yaad aaya... pataa nahi usko thank you kahun ya... jitne bhi logon ne weekend pe call kiya sab ne yahi kahaa... "yaar tu apni hello tune badal de, kyunki phone tu uthaata nahi hai, aur oos bachhe ko sunane ka hamaara mann nahi hai...", pahli baar hello tune lagaayi, pahle socha "main pal do pal ka shaayar hoon", fir socha nahi dusra gaana, fir dusra, fir fir fir... sach yeh duniya itni badi haina ki insaan bas bhool-bhulaiya ki tarah ghoomta hi rah jaaye, choices hi choices, aaj pura din main ooske saath tha par jyaada kuchh magaj-pachhi nahi kari apan ne, warna aap hotel me jaa ke baitho,

"sar enna venoom?"
aur aapne bol diya dosa to bas
"rava dosa... plain dosa... masala dosa.. onion dosa... ghee roast... aa.. aa aa..."
kya khaaiyega?
aur aapne bol diya "rice" to,
"plain rice... lemon rice... curd rice... tomato rice... tamarine rice... aa.. aa....aa"
sir meals lenge to plain rice ke saath me you will automatically get one different variety of rice, ek katori me...
kabhie kabhie nahi aksar yeh sochtaa hoon, T.Nagar me sarvana stores ki total kitni building hain? :p

Samaa hai:
Arz kiya hai....
Na idhar,
na udhar...
na idhar fenko,
na udhar fenko...

zaraa gaur farmaaiyega...

na idhar fenko, na udhar fenko...

arey na to idhar fenko,
na to udhar fenko....
kele ka chhilkaa....
kachre ke dabbe ke andar
haan dabbe ke andar fenko ! !!

Pssst! This is enough for tonight, chal yar good night. Kal sunday huhu! !!!kal ya aaj.... :-?

Saat saal baad

2007-07-11T21:11:00.000+05:30

Uthaa uthaa... and he picks up....

"Hello"

"Hello... Jacob sir irukaangala?"
(Hello... Is Jacob sir there?)

"Aama sollunga..."
(Yes tell me)

"Aa.. a.. Jacob sar irukara?"
(aa..a is jacob sir there)

"Aamanga naan thaan Jacob pesuranga... "
(Yes I am Jacob here...)

"Jacob sar... Naan Jacob sar kitta thaan pesurano?"
(Jacob sar.... am i talking to Jacob sir?)

"Aama Aaamanga naan thaan Jacob.... sollunga neenga yaar?"
(Yes yes I am Jacob, tell me who are you)

I knew it was him but still...
"You are Jacob? Sar eppadi irukinga..."
(how are you sar?)

"I am fine neenga yaar?"

"naan aa... kunnnnnj... kunnnnnnnjam yosi paarungala..." (Me aa... jusss..... jussssssssssst think for a while)

"Theriyilaya..."
(can't recognize)

and I still go on bugging him with kiddish voice...
"Kunnnnnnnnnnnnjam pinnala yosi paarungala..."
(think a jussssssst bit in the past..)

"Umm... ethavathu clue kudanga...."
(give me a clue please)

"Clue aa.... sari... nambo collector aaphis pinnala oru kutti school irukala... "
(Clue??? ok..... there is a school behind our collector office na...)

"oh ho... aama aama" he smiles...

"anga thaan.... naan anga thaan oru varsham padchathu..."
(there only yes I studied there only one year)

"neenga yena seniora? illa junior aa?"
(are you my senior or junior?)

"seniorum illa juniorum illa... randuthu nadula iruka nanchikongala... "
(neither your senior nor your junior... consider i am in between)

he stuns.... "randuthuku nadula na.... appo neenga yen classmate! !!!!"
(in between means.... oh then you are my classmate)

"oooh! yes..."

he opens up choices...

"Umm... are you xxx?"
"No... I am not that kaakaa...(crow)" and he smiles....

and meanwhile the bus conductor arrives... kya karun... sar ko thodi der hang karaate hain...
"kunjam wait pannunga... naan ticket vaangir ren..."
(please wait let me get the tickets)

"saringa..."
(ok)

I pay off Rs 50/- to the conductor, get the ticket get the change... and back to business...

"sorry sar romba wait panni vachhitena?"
(did i make you wait for long... am sorry sir)

"illa illa parvaa illa... ungalku tamil therima?"
(its ok... do you know tamil?)

"Naan pesurathu ungalku puritha?"
(do you understand what i am talking?)

"aama purithanga"
(yes i understand)

"Naan pesurathu tamil ungalku purithu na appo naan tami thaane pesuren"
(If you understand what i am talking then i am talking tamil only right?)

"hayyo... aamang aanalumm... neenga boy ya"
(hayyo yes but still... are you boy?)

Aur mera bheja fir gayaa, kahin ise mere bachhe ki aawaj sun ke galatfahmi toh nahi ho gayi? par aawaj itnee patli bhi nahi ki thi maine...

"boy illa na girl aa? enaye paatha ponnu mariya irukku?"
(if not boy then do you think I am a girl?)

"ayyo... neenga bhaai ya? sheikh.. sheikh!!!"
Bhaai? Sheikh.. ?? oh!

"oh bhaaiy ya.... meesai illame daadi vachhirpangala... "
(oh bhaais... the one who will have moustache but no beard... )

"hayyoo.... "
and he laughs.... but at same time his questionare starts

"are your yyy?"

"yaar athu?"
(who is that?)

"ainn... are you zzz?"
"I am not him also... and seems they used to call thaathaa... (grandfather) in school?"
that really bugs him kiddingly... he laughs and screams...
"dai... yaar pa nee?"
"hi da... this is akhilesh here.."
"who is that...?"
and I leave the kiddish voice "this is akhilesh here da..."
"Akhilesh.... Oh my god... it is you!!"

Samaa hai :
"Seems you lost your tower..."
"No da... I actually lost my balance! !!!!"

Namesake

2007-07-07T18:34:00.000+05:30

Woh exams ke din the,
Woh raat ko der se sona hota thaa...
Woh delhi ke cooler se kamra thanda hota tha...
Woh subah ko der se uthna hota tha...
Woh world cup ki baatein hoti thin,
Woh chhay ki table pe,
Donon se sharaaratein hoti thin,
Woh dopahar ki garmi dheere-dheere,
shaam ko jaake thandi hoti thi....

Aur aaj subah bhi main dekh rahaa hoon kaise dheere-dheere chhoti-badi dukaanen iss shehar ki kuchh cheejon ke saath uth rahi hain... when I got down in the morning, I did expect some changes here, infact, jab kabhie bhi yahaan chakkar lagta hai pahli baat yahi bheje me aati hai ki kya kya badlaa hoga, vallalar bus-stop ki chhoti-chhoti dukaane uth chuki hain, kuchh thodi dab kar andar ki or dhans gayi hain, to kuchh ka naamo-nishan baaki nahi hai, woh bade bade ped ab nahi rahe, holy-cross school ke saamne se hota hua fly-over pura ho chuka hai,
sathuvachari se lekar seedhe by-pass tak national highway jaati hai,
samajh lo ki aao to iss taraf, jaao to oos taraf, beech me bina-rok-tok... seedhi NH...
sadaken badi-badi si lagti hain, kaafi chaudi bhi, nahi? and it all reminds me our blue gray 3030. Pichhli baar jab yahaan aaya tha to zyaada der nahi ruka tha, warna ghar to jaise oon sabke bina khaane ko daudta hai...

Samaa hai:
"The best journey you can ever make is the one that brings you home."

Bhagam-bhaag.. he hee... :D

2006-12-13T22:40:00.000+05:30

"Ek mail karne ko bola tha, ab tak nahi kiya... kahaan pe hai re tu"
Well i am having dosa at 11:30 p.m. in room, just returned from office.

Mails pending, blog freezed, god knows other than those two numbers, when was the last long-outgoing I made. Loaded or overloaded... may be I am in search of excuses with myself, or may be I want to run away somewhere, nowhere... but where? fooh! Well, some updates before i continue writing ahead,
1. He rang at 11:30 one night, was surprised that people remember you after two years, "Maamu apun hero ban gayaa... pray kar maamu", got a break into film shooting. Came to office and we had a chat for half-an-hour. Yes, it is only they talked and I was wondering at his dedication, two years, noobdy kne where he was and 15th of this month, he would be a star. Good luck buddy! :)
2. The hide and seek game is not over yet, I set a record of losing three room keys, (not at new room but at campus), 2 cycle keys, one mobile phone and something else... will put about it later sometime.
3. He called up on birthday and it was after twenty days i heard from her. I know you would be worried that am I ok? but know that I am not too busy that you hesitate to disturb me, just that I dont get to talk to you. I am ok and so are they. :)
4. The poetry community shoots up four digit mark, huh! lot of people, lots of words and lots of scraps too. But I dont get to read all of it, just like the aaphis work, so much to learn and so much to read...
Issues and plans ahead...
1. I dont like strange philosophy of the aaphis, "either no work or too much work".
2. Knowledge doesnt come out of competition it comes out of sharing, why nobody (especially he) doesnt understands it?
3. "So much to learn and so much to read" and what about "so much to hear" soon thinking to launch worldspace in room. But i am scared if these guys will tune it to Tamil kelango kelango than Radio Jhankaar! !!
4. When shall I clear those mailbox and those desktop items at my office? Should look out for some auspicious time...
5. Will we be able to shift to another room atleast this weekend... ?? I think he would sure be here this time. will he? :-/

Closing time....
"haan haan jaa rahaa hoon yar". More updates next time... need to search some dosas at this time... :((

Samaa hai :
"Akhil this is our third meeting and you are silent." Boink! !!

75... not cleared! !!

2006-11-12T19:40:00.000+05:30

Well, that is not Ricky Ponting batting line up for some India Vs Australia, it is gmail stuff that has been getting cluttered from the past few days, all forwards, and yahoo would have gone beyond 100 from that group subscription. Of late, I did some research on how to keep things organized, and felt to use some utility programs for reminding me what things I need to do,or may be some books too can help... :P, books and me buhu! yeah but am still not as patient enough to hold and read it thouroughly some 200 to 500 pages, and these days even technical stuff doesnt flow with ease into the head. He asked me what languages you know and I said, English, hindi, tamil, C, C++ and java with some markups... and he laughs. Sunday was better today, the room is still cluttered, need to do "categorise the kachraa" the first step of the book which he gifted me at that moment, it was strange to see him sitting holding the yello colour material in left hand, often he would massage his left shoulder with his right hand.
Two days back he said,
"I am better and lot better than what I was when i came there" and that gives a relief. I am sorry i still have to reply you, but am not in the position to do it, i simply can not do it, hope you understand, I know you are not going to be here, and the day you read all this stuff, it would be my last post.... wish i could clear this fear factor between us, I still get shrink like the days of Faridabad, that answer paper affair and breaking of that biggggg glass piece... just wanted to say, they are fine. Did you try reaching me? may be, cell phone was off and it was only in evening i realized the charger was elsewhere.

Sama hai :

"I have like this library very much.
There are many interesting books available here.
I wish i could buy them all. But,
I know my parents won't let me. But,
this is the most beautiful library and,
lovely library. "

Was smiling after reading this entry written by a kid, in the guest-book lying there... :)

...

2006-11-11T23:30:00.000+05:30

"when?"
"Soon... i will... i have to" and it never materialized.
After two three weeks, i finally said him "yes". Not that i dont feel comfortable with them, but I dont know what keeps me binded to this place, and anyone who has read this one can feel it, it is not the same place but then there is lot of description. The other hot day, I got stuck into the jungles and banyan trees... i remember the theater was then not here, it was on the other side i had to walk down back, and after getting accomodated here, I pass the building every morning... every morning.... when semesters begin, a huge rush of students get into this place, each one from a different part of the country, new faces, new environment, everything so enthusiastic, everything so energetic, one thing i have noticed is, there is close relation of cycles and the semester times.... sale of cycles, kind of bidding on both old and new ones, and it happens only when semesters begin... within a week, they all can be seen passing-rushing to their respective class-rooms right in front of our old quarters, all coming from their hostels, moving in groups with ther trin-trins, ranger, mtb, hercules, photonex and other race-gaadis, and guess what? 90% of them in their half-pants and bermodas (another reason how a student of this places differs from a college student outside this campus), as the time passes, their number reduces, two-three months... and groups shrink, lots getting busy, i dont hear those trin-trins, i dont see them in groups shouting...
"ruk be main aa rahaa hoon" then is time for events, competitions... out of many others, there are two main ones, one that happens in october, (kind of technical masti) and the one pertaining to culturals in jan-feb... the latter is real deadly, i still remember the evening, i was in vgp last year and had to rush to this place, the circle then was all decorated.... it is always in lights on evry such small-big occasions, there were all bikes and cars all around, he though working elsewhere had already managed to get in, and i was still rushing in bus near adyar, and then inside, and then somehow peeped in the open-air-theater, theater was all crowded with those hundreds of people, and shankar mahadevan right in middle of stage...."dekhaa na hai re..." soon switched to "kal ho na ho...",
"may i have these lights off...." he said...lights off, its all dark and everyone with their mobiles on, waving around in darkness to cheer it up... then came evening of Rang De Basanti, when madhavan, siddharth and others sat live just after the movie here, should i go and bring my digi-cam or will I miss these precious moments by running elsewhere...??? There have been so much catching moments here, the first movie was "Ram", and since then i dont konw how many i have seen, english, tamil, telugu, malayalam and hindi, including "sholay", "fanaa" and the recent one "KANK"... and its not just this centralplace, there aer corners too, the funny moments of quarters, those nights sitting on terrace, those rainy days, those ins and outs through the gates, those lift-experience, that bicycling, those lonely whistles in darkness, those sunsets at guest-house terrace, those mess-up in the mess, so many... there are so many moments, some captured here, and some reached their destinations even before they could be brought here, it all looks like yesterday when i was getting heated up in the scortching sun, searching for mango-"slice", and it also feel like so much has passed within a single night, so much, so much and almost nothing...I push myself away from the round white ball, get down and enter in, soon he knocks...
"Welcome home....." i welcome him in his own room.... and he smiles.
"When did you come?"
"Just when i had rang you. I have only brought my one bag here..."
"no problem man rest, we will shift."
"let me see, i don't want to do it in one shot, we can do it one by one..."
and today am back at this wonderful place...

Chennai as I see it

2006-10-20T15:30:00.000+05:30

It is now that a rough map of this city is fitting into my head... the heart-line of the city, the mount-road also known as anna salai, (i would better mark it as "23 C") begins nearing before guindy crossing saidapet, teynampet, longway towards nandanam, tvs, lic and ending up to the railway station after deviating near just on the corner to ritchie-street. Ritchie-street kind of burma-bazaar in vellore or china-bazaar/chor-bazaar or bumbai-bazaar as it shall be known at other places where we may buy a small watch, or make deals, from calculator, cd-palyer, dvd items to p-4 dashing desktop at so cheap. I remember long back i had been at the place to look out for a small vsnl-internet connection-voucher, the govt office had almost gone into stock-over thing in the whole of vellore distt and case almost same in chennai too. After roaming around five shops i could finally hang around him, saying me... "take this, dont pay here, pay in the shop near to this one, just on left side." Only god knows what the khichdi goes on at such places. The big circle before guindy,yes the one near le-meridien marks the major diversions, left route straight goes to bus-stand, right is the airport. If I miss-out here, no-go I only need to take a u-turn somewhere after moving ahead, (only if I have not gone too deep. :P) Just got the forward two-days back a fly-over project would be replacing the circle, i guess its already 2-3 years i have been looking at the structures erecting there, and may be I can see some similar "will-be-done soon" at other places too. It is only after coming chennai i could get the regional-differences of the language, language is same, but then there still there are variations, just like hindi is not hindi everywhere... people from madurai say "anney" and chennai people say "anna"... the former one is little pleasant one, no harm if you use the latter one too. Someone from virudhunagar would generally use "le" in the end... than "da" "de" "dai" or "ra". Autowalas speak different tamil, yes the too colloqial one, and the one like "I am ready to hit you" .... oh! yes whatever they speak or dont speak, it simply counts same formula, the number of major bus-stops*10 to pay them finally, crossing 3 major bus stops=30, four-stops=40... no harm if you ever paid 80-100 from adyar to the railway station, you still had a better deal. And everything that you have ever read about T.Nagar either in fun or in reality is true... if someone says we will meet at sarvana-store never go by him, or you may end-up like him gettng down at the bus-stop, looking around finding a boy like me and asking, "bhaiya aapko pataa hai, sarvana store kahaan hai?" yaar puraa T.Nagar sarvana store se bharaa padaa hai, kaunsa sarvana store, i dont know how many are there. Kisi me bartan ki dukan, kisime, kapde ki, kisi me kya to kisime kya.. only thing i remember is the bus-stand and the small circle, ha ha... circle?? the signal there has no meaning, and the traffic-police doesnt know whether to control govt bus, or peple or two-wheeler or three-wheelers... if you are with nobody, blindly walk down in the directon you want to.. there will be 4-5 cars, 7-8 two wheelers and a big mob on all side, plus signal and police... all their presence doesnt make a difference for zig-zag movers. :P Some places are too specific to somethings royapet = furniture-special region, (i think i would order a bureau for myself there), egmore (near museum) is for visa and travel agents, some qntique pieces for decorations can be found right opposite to spencer plaza, old second hand books can be found at "moore market" on right to the central, and dont run to that adyar centre for your homeopathy troubles. It is basically ayurvedic center, for homeopathies, "singer road" behind central is best.

Check your purse before going to sarana bhavan hotel.... yes, probably that is the only brand that wins the "quality-first" race followed by "vasant bhavan", but at place like T.Nagar or panagal park, once he said lunch was 140/- ... baj gayi ghanti, i have never been there, but i would frame it this way, first place to Hotel Bharani in thiruvanmiyur, it is the best one, then any valid "sangeetha" brand, ( all that one in adyar, near guindy and nungambakkam) is good. If you missed your lunch, it is hard to find meals/plain rice after everning in hotels, but you have an option of messes, any andhra mess if open would supply white rice in evening, adyar janapriya is always a perfect choice. There are other messes in interior regions, like taramani, where they cook in home and serve, but you can not always expect it just what you want. I would vote rank first to the one in mehta nagar near nungambakkam for that list. Never expect tea-to be good at all places, if you have hotchips around, just walk-in straight but only for tea, don't try too-strong coffee (:P). I still need to try the coffee day, may be i can think of trying the newly opened one in the campus, bhagwaan jaane what it means to have a coffee worth 40 rs/- and the caption still reads...

"a lot can happen over coffee"

You can go for local shops, what they call tea-kadai, but tea there is either toooooo good or it is so bad that you can not call it tea. Lastly to have masti, go to theme park like kishkinta/MGM, hangout place for new generation is spencer-plaza the big shopping complex, movies=sathyam theater, book-readers and music lovers would hunt for "odyssey", "landmark", or fun-lovers will find marina-beach plesant in evening (also called gandhi beach), and if I wanna go beach at night after 10 with a cornetto in hand, I would better prefer besant nagar, it is much peaceful plus nobody questions me there...

...

2006-10-16T23:34:00.000+05:30

Where are you?
How are you?
Are you angry with us?
How is life?
When did he come?
Why did not you tell to us?
Why you are not replying mails?
I have no answer for anything anywhere, just in trying to hold self somewhere I lost trust in my ownself. Sometimes I wonder if it is environment that makes me up or is it me who make up my environment. May be bad days are gone, and they shall be back again later, for without them something called "life" has no meaning. I am neither sad that I had it, nor happy that its all over. May be from now on when I move to the office, i shall not say myself "Are you ok?".

For all friends, visitors and bloggers, can't say I am back, but I feel its time I close my notebook and start scribbling at this place again. And ya the new template, started it looooooooooong back, left it in half construction then and there, and few days back wrapped it up. Except the coding part, I dont owe anything here, neither the house-picture, nor the borders around...

Samaa hai : Younhi kat jaayega safar saath...

...

2006-08-15T01:01:00.000+05:30

When I first met him, he looked a typical villager and why just him everyone here in quarters is from some village... ("interior tamilandu" is what the term they sue if you go down Chennai, on south india map). Well that is what i am seen, a city chap or is it because me being north-indian.... pataa nahi, on friendship day when i inaugurated the "STING" branded shirt(let us not talk of the other brands as of now) he said, "what friendship day, you would be going to some big hotel and we are going to enjoy here only".. biiiiiiiiiiiiiigg hotel... :O.... oh so every weekend when i am out he assumes i am on a 3star hotel????? May be.. who knows...He, as i said on first meet with a smile on his face looked typical villager and the smile is same every day, when he wishes "hi akhil good morning" Then, i was not aware if he would go as easy, not that i can do an open-heart surgery and reveal home, family and blah blah to him, but he can hang up on issues and engage me into talking. Apart from her, there are only a few ones whom i can speak what i want, i have my choices what to talk though. He thinks and yes, thinks the way i do. If not as a whole but at one point the topic drags parallel to me. The other day he simply said...

"you are villager?"

"yes, basically", i said.

"Oh that is why you understand it all this way"

It is around 3:40 a.m. and we both never knew when the other guys slept. It is only we three in this whole quarter who sit so long and keep talking. And talk what? nothing but who what how where and... why(probably the easiest yet most difficult question to answer) At times and more often i am speechless and find them talking, he speaks facts and with solid reasons, america, india japan.... he supports him and produces his ideas, and i usually speak on grass-root level. Today was second night in the past 15 days, when we just started off and simply gone into deep discussions. We two carried it on conditions of villages and he escaped into sleep. At times i get worried of him where will he be after my departure, i dont know about others and though i have not knit anything too deep, but i know he should be feeling 'bout it, will he? may be...

"he too is leaving, one month later these guys too will be off... i can not do anything, i have already wasted enough of it, there are hard chances on any way out from here, will I ever find me"

this is what must worry him. Hold on dear just just hold onto yourself, the best you can do at the moment. I dont know if before-dawn prayers are taken, i wish it should all go fine with you. God bless.

Me humming Pochh kar ashk apni aankhon se...

Tey dey taneyen ! !!

2006-08-10T21:06:00.000+05:30

I open my eyes, look around, the windows are dark but there is little light outside,

subah ho gayi maamu? subah? oye yaar raat ko tu shirt pant pehan ke hi sogayaa? and belt too is up tight? lying on the bed i search for my watch, indicates 4:20, and then cell phone 16:20, shaam!!!!... oye haan shaam hai, tabhi to sochun ki aaj inee subah-subah... to dopehar ko? haan dopehar ko sab ko chhorh ke, ghode bech ke soye the apan, two missed calls? ab yeh kab baje?? and did someone knock? haan kuchh aisa lagtaa hai ki kisi ne shaayad... shaayad kisine darwaaja khatkhataaya thaa.... kaun tha? i place my cell aside leave the bed, open the door huuuuuhuuuuu! cool natural ac air flows from backdoor, its raining outside, there is such a difference between inner and outer temperature, i open the door fully to let the air flow in and circulate. Went to their room and nobody there, its locked! came back, and stood watching the drops, drizzles are getting slower, when will it stop? chal muh dhole, i go to bathroom, wash my face, and get back... it hasnt stopped yet... increased rather... :( ok! still we can go ahead, tey dey taneyen... i put it on and like a good photographer search for some good thing at some good angle... :P, woh, no nahi... woh chair, nahi... lights are not proper, hey movie try karen? and a 23 second movie of falling rains... replay? buhu!! yeh kya le rakhaa hai, andhere se ujaale ki or??... fir baalti me girtaa paani? people already mock at you for your craziness, isse dekh ke bolenge "hadd kar di aapne"... :)), shhhhhhh... ek dam bekaar hai, delete kar de... then that dried leaf... par... :((.... arey yar kuchh majaa nahi aa rahaa.... i keep playing with it, clicking it here and there, yeh bhi darr ki kahin lense me paani na chale jaaye, me getting worried... fir idhar-fir udhar but.. :( slowly the rains get slower and i feel it is now i can march ahead and check out my luck, tey dey taneyen..... hunt for the rain drops, drops resting on leaves, drops standing on flowers, drops holding on , drops just sliding down, and drops doing pull-ups, hanging up andd....... aaaaaabout too fall after a wait... some 7-8 snaps here and there, and back to room.

"Hiiiiiiiiii!"

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii bhaiya! !!" she responds back in her chweet voich.

"Kab aaye? didi ko deo main baat karta hoon... ..woh aa gayi tune phone bhi nahi lagaaya, aaj ke din bhi main hi yaad karunga kya???" and she jiggles. Little later, I go to lab, and start my business, connect the cam usb, put it on... thoda music on hona chahiye yar, i search for some music and get lost with chandan das, thodi der baad... i find it off... ise kya hua? again on and off.... on aaaff on aaaff.... :(( no charge! !! Ab iske liye i cant go to room and...

Today, me near that tea-shop, suddenly stormy air blows, similar climate, wuhu! aaj bhi.... i finish my coffee soon, rush to room, wahi drops ke saath nahi, nahi baar baar nahi, aaj terrace pe chalte hain yar, haan... tik tik tik sidi se upar and i rush to terrace... darwaja khola, verandah... pipes ki sidiyon se terrrace, hmmm chal... sidiyan lohe ke jaisi, jaise terrace par nahi paani ki tanki pe chadnaa ho... camera jeb me rakh ke main bhaagte bhaagte hold those iron baars and.... tey dey teynen.... hul hul hullllll! !! I just get back, kya tha woh? fir se try kar ke dekhen, i just try touching it with a faster wave of my hand again and... hmm.... bheegi bheegi raaton me... idhar tum aao na... no terrace, no camera... i give up, get down and find him standing there... "man! that one shocks!!!"

"aa yes, i thought of informing you already! !!! may be because of that wire tied there coming from somewhere..."

oh.... i put it on again.... and walk out... tey dey taneyen...

[Tentative Countdown : 20 ]

Kaam karna chahiye

2006-08-08T19:10:00.000+05:30

I order the same butter-roti with aalu-gobi masala and a green-salad. Giving the original receipt at the delivery counter and holding the carbon-copy i return back to my seat. Looking around, its a small place, the stage-like thing where the kitchen is installed inside, all catering is done there, little outside is the juice-cum-chat stall, just there on the left of it is small window where one can peep-in to do the billing, then down the stage are five sheds, hut like roofs of asbestos sheet, may be that is the reason it is only open in nights, each shed occupying some four-five table-chair pairs, four shdeds on four corners and one in center, this one in center is little big, but still leaving enough space between stage and itself...

Ropes at those shed-fences have been replaced by the heavy iron chains, lanterns have been replaced by bulbs and tueblights, the wooden khatiyas are nowhere seen, tables and chairs take their place, the counter-call boys are missing and there hangs a red three digit, digital-automatic L.E.D. one at the catering-site, it is all revised, revised completely with a different look, but one thing that still remains is the loud-speaker playing radio "jhankaar"... and probably that is the reason i still come here. Its around midnight and this is open, few more guys who either have been loitering in their labs, or those who would be awake hungry in their hostels know that this is the and only place in whole of campus where you can find food at this time... come loiter, have something and leave, they are busy eating in one shed, some waiting for their token call and some chatting, shouting having fun mocking one another... reminds me of those last few days of college life where i had to nihgts in hostel, but not too deep that i think of moving the clock back, and he comes to me. A young chap, should be of some 14-16 years, average height, good fit and smart looks with that srk kinda hair style. I remember the firrst time, when they were there i had given the token to him... and asked for another plate...

"Ek aur thaali dena"

"Thaali?"

"Haan thaali"and the word simply got his attention to me, even i felt, after a long time it came on my tongue, but it just came, it just came instead of 'plate'. Later when i was eating he came to me smiling....

"bhaiya aap kahaan se?" had a talk and went back. It did surprise him then,

"why did he come?"

"simply just to have a chat with me"

"to chat ?"

"yes, he found that i am hindi and probably from his region"

"how come, still did he come to talk with you..." and i could not get how to explain the "thaali" thing that linked between us. Since then everytime i go there he welcomes me with a smile. Even today he came,

"aur bhaiya aapke dost sab aagaye?"

"dost?... haan sab aa gaye" is he in notion that I am a student, oh now that semeseters have started...

"Main yahaan pe kaam kartaa hoon... "

"Aap yahaan pe kaam karte hain?"

"haan"

Surprisingly, he suddenly turns down to know the fact.. but still asks,

"Kahaan pe?"

And i try to locate him my department...

"oh wahaan pe"

replies back in forced smiles,

"aap bhi kaam karte hain, main bhi yahaan kaam kartaa hoon, kaam karna chahiye, kaam karne me burai thodi hai, kaam to karna chahiye.... milenge bhaiya" and leaves off to the juice stall! !!!!!

Hawaa pe tairte tinke

2006-08-07T18:55:00.000+05:30

"How is life?"
"Whats up?"
"Where were you?"
World gets smaller and smaller, you reach out to people, people who are around but still at enough at a distace to be called 'away' and people I have never seen, and would probably ever see?... but does it matter? and today it was him.... he engages well at Raushni, right from the beginning,

"you said a very right thing that we, by giving education, can permanently remove unemployment and poverty but the reason why i wrote that was this i feel that a
person not having enough food to eat can not be literated first. what you want we to do..."

and I feel if I will have to re-arrange on my vadapalani-night-thoughts, thoughts? or dreams? or plans, would I ever get to them, I would always be talking of my non-sense, and he would listen it all, probably he knew it could only be in talks... but can I simply leave it at that? he says,
"you come here and join and you will have no time for anything else"
"is that so??It should not be like that da..."
and he smiles.
Yes, i do want to skip over and and think would do this, would do that, but i think i would badly miss few things for next few months, and at same time other things bug me, on one side he keeps pinching, that was sixth-or-seventh missed call from him, to that he says,
"maaamu, why do you call him back? forget it" and so does she....

"tu chorh diya kar, usko call mat karaa kar" but the other me, the so called "good-me" holds me back, I hold him, and though I suffocate I reach to him the same night and do his due, and him? at times I feel like banging him too, and the so called his "system"... but i fear if it will shut the whole of it, i think it sure will if not today atleast a year or two later, should I go ahead at it? i think i must, will I ? it sucks and it all sucks badly, thanks to them both that they are around, one week, things went other way round and i hold them on phone, spit all that I feel can make me comfortable, but also end up in sympathy for the old-man, but then still why me??? i dont know where i would have been by this time... :P

should have been...?? haa haa.. :)).... countdown goes on, and I have to keep wathicn it, its climax that i wanna see, suddenly into the morning got the mail about his arrival... Thanks lord, without him my existence doesn't make sense, I still search for an identity of myself and he tries to put a picture into an empty frame, in doing so, he worries me, but still tries to hold little strength for himself and myself too, and I lock up all his words and my status within myself.

Suddenly in afternoon, he... he did something diferent, titled me "circuit bhai", with that photo he had snapped on weekend, ek pal ko kuchh samajh me nahi aaya, and then a strange smile ran my face...

and evening there i see a scrap...

"how is life now?"
what does he mean by "now"?
bole to chalti ka naam zindagi... chalti hi jaa rahi hai.... :D

...

2006-08-03T13:35:00.000+05:30

He is much more like him, sometimes harsh, sometimes so guiding, laughs instantly and jokes at times...
"What do you know?"
"Sir i know java to some extent..."
"I dont know java, what is the advantage of this language??"
"Sir it is platform independent..."
"What is platform independence?"
"Sir the code can run on any operating system"
"Oh! Now I also know java" and we both laugh.
That was the first casual talk with him... I haven't had much time with him and its just such casual talks often and he like everyone else is unaware how I see him... I remember the day when we both were sitting, and he had suddenly come from behind us, "what are you doing?"
"nothing sir"
"Not going?"
and we both smiled... "what are you going to do tomorrow?"
"Mmm.... nothing sir"
"Not going to your native?"
"No sir"
He then had enquired about our families and all the stuff...
"How about you sir?"
"Oh! I have a child and would be here... previously we had a dog and he used to fear of those crackers."
"tomorrow is a holiday?" he asked.
"don't know sir" it was just one day previuos to deepavali and we were still untold if we could shut the lab down or someone will have to take responsibiilty.
and he then with a hard voice but tricky smile had said... "Tomorrow is a holiday and you both are not going to come". and we both jiggled.
"I will come to your room tomorrow. Where is your room.."
"Sir it is near that..." and we thought he must be joking but the next day around 11:00 in afternoon he just surprised me with his visit, holding those sweets and snacks called murukkus, I am sure they were home-made for the festival.
"Where is he?"
"Sir he is upstairs..."
"Ok! See you and..."
"Sir, mmmm....."
"Its ok.. " and soon his scooty had vanished! !!!
Today was another time when we both stuck between two walls, he had few words to tell me, something that i always saw ahead and feared off... is it wrong to take temporray decisions in life?? or is it that anything decided temoporarily tends to become permanent if not changed over a long period of time.??

-April 19 2006.

Chalti ka naam zindagi...

2006-07-29T13:51:00.000+05:30

I can feel it raising up and turning into sort of frustration, kind of feeling where you smell a rotten onion, kind of feeling where you feel suffocated, i know there are certain things i need to do but i don't do them, why? not that i dont want to, not that i can not, but i simply, simply dont do them. sort of confusion? i dont know... sort of hesitation? i dont know.... sort of fear? may be, may be not... looking at my old books, those from even tenth standard, he once said me,

"Kya tu bhi confused aadmi ki zindagi jeeta rahtaa hai... jinki jaroorat hai woh rakh le aur jinki nahi hai woh fenk de", and i always had that physics and maths would always be required at any stage, and it did, i did have to search for projectile motion formula to trace the trajectory motion of a ball for small c-based game... but the phrase, "Confused aadmi" still sits in the head. Vision is vision and it only means to be wrong and right, there are different ways of doing things, and each one would mean to take me at the same place but then it is not the next landmark ahead in the journey, it matters, and it does matter to chose between the right and the wrong way to reach there, without disturbing even a single pebble... why do i always caliberate everything between wrong and right? am i becoming too calculative? probably yes, just four days and things stir up to shake me and all I do is get back to room hold a stone throw it on that tree... it all suddenly gets shuffled, long unnecessary waits and I have nothing, nothing to do than to get back browse orkut from morning to evening, change pictures, change name and do all sort of different things that i can, it is not the craze of something, but yes i need something to keep myself busy, anything that can keep me engaged, anything which doesnt let me sit idle, and be lost into countdowns... neither me nor anybody is going to gain anything with all this, but move on for this is what it is, and you need to accept it.

Bahaarein fir bhi aayengi

2006-07-25T20:29:00.000+05:30

I thought i would surprise her with my sudden visit but just some hours before departing, he rang....

"heard the news?"

"nahi kyun?"

"yar go and check it... there are seven blasts in mumbai, go and watch tv somewhere, decide if you should go or not" and that shocked me with a smile, for a while it made me think,

think and feel how the conditions would be on those sufferer's and their family, not me but someone of my age would have travelled in train but would not have reached, why? why and why the hell does it all happen? and i convince myself reminding the same fact "one man does not understand antoher and there is no way you can control other persons thoughts and actions", moved myself away from whole of it, found more details and in dilemma, jaaun ya na jaaun? at such times I remember him, should i ring him? will he say something? No, he is alone and far away, he may say "yes" but would still be worried, and finally had to, had to ring her and enquire if I can come...

"kal subah meri train hai, main soch rahaa hoon aaun ki nahi"

"kahaan pe? bambai me hi to hai... tu to aa sakta hai, jaisi teri samajh me aaye, aaye to hoshiyari se aana"

and that shattered all my plans of surprising her. He asks,

"Tu itna serious kyun rahtaa hai, khaaya piya kar, mauj masti kiya kar", she was worried if i dont get proper food to eat. She had her comments "Kya bhaiya sukde sukde se ho gaye ho..." and they all had their own complaints, "Appu ko to dekhe pataa nahi kitne saal ho gaye the...." Those bus travels, those kachha roads, those night-stays, those rains and he dropping both of us at night on bike, that bus incident where me and her got jammed at this place for one whole afternoon,

that kichad, fir woh dhakka lagaana, fir woh chappal, fir woh puri pant kharaab karna, and that "Phir hera feri" movie with pakodas in chilling morning, that comment on bus...

"Tameez se baat kijiye, ijjat muft me milegi",

that lost receipt of post office and then finding it in my own purse, that morning of rafis songs, that one beggar incident which me and her often remind each other...

"Saagar kabhie sukhte nahi hain saab,

Daane kabhie chookte nahi hain saab,

Aap jis ek rupaye se paan-supaari khaakar thook dete hain,

Oosi ek rupaye me hum khaana khayenge saab,

Saagar kabhie sukhte nahi hain saab

Daane kabh...."

and that typical pandit with his tandoora.... "Baa jaa.... bajaane ka! !!"

Ten days, each was a different experience in silence, it all starts with the platform and ends back onto the platform again. Holding a mix up of sore-sweet stories within myself, i am back from my native, but only to take another short-break soon, will take some more time before I get stable till then visitors, friends and bloggers, keep waiting and keep smiling. :-)

Me thinking who ate my message of khataara shoutbox, indicating I would be absent for ten days ??

Pyaas

2006-07-11T11:30:00.000+05:30

I smear my eyes, dhundlaa sa darwaaja saamne, galaa sukha jaa rahaa hai, lips all dried, throat and the toungue wanting some liquid to be poured into, I throw away the bedsheet, though it is summer par bina chaadar ke kabhie need hi nahi aati, searched for the cell phone, pataa nahi low battery se kab off ho gayaa, ghadi me dekha to paune chaar baj rahe the, na din ke, raat ke, beech ke... opened the door, baahar aaya, apna room latch kiya, reached to other room, pushed it slightly but it did not open, and again with little more force, but it did not open,

did these guys closed the door today??? roz to khula rahtaa hai aaj kyun band kar diya? tried knocking it twice, thrice, par... :(( chalo pichhe chal ke dekhte hain, that is always closed at night, there was no hope but I did want to give a try, picche aaya to raat ke andhere me, junglee insects, tirr tirrrr gaana gaa rahe the, reached near their door, pushed it and this too was closed.... huff! kya karun? Kahaan jaaun? shall i take cycle and go out, but where? itni raat ko paani ki bottle kahaan milegi? which shop will be open? shall i go to lab? lekin iss waqt lab me? nahi... can i wake him up? shall i call him?... nahi sone de, par pyaas lagi hai, chal soja, ek do ghante ki to baa hai, fir subah ho jaayegi. I come back, lye down on bed, idhar karvat badli, udhar karvat badli... could not put myself to sleep, got up again, ghadi me dekha to chaar baj ke paanch minute, got up again, opened the door, reached to their room, knocked the same again but :((, fir socha ek message kar ke dekhte hain, came to room, plugged-in the charger into cell phone, dropped a message into the other room, "Hi... can you open the door. I need some water."

par..... :((, Waapas room me, fir khayaal aaya kahin cycle leke baahar chalen, par fir itni raat ko kahaan jaayenge? koi can hai kya... i open the door come out and find one there, hai, ek can extra baahar hi padi hai, yeh andar le jaana bhool gaye kya? chalo achha hua, chhod pyaas lagi hai, par itni badi can se.... koi gilaas ya bottle... i come back to my room, there can not be any tumbler but not even an aquafina bottle which i could have bought on one or two days back, I could rinse and use it well, fir pichhe gayaa, kahi shaayad kisine bhoole se koi glass tumbler choorh diya ho to, but no, pyaas chadte jaa rahi hai aur saamne 15-20 litre ki can bhi hai par... then saw a chair nearby, hmm... came to room brought the chair in, fir waapas and lifted the can, brought it in and placed on chair, seal break ki, plastic tear kiya, dhakkan khola, par paani yahi pe dhul gayaa to? pura bistar gila ho jaayega... baathroom me le ke chale? bathroom me?? bathroom me kursi lagaa ke, 15-20 paani ki can titl karke... oye tu soch kya rahaa hai... nahi nahi, yeh attached bathroom hai, i can open this door and bring this chair and... haan..... bathroom ka darwaaja khola, it has another door too, so that it can be used as attached or as separate, but at the moment it was this door that was important to me, chair darwaaje ke paas lagaayi, can ko bathroom ke entrance ki taraf tilt kiya, so that even if the water falls on ground, it falls in bathroom, ek paaon mere room me, ek paaon bathroom me, left hand se can and seedhe haath se anjali bana kar, i tried to pour water on my right hand, and drink from it, yes, yes, thoda sa aur... aur.... aur aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Gutuk, gutuk, gutuk..... it was a great relief, a similar experience where a tube-well is running into fileds and you drink water without use of tumbler, pyaas bujhi aur main can seedhi karne hi wala tha ke, the other door opened and a fat 'pakka-tamilian' guy in lungi came in, oh yeh, isko subah hi dekha tha, ooska rishtedaar hai shaayad, he looked odd at me, and i asked him in tamil,

"did you close both the doors today?"

"May be anna would have closed them." He did not say anything but i am sure he indeed would have been surprised for what was going on, alteast his 'inke yahan pe paani aise hi peete hain kya?'look was revealing it.

"I was feeling thirsty, tried knocking your doors but nobody opened"

"I am sorry, we did not know"

"Is xxx there?"

"Yes, he is sleeping"

"I was thirsty, tried knocking, messaged him..... just now i had to open this new can and...."

"oh i am sorry ..."

"Its ok!" He stood there, i came in my room,can ka dhakkan lagaaya, bathroom ka darwaaja band kiya and back to sleep....

Zindagi aa rahaa hoon main

2006-07-06T16:30:00.000+05:30

One more day and I see myself running like a train, no time to look around, no time to think what is happening, just run run and run as fast as you can, that is what is wanted, that is what is expected, long back he said, "life will take you automatically" and I can feel it happening, "something would be lost" and i fear if i will be lost in the crowd, but I do want to exist. I fear of this speed, I fear of running neither left nor right, just straight in middle of the road, fear of running blindly and getting hit with a pillar, how hard will it be getting smashed and to fall on the ground? It is hard to imagine, did I want to live a life of this kind?? probably not, I know i had my choices, and I had them clear and straight, gazing too longer in the past I always arrived late, late everywhere.... and I am still late by two years, but one thing i have learnt is "there is nothing called a temporary-decision", every temporary decision tend to become permanent as the time passes, the enthusiasm has ceased, and I am back into the status of a stage-fear when I it was my first seminar session, heart still beats harder, hands still shiver on occasions, but does it matter? though very light but urge to live exists and it will be there, it will be there until my last breath. I have always been transparent to myself, I can feel where i am wrong, I can feel where i am right, and I can feel where I am running and I am all broken & need myself, I can even feel what step of mine can put me into which biggest challege ahead. There is a strong beilef that I can withhold, and i can withhold anything to everything, I know where to compromise and where to stand rigid. Another turn-up in life, and he stands behind me, showing me the statisctics of time-line, a future-face, every man including me should always be ready to face to. It all looks like maze of glasses, everything so transparent that you can view 'right in and through' whole of it from one side to the other, but it still is a maze. Either i am too clear or I am all confused, but somewher there is a feeling "this is what I wanted", I am laughing, i am smiling and carryig everything coming my way, am I dreaming or rather day-dreaming, I dont know, but I am being pulled up, where? I don't know, the speed still makes me frightened on occasions, just like shievering of hands when driving faster, I want to walk slowly and steadily, for to stop is to cease to exist and to run is not my nature.... but at the moment I have to do what is needed...

Reason to smile.

2006-07-04T00:31:00.000+05:30

After a long gap, gaining a little confidence I moved out to see the world outside, opening those doors and windows... was never regular on my normal timings but this is the first time that even on sunday I was here, sitting, browsing the pics that I snapped from my digicam, songs that I had downloaded on occasions, stuffs i scribbled for myself, browsed orkut extentsively, music running on small speakers than on microphone, from movies old&new, all right from KKs "khaike paan banaaras wala" to abhijit's new album lamahe.... I like the two number from that, "Main rahun na rahun" and "khwaabon me aana jaana", its much similar to "Tere bina", almost all songs of tere bina were good, whenever I hear any one of it, i remember the evenings of setting sun, taking Maruti 800 on that bye-pass road picking her from school, even for those little few minutes from scool to home, we would play antakshari. Wish atleast one of you was around...
He is just as it is, both in health and in character, came here for a weekend, we were in same room together, and even in lab his seat & mine would be side by side, and one day he moved to cherish his dreams, at a better place. First time, when he came I went out to vellore, second time too i was out, it was like, when he was there I was not and when I was there he could not be in the campus for his two days schedule, but this time I said myself I have to be here... else not he, but I will have to complaint myself. He reached day before yesterday, being saturday he too rang, I did not know who will be coming when? and it happened, both of them almost reachng me in at same time, and I am never good at managing more than one task. The day had started with his call and then few sms and then fully calls around. A news doesn't take to go around the network, especially the one of this kind. She was talking-smiling as usual, "so now you are all going to be together and have fun in chennai", can't say but i am still waiting for official response, he remembered the days of college, he enquired if it is the same thing that I was looking for, and with him, difference in timings was 13 hours (shuld have been in half sleep when i rang him), he was busy in some house construction...

"i was searching for phone akki",

oh man I know how clothes will be one upon the other and the room conditions on those occasions, and he was sleeping because of his night shift and when he rang back I was in bathroom, and he? he said...

"I am on bike and bike is moving",

now what is that,

"dai, park your bike on the side, and then talk da..."

to that he replies, "I am on bike, and bike is sure moving but I am on back seat, someone else is riding", good joke, and she had dropped two liners enquiring when I would be winding up things, he was enjoying at tenth floor of that metropolitan city, "it is raining here akhil"... and she? I knew she can wait and she can wait without any questions, using the forwards to stay in touch... and he though had picked my call in roaming, rang back again on cell from landline plus when he reached office, a mail to my gmail-id and a cc to the other id, thank you so much da... and rest others.... I am thinking how to face them, some are furious, some are serious, and some as usual talking with smile, he says,

"...and I am trying to become like you", I could say "I know it" but we both laugh,

and few more yet to know about it and many more whom I would have missed... would it also be a coinicidence that he too is now trying to practice on internet, probably tried to write a mail in english...

"Hye Bhayya How are you.

I am fine.

I am wishing to god that you are have many and biggest achivment in your life."

Thank you all for being there, and making me realize I have a reason to smile... waiting for it to happen.

Mamoo tu corporate ban gayaa

2006-07-01T01:54:00.000+05:30

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known god."

And before I could say I will go for this, he said... "Yeh main le loonga, i want this..."

"do you have two copies"

dukaanwala said, "no"

"theek hai tu rakh le", and

"Tu le le"

"nahi tu le le" and I finally won... he carried the only pic of that kind to his home, this weekend again woh wahin road pe apni dukaan lagaaye baitha tha, and he said, "Hey akhil wahi waala", and I also got one, this now hangs up in my room.

I always laugh at history with the quote "the only thing you learn from history is that you learn nothing from history" but somewhere there is another quote that goes much contradiciting t same is, "History repeats, and it keeps repeating until man learns something out of it." After college, it was third attempt there, first I was out at test iteself, buhu! Second, I made through test, made through GD and I almost inn except that very vey unfortunate googly which did shock me and almost everyone... this time I knew how badly I was in need of something. When I walked down there on that day, they made me sit and I was playing "Opposite" game at my cell phone. One hour, and back to campus. When i came out he asked me, how I did, I said,

"I did it ok but seeing the question papter, its my assumption that others will not have done it too good, and that way I am happy."

He laughed, next day he rang me, "Congrats aki" you made it, and prepare well, they would be calling you tomorrow at 4:30. It was a different feeling, I could not even concentrate, simply loiitering aroud, talking with her, "main papa se woh wala phone mangaaungi... jisme yeh hota hai, jisme woh hota hai.... hey appu tere ko pataa hai GPRS ki full form kya hoti hai?" Ooske apne hi shauq hain, and she lives a life where she would see something in everything. I remember how she would say to mummy... "Yeh waali chaadar bed pe mat daala karo, isse to woh waali achi hai". Listened to her, went to room at 2:00 and awake till 3:00 in morning, morning or night, aage se "beech ka" bolunga. Got up at 10:30 that too after one alarm and three reminders of five minutes intervals each. Watched the face in mirror, pataa nahi yeh ek buri aadat kab se pad gayi hai, said myself "you are going to make it this time" nahaa dho ke, all those wrox press book, fir woh SCJP, object serialization, networking, collections, servlets, JSP and... 3'O clock, arey khaana bhi nahi khaaya, chal juice pee lenge, blue shirt, black pant pahan ke off with the new Lady Bird second hand cycle to main gate. Auto karenge, and purse khol ke dekha to ek bees ka aur ek paanch ka, ATM aagayaa par pin code abhi tak aaya nahi :(, bus pakad ke reached carrying those books. Receptionist said wait there, we will call you at 4:30, 4:30 se 5:00 hua, 5 :00 se 5:30... and finally he appeared "akhilesh...."

It was after two years I was meeting him, he is still the same, the same face, just that now one or two silver hair on his head in those black ones. It was on just three ooccasions that I met him earlier and each one time it was not more than 15 minutes talk. Though meetings were too small and we would have to travel three hours to see him for just 10-minutes, he would be so clear to tell where exactly to do what. His thoughts would simply transfer as it is to me. I never expected but he still remembers it all. I am happy today, not because I have something in my hand but something that I have in my heart. Though i can not say it to you directly, but you will always deserve a special respect in my eyes sir! When he got to know about it all through him, he said...

"Mamoo tu corporate ban gayaa...."

Aate hain musafir, jaate hain...

2006-06-21T21:37:00.000+05:30

First one to go was that one bag which I believe is the only important asset (I dont know what is the meaning of the word, probably it means an important property i guess... buhu!) as of now that i must handle very carefully, and those few small small books and that one old record notebook. I still feel good to read my own stuff that I had written when my PC had gone for a trouble way back when i began blogging... then came woh "chhota wala black me badaa wala green me", then followed those technical books, fir woh travel wala bag, fir woh chhote chhote polythene ke bags, fir woh teen purse, when he saw it he asked...

"these looks like ladies bags right?" Oh they dont look like, they indeed are ladies purse man... and I got them for my three girl friends, one is big cant say she doesnt ring me but now it is hard to reach her but whenever she talks she says "appu khaana time se khaa lena", one is small the "naughty-but not too naughty simple innocent girl" buhu!!, and one is medium, Shhh no comments here today she messaged me "Dhor abhi tak tere ko meri yaad nahi aayi" Three purse for three of them and so are the corresponding sizes the of purse, I bought them during my recent ooty trip, brought them also along with the luggage, but somewhere missed this one.... thought would take it later and later when I went other morning, the wall was empty... may be the cleaner there was more interested in it than me...

Three days shifting to a new place, though it was just few meters away but after a long time I felt, I did some work. Kya ho rahaa hai kuchh pataa nahi, idhar se udhar bas bhaaga daudi, naye ghar me safaai nahi hai, mere kamre me tubelight ki jagah nahi hai, baahar dor baandhne ke liye kheel nahi hai, do darwaaje me se ek baraabar baahar se band nahi hota, and few more lessons to keep in mind what precautions and preliminaries will I take when i would build my house (will I ever buhu!), first dont lose your passbook, if you lose it do report it because you may not know right after nine months you may miss your ATM too, and without ATM and without passbook you will not be recognized. If you are unlucky, then same time, some change in designation may happen and you may have to renew your ID card, now if you dont have ATM, you dont have passbook, you dont have ID card and you dont even remember the exact account number you hold with your bank...

first question, tell me who the hell are you? what is the base upon which you are erecting your buildings of non-sense?? Thank god i had one brick with me , did not give my ID card for renewal and better felt to pay a fine of Rs. 20 than to keep other things hanging.

"Your name.."

"So and so"

"I have three accounts of same name here, how can i tell you which one is yours"

I knew he was lying... I could bet he would hardly find two people in the whole tamilnadu state whose full name matches to mine. Par bolne ki baari ooski hai and he was talking in his own style.

"When was the last transaction you made..."

I recall "it was on tuesday..." haan wahin, anna nagar ke restaurant me udit naarayan ka gaana baj rahaa tha, "agar tum mil jaao..." that was where the last time I had taken money out to pay him. fir baarish hui and main poora gilaa hoke quarters me... ooske baad sab kuchh mila par ATM :(

"what was the balance?"

"i think it should be around... so and so"

Ok this is your account number note down. I noted it and took the chalan... but

"We will issue you a new pass book, only then you can make your transacitions" tab tak kya main bhookha rahunga, khane tak ke paise nahi hai yar. Ok, now to get a new passbook, you need to mention your "address" and "a photo". Addresss is changing.... aaha! one more good reason to doubt on your identity. Ok photo... I dont have it now, then its a sunday, shops would be closed.... got a new photo after two days and applied for passbook. Give it to any counter, and the counter madam raises her eye-brow for there are no entries right from beginning. How can be there any, when i have never done it, Come on you may be interested, but I don't believe in keeping old records, all that mean to me is "is the balance matches with the money I had previously, and if it is all fine after I make my ATM transaction-the only way I make my transaction after salary deposit". Well, they took their time to discuss among themselves without asking me anything and finally issued it with a doubt if my signature be verified again. "no need of signature, just give him" Kabhi kabhi sochtaa hoon, duniya upar hai ya main neeche hoke ultaa chal rahaa hoon...

The new room is of same make but opposite in symmetry, morning sunlight doesn't fall in my room for it is in west now, that way the room as I had expected is cool till afternoon, and remains warmer late after sunset. There are no chikoos or what they call sapotas, but surprsingly a "jaamun" tree behind. I dont think i can do much gardening behind, oh when was the last time I spend my time with water and plants, but entrance is good and that idiot, bhagwaan oosko sadbuddhi de, room change karne ke baad radio menace is over but first thing he did after coming here was to pull those crotons, and that creeper and smash, stamp them all with his legs.... me thinking should I go for a cycle aur "i can still manage things..."

Happy Birthday !

2006-06-15T20:18:00.000+05:30

You are a different part of my life, not too often I write about you, not too often i express to anyone of you, and whenever we communicate we are on to argue with one another, previously fights were real, arguments and quarrels and only one time, the first and probably last time, you had slapped me on my cheek, I remember we did not talk for three days. Tea-table was the playground of our quarrels, woh kursi mujhe yaad hai, nobody was permitted to sit there, it was reserved for you, you would want to sit there and only there, was it because it was near the tv and nobody could disturb your vision, mujhe nahi may be i will ask you tomorrow, and the T.V. remote... always... always... always you would be wanting to have it with you, but I would often like to disturb your diplomacy whenever I felt like doing, and though we had one single room, our shelves were separate-separate, alag-alag, first we had decided after every year we would switch between them, baad me mine was down and yours was on top, was it because that you could easily pick up your books from there, pathaa nahi shaayad. I remember how often you would want me clean my shelf just becuase your friends would be visiting on some weekend and it would look all ugly. "Appu kam se kam aaj to shelf saaf kar le" aur main younhi taal jaata tha. One place where i would not take any chances was the pc, i know I used it exclusively, more often for my projects, more often for the internet... hardly gave you few chances, and that BSNL dial-up, oonki bhi policy achhi thi, no-reduction in hours if you use internet after 11:00 clock at night, i remember how we used to blame one another for the account-hours used...

"Tune internet jyaada use kiya"

"Maine to kabhie din me lagayaa hi nahi"

"fir ghante kaise kam hogaye" whatever but we had to answer mummy, had to convince her somehow for the new package. and you knew how to handle it all before her. You always knew which words to use to convey whom and in which manner to patch up things, even today you are good at it. I am still not good in few tricks, though often you tell me how should I behave with odd people, be they in our relations or in society. "Appu tu thoda aisa rahaa kar.... appu tu thoda waisa rahaa kar."

...and today we find reasons to fight. Though you hide at times, but I know how are your days running and I am sure you can handle things. This one is for you didi...

Wish you a happy birthday. :)

Hall ki ight kisne chalu ki

2006-06-13T13:30:00.000+05:30

They finally shifted, shifted to a new house, when I returned from Vellore it was around 1:00'o clock, night or morning pataa nahi... "dont go to capmpus, come here" and they both were waiting in their lungis when i called them, one in half folded and other in full, i still wonder how they manage it, she would keep asking me "gadhe kam se kam ghar me toh pant chhor ke kuchh aur pahan liya kar" , off late in summers, i had started messing up with that big cloth, too big that I had to cut, scissor and ek-cheer do tukdaa... and both tukdas now short too short, then again ek-cheer do tukda, and ek-se-bahle do, do se bhale teeen and re-stitching to fit it well. Kabhie kabhie sochta hoon, lungi banaanewale kya tere mann me samai kaahe ko lungi banaai. After a dosa and banana with aquafina bottle for the night, we three returned to the room. It was a different make, kind of traditional touch, dark but not too dark & small-small steps, first and then second floor. The moment you open the door, you see the big hall, and if the door right in front is open you can see the next room, and if the door in that too is open you can straight away see who is brushing near the bathroom and if those windows are also open, you can vision what is the house just behind this one... one straight path passing through with rooms on left and right, we all enter in and he says, please put on the fan of this room, and he puts on the switch from hall for the fan in the other room, the case is same with tubelight too. :) Cool! !! Thodi der baat karke we decide to lye down, "yar agar woh khidkiyan band ho jaaye to it will be good" due to wind they were just hitting wtth the wall, lights off and i go to save windows from committing suicide... they are four in a row, raat ka time hai, summer season, we need to keep them open, then he suggests in tamil.. har khidki me neeche ek chitakni hoti hai which you can put to prevent it from closing or hitting... we both go and andhere me i try to feel if it is there, haan hai, chitakni hai, aur khidki me hole bhi... par lag nahi rahi hai, bahut koshish ki par nahi, chhorh jaane de came to second one, i search for chitakni and haan hai par khidki me chitakni lagaane ki suvidha nahi hai... lagtaa hai yeh bhi khuli padi rahegi, chal jaane de, I come to third, i search for chitakni, fuss ! chitakni nahi hai par chitakni lagaane ke liye khidki me suvidha hai.... chal jaane de, i come to the last one, ab isme ky hai? sab kuch theek thaak, hmm.. isko khhol ke chitakni lagaa dete hain, par kambakht khidki khuli hi nahi, shaayad isliye woh ek hi thi jo band padi thi...by this time he had gone, I also return back and sleep again with them. He is already slept and he was about to... thodi der baat karne ke baad, everyone was silent... I was lost with myself... kareeb bees minute baad, khidkiyan bhataa bhat, and chak chakaa chak chak, hall ki light chaaloo !!!!.... aaju baaju me dekha to donon aaram se so rahe the, uth ke hall me dekha to woh bhi dreamland me tha..... hum chaaron ke alava yahaan hai kaun? Oye! yeh kya ho rahaa hai, raamsay movie ki satyakathaa ya zee horror show ka live-telecast, i got back to room and woke him up....

"Oye.. oye"

"haan bol yar"

"Hall ki light tune chaalu ki?"

"Nahi, it seems he switched it on afternoon and it is switching on late...."

"late bole to raat ke ek baje.... tabhie to main sochun ki sab ke sab flat to fir hall ki ight kisne chalu ki"

...

2006-06-03T00:25:00.000+05:30

It is not so surprising today to get an invite from him, an invite for a community, though long back it was odd to add him on messenger. Over past few years where the pyhysical distance has grown, extened, and continued, he has been coming closer, coming closer trying to support, coming closer trying to back me up, somewhere he still worries, he still wants to hold me, he still worries if I raise out to enjoy my freedom and hit myself somewhere... past few years, his mails have been different and words serious&philosophical. Sometimes I feel if he is thinking too hard, no he can handle everything in best way that is sure, but sowmewhere he too should be having a night that is odd than the rest, more silent, much darker... somewhere like me he too may be lying on his bed gazing at the fan thinking about the future, about the past and about the present... will he be? Probably yes, probably no? Today is another time he leaves me thinking... I have to be strong, but am I growing weak, no, I am a closed-book within myself but every step I move is transparent to me, yes, everything that I do is right, and everything is right upto the toe... but still deep down there is a fearing kid in me, a kid who gets shivered whenever a glass falls from the table and breaks into pieces.

Daane-daane pe likhaa hai...

2006-06-01T21:20:00.000+05:30

"Abey oye you know today is tuesday"
"Oh sorry ek minute ruk.... ... ok.... theek hai maamu, not a problem it went out of my head I will be ready by 5:00"
"Theek hai dekhenge"
"hmm... bye bye" call was cut. I drop him sms, "Sorry maamu mere dimaag se chale gaya tha i wil be ready at 5. Tanks for reminding..."
I finish my lunch enter back into the campus and he too rings up...
"Maamu mujhe cd hona, ready kar thaale kya?" It was one month back he needed it and though the stuff was ready we both could never make out to meet one another, some pdfs and technical search work on the net...
"Haan ready hai yar, aapko kab hona bolo"
"Main ek 6'O Clock aaun kya?"
"Aapki marzi, main idhar campus me itch rahunga"
"Ok! Fir main aatun udhar"
"Theek hai tum 6'O CLock aa jao milenge"
"Achha akhilesh, khuda haafiz"
"Khuda haafiz"After doing some work here and there, i got his call again...
"Oye yar main abhi bus me hoon, do you want me to come now?"
"Main abhi lab me hi hoon.. mujhe thoda time lagega"
"Tell me if you want me to come now i will come, nahi to ghar jaake aata hoon"
"Haan theek hai, woh badhiya rahega... ooska phone aaya tha I will meet him at 6'O Clock, tab tak tu bhi ghar jaake aa jana, oosko cd deke donon chale chalenge"
But plan changed again...
"Tu ek kaam kar yar, you ask that fellow to come directly at nungambakkam"
"Ok"
"then you start from your place and when you reach near pondy bazaar, give me a call, i will come to pondy bazaar and from there both will go to nungambakkam together..."
"Theek hai"
I call him and say... "Main seedha room me aa rahaa hoon yar, cd wahin pe de doonga, aap bhi room pe aajana"
"OK! Theek hai main room me aa jaunga, aap aajao"
But they both will be in office, who will be in room, aur hum teenon bina chaabi ke ??... I ring one of them, tune the timings and say that we three will be coming there.
Mere three calls are enough to confuse me, dimaag garam and I say myself "Cool... sabko sms kar de you are starting at 6:30 to reach nungambakkam, no confusions, nowhere" done done done! Ho gayaa.. I leave the lab, get ready and rush to the circle with cds in my hand. Bus khadi hai, aadhe log andar hain aadhe neeche hi wait kar rahe hain, baahar jaana hai jaldi..... I dont think it will start now, kya karen.... lift? Hmm.... tried two three bikewalas but all in vain :(( fir thodi der me ek sajjan ne apne haath ko thodi ijjat de hi di.
"Can you drop me till main gate sir?"
"OK"
Thodi der woh bike chalaata raha aur main peeche baitha shaam ki hawaa khataa rahaa.... and suddenly he interrupted...
"a.. I am going to mount road"
"Oh!.... sir can you drop me till saidapet then?"
"I am not going saidapet? where you want to go"
"a... actually I have to go to pondy bazaar, if you are passing from saidapet then you can drop me there"
"Pondy bazaar.. ok i will drop you there, not exactly but very near to it"
"Ok! Sir, I shall be thankful to you"
chalte chalte maine puchha
"Sir are you working here?"
"I am working in that xxx hostel... what about you sir, are you studying?"
"No, i am also working here.. its always good to be associated with such a big institute." that made him smiled...
"Yes sir you are telling right"I never thought i would get a lift from the circle to straight out till there... lagataa hai aaj allah meherbaan hai... mujhe bolte der nahi hui thi ki bas thodi hi door woh cancer hospital cross kiya aur oosne gaadi side me park kar di... ab ise kya hua, lagtaa hai pondy bazaar ke sapne dikha ke yahin shaam ke traffic me taang dega apun ko... as he stopped i got down to check if all is fine, woh kuchh bola hi nahi, rumaal nikaala aur sir pe baandhne lagaa, hmm... garmi to hai par, kuchh bol yar, i kept smiling at his face standing near him...
"Ok sir you can sir, my helmet..." oh ..
"Ok ok no problem sir, i am in no urgency you take your time" and soon i was back on the seat, riding slowly he kept informing me...
"Sir, this is shortcut from here.. sir this is yeh puram this is woh puram...." and though i was aware of some places i kept convincing him..
"Oh yes... o i see... hmm" soon he turned left, fir thodi door traffic me jaa ke he turned on right, and stopped waiting for the traffic from opposite side to clear so that he can cross,
"sir you get down... this is pondy bazaar"... I got down, thanking him.. he vanished in the traffic, aaju baaju me dekhaa... kahaan hoon yar main? oh! globus, samjh gayaa... ek dam sahi jagah pahunchaya yar. I took my mobile out and...
"Oye main aa gaya hoon..."
"Kahaan hain? Where are you"
"Woh kya hua tere ko maalum hai, one man gave me lift and i had to come to the main gate but he directly dropped me here, i never th..."
"Oh tu hain kahaan, where are you" he interrupted me before I could tell him all my story.
"Umm.. i am near globus, just opposite to it"
"Ok i am coming there" Call cut. I kept roaming, waiting...Beech me ooske do sms
"where are you ?"
aur ek call ooska bhi....
"Kahaan pe ho akhilesh"
"bas pondy bazaar me hoon aa rahaa hoon"
Soon he arrived, hi-hi donon globus me gaye, he had some gift-coupon dealings with those people, meanwhile I ring him...
"Where are you still in office? Come on da atleast today you try to come, ok we all will be waiting for you for dinner, take your time, even if you come late, do come, and feel comfortable" I know i haveto pressurise him but not to the extent that the he becomes uncomfortable. Meanwhile he finishes his formalities, and both of us in share auto to nungambakkam... baat karte karte I got down one stopping before itself, and he called me back in auto, jaise taise we reached nungambakkam, he was lying in the room and little later he too arrived. I gave the cd to him, "Kab aaya maamu?"
"Bas jaane ka hai, I came here to take my tickets hoonch tumhaare paas cd leko abhi jaane ka hai" He is leaving to dubai on weekend, had come to purchase tickets and will be going same night. Totally five of us, four in room (one will leave off soon) and one in office. We again ring to him,
"Even if you are coming late no problem we can wait"
"No akhil, i have release today and there are so many bugs"
"Ok ! Shall we postpone it to tomorrow then, tomorrow is last day for the voucher but..."
"When i cant come today then how can i say tomorrow, you all go...." we try hard but fail....
"Kya karenge?" he asked me.
"Main kuchh nahi bol saktaa yar, ek taraf tu hai, ek taraf woh hai, i cant force him too, chaar coupon hai, chaaron share lenge."
"Theek hai hum chaaron jaake aayenge."And this guy cancels his plan of going, and joins us substitute for a dinner... a dinner in Hotel Kwality Inn through a gift voucher that he had to share with us. Bike me furrr... all inside hotel, buffet system, non-veg, veg, soup, and variety of sweets... i was wondering the way it all happened... someone whom we were trying to call from past four days could not make it on the day, and someone, all of a sudden comes right in a gap and grabs the chance luckily. Nice food, comments on how the other peson is using his spoons, snaps, about the people... funny evening.

We finally finish off and get back, oon donon ne bike pe hum donon ko oosi jagah chhorh diya jahaan se humne share-auto pakadaa thaa.... theek hai, milenge, bye..

"meri walking ho jaayegi, where will you walk"

"I will walk in the campus"

"Bye" caught a local bus from pondy bazaar to campus. It was around 10:30 p.m. by the time i was main gate. No bus after 10:00 at night, ab andar tak walking... chalo yar, maine oos security ko cross bhi nahi kiya, aur one bike came near me, slowed and crossed ahead, i was looking down, is he trying to give lift, i raise my head and he still was wathing me, from a distace... lagtaa hai raat ke andhere me kisi bhale aadmi ko apne pe dayaa aagayi, as I ran to get closer to him... he stopped, woh khadi gaadi pe baitha dekhe jaa rahaa thaa, as I get closer to him,

"Sir, can you drop me till circle"

Oosne helmet ooncha kiya aur... "The same you! !!!!" oye yeh to wahi jisne thodi der pahle pondy baz.... "sir I am still wondering it is you who is taking me back"

"Ha ha yes sir, i am also... "

Thodi der baad... "Sir, you had your dinner?"

ab aapko main kaise bataaun ki main kahaan, kya aur kaise khaake aa rahaa hoon, story different hai...

"Yes sir I had it, how about you?"

"I too finish eating sir.. where are you goign sir?"

"It is behind that..."

"Ok sir, i will leave you there and because i willl also go from there"

"ok"

fir woh fat-fati chalaata rahaa aur main thandi hawaa ke saath aasman taakta rahaa, soon I got down right in front of my room... "Thank you sir ! It was plesant evening"

Pudupettai

2006-05-29T15:05:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I get confused if it is films that reflect the real life or is real-ilfe that is being affected by the films, shaayad both are fueling too nicely for each other's pollution. Yes, another weekend, another movie in theater and another sunday to while-away time on shops. Watched this one on saturday,

"Pudupettai" and it left with a psycho touch... he says it was all rubbish, he says it was good, he says "nalla vae illai". Ummm.. i feel, there was something to watch, director did have something to show. "Aaru", "Indian", "Sandakkoli" and this one, it seems tamil cinema is moving towards a worst stage, lot of violence being shown, so openly and so nastily, lot of dialogues that convey something else and mean to have soemthing else, often gangs on the streets, blood drops, red-painted face, men fighting with sword, should i call it sword, it is strange weapon seen only in the south here, the one which one can find in hands of Kaali-Maa portrait, probably just meant to cut the head or hands off...

It was all about sticking to the caption, "The Survival of the fittest" dhanush indeed was fitting to the lean-physique, fearing character. Someone who starts to live life running away from home out of physical tortures and havoc, begs on platforms, is by mistake caught by police while some hooligans are being taken to jail, and when they are all left he too gets carried away with the gang, slowly gets into politics. Somewhere he is shown as a pyscho, somewhere he is portrayed as villain, as a hero, as someone who is striving hard to live, someone who fears, but at same time as someone who fights back all alone. At a time I felt lot of research work is done on politics before coming up with this film, what runs behind, all from poster-sticking to acid-dropping was shown, but there was lot of crap, a scene where dhanush goes to kill a politician, locks up his bedroom, and waits for him on the chair, the politician knows he is going to die but he has his drink, then food and finally shakes his head that "yes, it is now you can kill me" dhanush get up from chair to kill him, how stupid ! !!! Well, my favorite scene was when dhanush was trying to escape himself away from enemies, on a dark night he is traveling, and suddenly jumps out of running bus, he is in fileds, dark night and suddenly fears of that statue, i don't know if they should call it statue or puppet, something that is erect between the filelds, jiske haath-paon ghas se banaa kar, sir ulte matke se paint kar khet me khadaa kar dete hain, just to avoid birds spoiling the crop, guess a man who kills people alive is feared of such a putlaa on a dark night, he knows it is a dead thing but even then picks up a stick and unnecessarily hits on the head... human psychology when he is all surrouned of fear is shown so well. I cant say it was all good-bad movie but there was something to watch, director did have something to show, may be somewhere he got completely disturbed, at places it looked too good and at places it was nothing more than a crap.

Satish and his cycle chain

2006-05-22T23:16:00.000+05:30

Holding the polythene bag close to my chest I walk down near the circle, the sun setting down, birds and crows chirping around returning to their nests, scooters and bicycles moving towards the residential zone, and the kids in white and white returning back from the ground holding their bags on back and a lunch bag ki daliya haath me... As I reach near the library region i see both of them messing up with it, two boys sitting near a cycle, a bag is on the carrier and another lying on the road. Though they did not ask me anything but I intentionally went them to put my head into it. I dont know why but i like to fix-up cycle chians. This was the fourth case, first one was that boy when he was going towards department, second one was just before that shop and third was my own borrowed cycle.

I stood near them to watch what were they doing, one was near front wheel and other was beside him near the back wheel, donon ke haath pure kaale ho chuke the... and what is this? Chain tooti hui hai, the clip that connects the linear chain to make it round was broken or missing and these two intellligent kids were somehow pulling the chain, trying to meet the two ends after putting it on the wheel.

"Dai intha pakaam da..."

"Nee pudi..."

"Nee inthaa pakkam pudi daa"

Smiling at them i said, "Ithu podu mudiyathu pa..."(This can not be fixed) but they did not care to listen me... I was wondering what to do,

"Hey! Guys you can not do that, only a shopkeeper can fix it with his tools" I said them in tamil.

"No uncle we will do it.. dai ithu pudi"

Uncle! !!!! Hmm... cool!

"Listen to me... see this is broken" I kept the bag at carrier and sat in between them, holding the chain, "...it needs to be sticked together, only then it would be round."

"Uncle you fix it for us"

I had to smile and was wondering the way they were speaking so fast and so innocent...

I stood up "I can not fix it the shopkeeper has tools, some rods, some screwdriver he will do it with that"

They both looked at one another... "dai, you take this cycle. we will go home." It was getting darker, the nearest gate is half-kilometer from here, cycle kaise le ke jaayenge bechaare, aur kahaan le ke jaayenge?

"See, there is shop nearby, do one thing take this cycle to that shop and get it repaired" I took my bag from the cycle and directed them to go that side. But they stood gazing at me...

"Uncle kaasu illai..."

"ok, I will come along with you, we will go"

He looked at him... the other boy refused. Took his bag from ground and said...

"I am going to house"

"Dai vaada uncle will come with us"

"You get it fixed i am going to house"

This boy was afraid to come along with a stranger, probably both were but one escaped, he kept trying... "Vaada... vaada" but failed. The boy came along with me, he dragging the cycle and me holding the bag close to my chest. I was looking ahead, but was thinking of him the way he was looking up into my eyes... often he would lose balance to hold the cycle and again start staring at me.... "come here", i guided him and we took left. Stopped near the shop, one cycle was already lying and this one too was soon made to stand near it. I talked to the shopkeeper and asked to fiix the chain that was hanging like a dead-snake on the handle. The boy stood near the cycle, I went near that flat stone and sat there. The boy still stood, watching the shopwala who was tracing bubbles of a tube in a wide water-bowl...

"Chhu chhuch..... Chhu chhuch"

The boy looked at me, haath ke ishaare se i called him and tapped the stone with my right hand, he ran, came and sat near me....

"Umm peyar enna?"

"Satish!"

"And what is the name of the other boy who was with you?"

"Ramesh"

"Enna standard"

"6th"

After intervals of few seconds i kept asking him something, about where his house and some more too formal questions. He kept answering looking deeper into my eyes, but every time he would look at the shopkeepr, I think he was still wondering at what was happening but somewhere he was also like whatever was happening happening for good...

"Who else is there in your house?" he did not answer suddenly ran to the cycle, as soon as he saw the shopkeeper working on it... little later he came and said..

"Uncle five rupees"

I gave a coin to him, and he rushed to to the shopkeeper.

Me holding the polythene bag, and he dragging the cycle, we walked back.

"Say him thanks"

He turned towards the shopkeeper and said... "Thank you uncle!" the shopkeeper who was staring at us, smiled, raised his two hands trying to bless... "Poyittu vaapa" Turned right and and silent walk... after a distance i said, "ok! Go on...." he was soon on the seat... and in air..... I kept walking looking at him, until he disappeared in the darkness...

...

2006-05-18T23:23:00.000+05:30

"+9172xxx..."

Yeh kaun ho saktaa hai? Is it him or... I pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Hello bhaiyaa... kya haal hain?" and it took me no time to recognize her, heard from her after more than two and half months, the last time she was trying to speak and the line got cut off, and i kept trying... i just knew that she is unwell and would be undergoing treatment for piles and it is she who would have to take her to the city side. The phone-lines in those villages are more often out, and even if the line works, there is sure a possibility for some problem in the instrument... I recall long back she said me... "Yahaan pe do phone hai, ek me ghanti sunaayi deti hai par baat nahi hoti aur dusre me baat ho jaati hai par ghanti sunaayi nahi deti, donon ko badal badal ke lagaana padtaa hai..." It was no wonder to hear "iss number par incoming call ki seva abhi upalabdh nahi hai" whenever i tried her on the cell. Many times, too many times I find my hands and legs locked up and i have no choices left than to sit quite, wait and watch things happening... and some times there are so many choices that I simply dont know which one to opt for...

"Yeh lo mummy se baat karo.."

and after ten minutes.

"sab theek hai appu, tabiyat ka dhyaan rakhnaa, ek do din me ruchi ko leke main yahaan se waapas chale jaaungi."

That gives me some more relief, few more things are getting stable, few more things will be back on their way... I still convince myself with time, be the problem small or big, if I can not find a solution to it, it will be solved by time. Was listening to this abhijit's song, it is another good melody, I am feeling relaxed and yes feeling hungry too... chalo akhil bhai raat bahut ho gayi hai...

Resham, jaisi hain raahen,

khole hain baahen,

yeh vaadiyaan...

Musam, saare hain apne,

Rangeen sapne... hain meherbaan..

Younhi gaayenge milke,

Hum geet dil kesadiyon yahaan...

Ghar

2006-05-15T23:00:00.000+05:30

Still i visit this place either out of choice or out of necessity, he has his own calculations as to why not to vacate this house. On every visit, i find some changes somewere, the four-way high-way is almost completed, those small-small shops that biriyani aur shaayad chaat ki dukaaan are off, some new complex are creeping up, the bakery on the corner that comes soon in attraction, will probably become landmark of this area i guess, as the trees have vanished the big kalyan-mandapam is also now clearly visible. As i was passing by the streets I find the whole of it i is digged down, not surprsisingly as always its the time of state-level elections. And by the time i reach house, those plants and those budding coconut trees are missing, and the house now looks completely naked from the corner of the street itself. The plants near the compound where she used to pour water while cleaning the house are all dried, the compund-less plot in the backyard is completely mixed with the neighbouring empty house, together both forming mini-jungle of bushes, and those dry leaves near that small well... and that holy tulsi plant! god, it will probably cease to exist soon. I return to the front door without watering it. It gives a different feeling, a different feeilng everytime when I open the main-gate and find the empty garage, walk towards the door and that a heavy 7-lever Godrej metal piece hanging there, as I open it a plain carpet of dust cluttered.... I remember last time when I came here with both of them from airport, and probably that is the reason the inner rooms are not as dusty as tI had expected... I find peace here... "peace", i know what i mean when i say that, its in no relation with jobline, nothing to do with family line, its not happiness or sadness... neither it is locking myself all alone in the dark room, i know what i mean, and what i feel when i use that word. After three hours travel in the sunlight, and long shower i lay on a carpet of the floor and say myself... "I am secure now", and soon be lost in a different world, a world where its just images, sometimes baseless, sometimes meaningless and sometimes so close to reality ki aadhi-jaagi aadhi-soyi neend me aisa lage jaise koi apnaa abhi-abhi sir ke paas se hota hua dusre kamre me gaya ho... home is a home, nothing can replace it and yes, nothing can replace it.

Its movie time now...

2006-05-10T21:36:00.000+05:30

I hardly watch movies, theatres are no of interest to me, there are movies you can have fun, there are movies you can laugh enjoy, and there are movies that hold some respect. Gone are the days when I would bring a cd of SRK movie and watch it for two days, and then store it in that pc... mugging up those chosen dialogues... i still remember the favorite...

"Excuse me, excuse me please, before i raise this tose to papa, main aap sab logon se kuchh kahnaa chaahta hoon... mera bachpan se ek sapna hai, ki main apne papa jaisa ban sakoon, jaisa bhi woh chalte hain, uthte hain, baithte hain, hanste hain jaisa bhi wo karte hain.. mmmmain bhi waisa hi kar sakoon... jaisaa ki woh khade hain iss waqt like.. like this.. can't do it, i know i cant do it, aur shaayad kabhie kar bhi na paaun kyunki mere papa jaisa iss duniya me koi aur nahi.. main jaanta hoon, ki kahin koi upar mujhse bahut khush hai, jisne mujhe yeh haq diya ki main apne aap ko yashwardhan rai ka beta kah sakun, garv se kah sakun.. thank you..."

and that famous one from devdas..
"Gaon walon ne kaha gaon chhod do, bauji ne kaha paro chhod do, paro ne kaha sharaab chhod do, maa ne kahaa ghar chhod do, ek din woh kahega... duniya chhod do"

and how can i forget that one from Main hoon na...

"Zindagi nikalti jaati hai, aur hum sab pyar ke bina jeena sikh lete hain... kyun pyar ko mauka nahi dete kyun apno par vishwas nahi karte, apne dad se baat karo sanjana........ Toh ab tum unse badalaa logi, Sanjana log badalte hain, pyaar unhe badal deta hai, tumhe darr hai ki woh tumse nafrat karte hain, shaayad unhe bhi yahi darr ho, kyun hum apno se itnaa darte hain?? Ek baar baat kar lo apne dad se sanjana, yeh zindagi nafrat ke liye bahut chhoti hai..."

One month and around 5-6 movies in stock. No, srk and ajay devgan are nowhere in them, all tamil and english. Did I want to watch them, I still wish if i could watch apaharan.. :P anyways to begin with this one,

Its fun and complete fun from begin to end, especially for the kids and for the adults to become kids again. I wonder i watched a 100 rupee cartoon movie in theater for the first time, but ok it deserved it. When he said "I am going to book a movie", i asked about the timings and simply said ok.. at times I know something have to finish within so and so, and sometiemes i simply have to watch a movie, any movie which is understandable, character and play doesnt matter... and sometimes, i dont even mind i have to understand the movie, just move on man...
Unlike "Chicken Little", the characters in this one are diverse, there is mammal, there is tiger and there is tortoise... and more of them in the team. Theme is same as the title suggests, melting of ice in jungle due to global warming, and everyone has to save its life. Pick of the movie is that nut-catching creature.

"Aadhi"

Heard of its reviews from friends, read those unnecessary forwards, (I rarely read them completely)... and it came to watching it here. Bakwaas, i would call it all bakwaas, its sole purpose was to lift up vijay's fame but it sure did the reverse of it.

When he said its an award winning movie, it meant me two things, either thumb's up or thumb's down.. nothing horizontal. Watched it under the open sky, it leaves something behind... it takes a lot to understand it, the way a geisha is portrayed, her feelings, her silence, and her sacrifice... something that left me touching are the lines "The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves until one day there are none. No hopes, none remain. It is not for a geisha to want, to feel." The background commentary and music is the one that keeps the flow. One of the very rare english movies i would remember.

A movie of mystery and imaginations. There are two imaginations that i have mostly found in movie trailers, specially english ones, one that has traditional touch.... one of king, queen, jungle, or animals and some battle, and other kind is beyond normal, somewhere in universe, some battle between the aliens and some mix-up concepts of nano-technology, bio-technology and all that a future generation can be thought off. "Chrnoicles of Narnia" comes of first category. Kids enter into a door and reach a new world... and I thought at the climax they would return back to the other side but they actuall dont... There is lot of creativity done to this one, and again not to forget the smoothness where animals are shown to talk english and communicate with human, the way they walk and the way their jaws move... truly a work of high precision.

Suhaana safar aur...

2006-05-02T23:09:00.000+05:30

Finally we made it. Great days, great fun and huhu!! Now I shall have some more things to keep pushing this one. Last month my flickr account got full and i was not allowed to upload anything more, (I keep clicking here and there whenver i get a chance to) but this time I am pre-planned, changed my cam settings from 4M to 3.2 M, who needs a resolution of 2048* 1536?? I think I dont, atleast upto the time when flickr doesnt increase the monthly limits of upload.

I remember how we were looking at routes, maps, travel plans, booking rooms, where from the van will start, who will be picked up from where and fooh.... it all had started when we met on that evening. He always initiates these things, and why just these... a fun-loving and fun-wanting guy I would say, much of his thoughts match to mine and we do have few things where we try to correct one another. I have known more of these guys after the college days... three day trip OOty & Black Thnunder in a batch of nine guys. This was the second time, ofcourse the first one was in college-days.

The hill-station is good tourist spot. It looks much crowded than before... was it because of summer that many had come, shaayad. However its natural charm remains and it will always, that evening near the boat-house when the sun was setting down, and the big tree of blue flowers, falling one by one, forming a blue round sheet over that green carpet of grasses... and those kids rollling down on the grass, one can simply push oneself away from all the materialistic things there. Early morning I wake up and look at the window, the fog resting on the windows, I open the door and look out at small-small huts, there on those hills, it all looks like arranged plates one upon another, kavelu ke makaan ki chhaton se nikaltaa hua dhuaan, and mixing up with fog... but there is no sun, its behind the hill, can I go down the hill and check from that city area... shall I wake up these guys or, i take my digi, inform just him and rush out of cottage... clicking something here and there I run down, try to focus that red color monument kind of thing, then that road which would just take me to the middle of the city, yes just near that chauraaha, I run down and before I could reach the round circle a small street in left drags my attention. I escape into it, chalo shaayad kuchh mile... and fwe snaps there. Hey! what is that, this tree is good, and those two dogs sleeping below that... with shivering hands I try to focus the tree and the two dogs.. zoom in.. zoom out.. thoda side me, thoda upar, thoda neeche... ok...ok... and CLICK.. hogayaa! How about going down and clicking, hmm... neeche aur bhi kuchh click kar sakte hain, Hmm... I walk down. And find a "Beware of dogs" board, but dont find a dog around other than those just two but they were sleeping... chal yaar aage chalte hain, thodi aur aage, yeh ped se wahaan wo neeche ka background achha rahega.. haan... I try to focus and keep walking, tabhi achaanak... "bhau Bhau" a group of dogs, fooooh! huuu... yeh sab kahaan the?? If its one, I can sure befriend it like the one that was near our cottage, lekin saat-aath... beta bhaag yahaan apni daal nahi galegi, camera pakdaa aur chooo, main aage aage huf huff... and doggies peeche peeche bhau bhau... lux kya scene hai, will they me take down to the city, pataa nahi kahaan tak bhagaayenge yar, peeche mat dekh bhaagte rah... I almost came down the street, where I could see one or two people around, oye slow yaar, yeh log hain bachaa lenge. I slow down and look behind... no dogs! !! Dhat tere ki sab ke sab darpok nikale, chaar kadam me hi waapas... I take my cam out, and like a daring-photographer look around to find out something more interesting... haan woh phool achha hai.

Tarkash and Kab aate ho

2006-04-23T00:45:00.000+05:30

On a very rare occasion you find some compilation that suits to your taste, and that all the tracks or songs or gazhals or nodes are ok. To name a few, Anand, Daag, Aapki kasam, Mera Saaya, Guide, ashiqui, Chlate Chalte, Qayamat se Qayamat tak, Veer Zara, and some more are of those few ones where i can not say "if this song had not been in this...". And the same thing is with compilations, you buy a Lucky Ali's album, come back home and later find one song completely disturbs the whole of it, often you need to get up from your place, leave your work, change the track or forward it, and get back. Well, I am not taking into consideration of winamp, realplayer and rest of those software that digital-world has offered, where you can chose between the track from your comp and dump them into instant playlists. There are times when I am lying on bed, at times when i am on travel, at times when i dont want to tap keyboard and stare monitor... there are times when digital world gets avoided either out of choice or out of situation, any tape-recorder or walk-man, with a cassette does its best. It is then you think of pushing the casettes, you search down the box for those chosen ones, that has all songs selectively collected, that doesnt bore you, and this is not the case with just lucky ali for that matter. I remember a cassette I had purchased one with javed akhtar's collection, it was a mix up, the first song was in Amitabh's voice "Neela aasman so gayaa" (lovely when lonely :P) I dont know if anybody else who would like to hear it anytime, the cassette also another number i guess "aawara bhanwre kyun hole hole gaaye", was simply wondering if that is what i needed, it is secondary that it had some rare number which i could not find anywhere. It may be madness but if i am on search of one song like the one "aapke pahloo me.." for a long long time and i get it, i would simply dont see what else is there on the list I would just go for it. Music much more depends on the mood, sometimes music sets my mood and sometimes I set music to suit my mood. Ghulam ali is something i can always listen any time, anywhere.... be it "Kuch din to baso meri aankhon me... " (I am still in confusion if its originally sung by him but he has sung it so well) or "bahaaron ko chaman yaad aagayaa hai" or "Yaadon ki baarat chali hai", he does it all fine. Among the beats (I rarely need them) one I can remember is Baadshah, one number from it "Main to hoon paagal" is awesome and the... "...koi deewaanagi" gives it a melodious touch. There are lot more songs that fall into Shahrukh's side, those 90's "aana mere pyaar ko na tum", and many many many more, should I call it Shahrukh or kumar sanu. :)) But no today doubt abhijits is to shahrukh's voice, what Mukesh was to Raj kapoor. Oh! I am in no mood to talk to Raj Kapoor and Mukesh now, not in this post atleast...

Few days back i again peeped in there.. yes the same Odyssey, and on this month's list was Javed Akhtar's Tarkash and Gulzar's "Kab aate ho".

Tarkash, I am completely satisfied with it. It is nowhere between all that I talked above, there is no music, no songs, its just plane words in akhtar's voice. I dont know if I should call it poetry or sher, for he narrates...

Jaanta hoon main, tumko jeek-e-shayari bhi hai,
Shaksiyat sajaane me yeh maahiri bhi hai...
Fir bhi harf chunte ho, sirf lafz sunte ho,
Inke darmiyan kya hai tum na jaan paaoge...

On listening to tarkash, i went down to read more of Javed, it was a lengthy self-portrait, lenghty becaues i could not completely read it in one stretch, I could go half-way... probably upto the time from his chlidhood to his entry into the flim industry... and then came to understand what some of his poems actually meant...

Packed in two cds, tarkash has very very different colors. Each of its 2-5 minute track, holds something specific, there is pain, there is sorrow, there is nostalgy, there is happiness, there is loneliness, there is hesitation, there is trouble, there is revolting voice, there is feeling for the past, there is hill-station, there is a house, there is a room, there is chhota bachpan, there is aangan, there is people's description, there is nature's description, there is a self-conversation, there is self-pity, there is conversation to souls like mother teresa....
Not very often an effort is put to preserve someone's work.

"Kab aate ho" is another one release from Gulzar. To read or listen gulzar you need not identify him, as you follow thorough you can simply find words saying "I am from Gulzar's pen". And guzlar's individuality remains with "kab aate ho" too. But yes, its again with repeations of some previous poetries, "Raat chaand aur main", "Kisi mausam ka jhonka" and gazals like "haath chhoote bhi to" and "Shaam se aankhon me". Title track is short but just good.

Imli ka yeh ped hawa main jab hilta hai toh,
Imli ka yeh ped hawa main jab hilta hai toh,
eenth ki deewar par parchhai ka cheenta padhta hai
aur jasb ho jaata hai jaise.. sookhe matti par koi paani ke katra bikhair gaya ho..
dheere dheere aagan main fir dhoop sisakti rehti hai..
kab aate ho.. kab jaate ho..

More of it is here.

Yes I am happy today.

2006-04-20T22:37:00.000+05:30

"Seene me jalan, aankhon me tufaan sa kyun hai,

Iss shehar me har shaqs pareshaan sa kyun hai....

Dil hai dhadakne ka bahaan koi dhoonde,

Pattar ki tarah behisou bejaan sa kyun hai..."

One of the very very very rare and best of the gazals, that is so rightly written, so rightly played, and so rightly picturised... everytime i hear it i remember Farooq Sheikh'svideo- clip which I think i have never got a chance to see completely, the camera inside the taxi showing the outer world through that front-glass, those people on the street, the dialogues and the hand, the way taxi is being guided to take left and right and the song still plays in background in itself, slow, smooth and steady at its own pace.... Today is third day that I was listening to it when this one landed my inbox,

"Akhil , for this small success of mine lots of credit goes to u. In the throat cutting world u have helped a lot a person whom u don't know .I have no words to express my gratification for all that u have done 4 me. In deed your words have helped me a lot. But i want some thing more ,that is your friendship. Can i have ur contact number. I would like to talk to u. I don't want to miss a opportunity of making a great friend like u."

Amazed! yes amazed I was at first and later was happy, i dont know if I really deserved all that is written above, i have never seen him, never talked to him and it was just just all by chance that he was following me on mails since mid-march... his technical questions and I did whatever was possible from my side. Yes, it makes me smile to read all those big big words, its a different feeling, i thought may be I will keep it all within myself, but then its just not me, there are people who deserve their share, and I better felt I would put it here. I dont know what I am and what I am not, I have always measured myself from other's perspective. I still can not figure out if really deserver it all, but somewhere today and always I will be thankful to all thsoe people who made changed my vision.

Thanks for being there all of you, yes I am happy today.

Chhota wala black me, badaa walaa green me

2006-04-17T12:51:00.000+05:30

"Are you going out?"
"Yes"
"Wait...." he took Rs. 50 from his purse and said..
"Pleae bring something for me to eat"
"Ok! " and i left the place.
"Oye! Pandit, rassi se baandh lo yar" he calls me pandit, pataa nahi kahaan se he brought that antenaa wire and helped me tie up that big box with the cycle that i had borrowed from him.
":aaj hi karaa lena pandit, woh do din ka time maangega, bole dena abhie kar do"
"Theek hai yar" and i started on cycle. Everyone was looking oddly, sab log pataa nahi kya sochenge yar, yeh cycle pe dabba le ke kahaan jaa rahaa hai, oye sochne tu chup chaap seedha seedha cycle ke pedla maar. Pataa nahi kis dhun me i reached the gate, and found it closed! !! there was security nearby but muh khulaa hua aasman ki tarf and eyes closed.... uthaaun?? Bhari dopahari me bechaara so raha hai, jaane de yar, lekin tu isswale gate pe kyun aaya, and i had to return back. Soon out at electric repari ki dukaan....
Chhtoti si dukaan, cd players and old cassetes were racked in, typical electric-electronics shop it was... he was busy on phone...
"Do you repair tape-recorders??" i asked him in tamil,
"yes" and that was enough to release the box and put dumpit in his shop, he was still following on phone... little later he paid attention to me,
"is this speaker working?"
"Yes"
"is this eliminator working"
"yes"
"is this tape-recorder working"
"Sir it is all working fine there should be just some wiring faults..."
He started to check this with those needle like thing and checking if the multimeter caliberates.... something i used to do when the joystick of my t.v. videogame did not work and that Mario always missed the mushroom power. I know i can not do it but i always had this blind hope ki, somehow i will make that jump butoon work but until the time we left I could not get it repaired coz after that it was as-is packed to MP. :(
"Sir we need to change this" and i came returned from those Mario and Cotra game memories world to his shop.
"Ok" little later he again said.
"Sir, this need to be changed"
Oye yeh kar kya rahaa hai, hmm... lagtaa hai tere ko ullu banaa rahaa hai...
"Sir, you check it completely and tell me whats wrong, and what is to be changed" he did not or i shall say could not find any more faults.
"Rs 5o for this eliminator to be ready"
"Ok" and he then switched over to other too things but they were ok. He started working on the eliminator and baj gayi ghanti...
"Dai akhil, will there be food now"
bhool gyaa?? rang him then and there apologised that it all went out of my head, i should get something soon. Tape-recorder ooske gale me taang ke i rushed to the hotel nearby, ordered lunch parcel karvaa and said him i wil come back, and rushed back to repair-shop.
Rs. 50! !! i dont know if its ok or he limestoned me... :D lekin cheez kaam kar rahi hai that is enough.
"Sir this is neutral, this is body, here you have to connect this speaker and here..."
Neutral, positive, negative, body earth... yeh baat apne palle nahi padti yar. "How do i connect my loudspeaker in my room" bas itnaa bataa de.
"Ok bring it here... See... red-wire in red, black-wire in black, for loud speaker chinna(small) wire in black, periya (big) wire in green"
"OK"
Disconeected it all and repacked, sab boriya bistar baandh ke, i rush back to hotel, lunch pack karke, juice ki dukaan, had a juice surprisingly, juice waale ki paas Aquafina ki bottle nahi mili! !! Ok, dusri dukaan pakadi, and gate se waapas entry... ek haath me 2liter aquafina, cycle ke ek handle pe uskaa dangling lunch packet, peeche woh loud-speaker ka dabbaa, holding the cycle i keep repeating myself.... "red-wala wire red me, black wala wire black me, chhota wala black me, badaa walaa green me, chhota wala black me, badaa wala green me" Somehow reached to room, handed over his lunch to him and carefully took the jhola inside, assembled it all.. even before i could connect, he shouted....
"What is this? Non-veg???"
"Why da?? I dont know."
"This seems to be non-veg"
"You dont take it?? you eat egg but"
"I eat egg but not anything other than that...."
"Am sorry, i did not know it"
"Its ok hope the rest is sambar and rasm and they should not be NV"
"Hope so" and he opeped those packets,
"I think i can manage with this..." That was a great relief, "i am going to my room" came back and connected the same way as he had said,
"red-wala wire red me, black wala wire black me, chhota wala black me, badaa walaa green me"
and....

"Bahaaron ko chaman yaad aa gayaa hai...."

CD is in the book

2006-04-12T20:16:00.000+05:30

I wake up open the door, as I reach near the window I find it missing. The broken branch of the tree that was lying just in front of the gate from past two weeks wasn't there, they probably removed it, but I see its dried leaves still remain scattered at the entrance, i come out and sit on the small bench, look the remaining portion of the tree, it starts from the ground goes up almost touching the veranadah and mixing up with that cheeku branches there, then raising up into the sky, with a big void there, void of that fallen branch... still shaking and flowing with the wind. After some times, i return back, checked the cell phone and found it off, the battery probably could not resist the one "kambi" or should i call a "dandi" in hindi.... :P , went back those were as usual roaming around the near by quarters but in heavy number, was it because of those under-the-sky-cooking, may be... about 25-30 of the deers, should I catch a snap, i think i can simply sit here and enjoy the show, i sit on the chair there. Empty whole of the quarters is empty today, its holiday only for me, buhu!!! meanwhile the two crows came flying and sat on the small trough in which we collect water, hmm.... pyase honge yar.... but they started flying over it, dipping their beak and kya kahun, bas paani me masti, that was a indication garmi shuru ho gayi hai akhil. Fooh! Chal chalte hain yar... i got ready, and went to the place where I came last night with him to drop him... a toota-foota old-railway station. Much like a gali kind of thing, guess the track actually flies over the road, and it was (should have been) necessary to build a station there, where did they build... on the first floor ! !!! First, i dont know if there exists any other but first of its kind in my life. As you enter, you see dusty benches, dust all over but no dirt (may be because nobody waits there, people come just come and go), a lady sits in the coutner, you get the ticket and opt for a purana-khatara lift, or the stairs to go up the platform. I wonder how did I miss to see this station being so close, just at a walkable distance, when we visited, the first thing I said him.... "yahaan pe koi nahi aata hoga... "
"haan"
"haan sirf tere jaise log aate honge" and he laughed,
"nahi yaar main bhi pahli baar aaya hoon". When we reached up the top,
"Yeh jagah acchi hai yar"
"Snap utha le..."
"Mere camere ki life subah ke suraj ke saath uthti hai aur raat ko suraj dhalne ke saath khatam ho jaati hai, artificial flash light me utana dam nahi hota yar."
"Try kar ke dekh, wahaap pe neeche"
I knew i will come back the next morning to feel the breeze here. I catch a lift and oh it is him, i just saw him once and we had a formal chat when he came to room to see someone else.
"Can you just ask him to prepare Mc Cafe cd, i have already said him", he was needing something from me.
"Oh sure, i am sure going to see him in the room."
Soon I was out, he was on his way and I was at mine, the place was just as i had expected, serene and calm with lots of thandi thandi hawaa flowing. After moving around and looking at the construction work (or maintenance work was going on probably would keep going on at such place) I returned back to the hotel for the breakfast. Ordered a doasai and yes a cheeku juice. Khaate khaate yaad aaya usko phone karna hai,
i take it out type "prepare that Mc. cafe cd if possible, one boy was asking me to ask you, i dont know who he is but prepare the cd"
and "message delivered".
little later it buzzed with same old DDLJ ringtone... i look at it, yeh nayaa rang, yeh nayaa number kaunsa hai??
"Hello"
"Hello... hello"
"Hello haan yar kaun bol rahaa hai?"
"Main arvind bol rahaa hoon"
Arvind??? Yeh kaun hai bhai, kahin yeh baarahavin kaksha ke arvind to nahi hai, yaa fir college ke dinon ka woh... whatever, yeh mat puchh ki kaun hai, dost ne bahut din baad phone kiya hai, pehchaanane se inkaar kar diya to problem ho jaayegi.... i just say..
"Haan bol yaar arvind kyaa haal hain?"
and it got cut.... should i call him back or wait for him to... this time i ring the received call's number.
"Hello arvind"
"hello... haan arvind, kaun bol rahaa hai"
"Main Akhilesh yar, tune abhi mujhe call kiya tha..."
"Haan mujhe bhi ek message aaya tha...""Message??? Maine to message nahi bheja?"
"Nahi i got a message from your number"
"Hold on... just hold on... kya message mila"
"Something like prepare a coffee...." did he miss-read "Mc Cafe??" obviously... and I was enjoying the show with my cheeku juice.
"But I did not send it to you..."
"I got it.."
"I actuallly sent it to arun in my number"
"Nahi my number is xxxxxx77 and arun's number is xxxxxx47 you change your address book"
"You are arvind?"
"Yes arvind"
"from?"I was shocked to hear that he was from the campus! !!!
"Where exactly in...." and he names a hostel ! !!!! Cool! !! "And where from are you calling he cross-questioned me"
"I am calling from just outside the campus, you are talking of Arun from B.Tech or M.tech???
"from b.tech"
"And i sent to an Arun who is working here.
"I now get where the problem is... sorry for disturbing." and he still says...
"Check your address book... you just need to change 77 to 47." well, I said.. "ok" and little later as I finish up with breakfast, i buzzes again...
"I am in department now, the cd is in the book."

2006-04-10T23:50:00.000+05:30

Bugged her, asked him, tried myself, checked forums, I knew it is not a big deal, chhoti si, kutti si baat hai but probably I am the only odd man on this earth, why just with me that things dont work... I keep refreshing the page, nothing appears in the browser and and then a small semicolon ";" resolves up the thing... those two debugging lines which I had put into the code for testing after heavy mess, finally appeared at the command prompt...
"upar pankha chaltaa hai,Neeche babloo sota hai..."

It worked! !!! Few things, few things... still make me smile.
I see lot of them around, everyone busy with their own machines, some playing games, some listening to music on low voice... probably the same playing the same new hits which I listen to the FM radio in my room... i still wish if I had a vividh bharti kind of thing, or if that dhaba continued longer where worldsapce was running, or atleast that music system, or that diskman's adapter... why the hell did I leave it at his room.... raam jaane where my carelessness is going to take me. :( The cycle is complete, its around a year, sun is scorching day by day, and i realize its heat only when i come out for lunch... thanks lord the evenings are cooler for I can go and have chieeku juice, no, i changed my brand, watermelon and maaza are out of list now. This place and the one right on the top of this big building keeps pulling me often, I can just be myself. Holi, diwali, pongal, new year almost all colors i have observed here, somewhere I am thankful to be here, lot of peace than the world outside but then I miss few things... "apanaapan nahi hai sir" I still remember those last words he said me that night, on completeion of the semester. oh! its time, its time to close... will see you soon kaanch.

Kinaaraa

2006-04-08T17:11:00.001+05:30

"What is that you take interest in?"
"What do you mean?"
"There should be something that you would be interested in?"
"Something means..."
"Each and everyone has something which he likes to do with utter interest and, so should you..."
I stand blank for a while...
"There is no special thing... for me, i am the world, if I am down everything and everyone is of no interest, if I am ok, everything would look interesting." smiles and then the silence followed again.
"I am losing interest here", still no guarantee how long will I continue but as long as I can I shall be here, for this is one among those very rare places where I can say "Yes, it belongs to me and I belong to it". For those regular visitors, I know its around a month, and I am sorry to keep you hanging, so many things happened at so many places, all so quick that I have no idea, no answer of my recent past, i am just happy that few things would be safe now, happy that there would be some peace at some place, happy that there would be some happiness somewhere. Somewhere I lost my voice, lost the ablility to express, and I am not aware how much more time will I take to get stable... but after a long time I saw him again, he got down to the roof from that passing flight in the dark sky, came near to me and said..."do baj gaye hain, go downstairs and sleep, i shall not see you here atleast for next few more months... " as I was walking with my head down he whispered.... ".... do keep smiling." and soon vanished back in the darkness.
Today I am opening another blog Kinaaraa in association with my new friend, my digicam... Sitiing in the library me thinking when will SBI strike come to and end...

Majhab nahi sikhata

2006-03-06T23:10:00.000+05:30

And it happened this time, I got down at Vallalar bus stand searched my pockets and... voila no keys... achchaa hua, achha hua din me aaya... par ab kya karega? Its just the letters that I need to collect and thankfully he is there at the week-end... should I say him that I forgot the key? Nahi yar majaak ban jaayega, lekin oosne bola tha kuchh pipe vagairah fit kare hain, kahin darwaaja kholne ka bola to? Hmm oonke paas... we can get those duplicate keys from him, lekin just for keys oonke ghar jaana?? Nahi... jo bhi hoga dekhenge and I straightly walked to the house from the bus stop... near the home....

"Appu?" he called me,

"Yes uncle?"

"Indha unakku voting card vanthurukku, Shanti Niketan la poi sign panna card kudupango"...

voting card for me? May be this time they would have added the name... said him thanks and walked towards our house. Gate khol ke seedhe upar... he was lying on the bed and he was probably bathing. After a hi hello he called me in and signalled to his dad that I have arrived.

"waapa appu" he welcomed me in and we talked about the house and each others family status as usual.

"I have changed all those pipes and have fixed new ones, shall we check them"

"Ok" and I followed him...

"do you have the key? shall we check if there is power supply in the ground floor?"

I smiled thinkng what to reply and before I could justify anything... He too smiled and said

"Ok no problem..." Got down, and moved around the house... I could see those cement pipes were replaced by pvc ones including the one that came from his kitchen down to just near that coconut tree... soon I collected the postal letters and bid a good bye to him. The return wasn't as rushy as i had expected (considering saturday). Sitting on the engine near the driver, hmm.... jab tak engine garm na ho achcha hai.... near poonamallee he stood up and got down... he called me to sit near him. He should have been a villager, i could guess.

"Are you studying?" he asked me in tamil.

"Yes"

"Where?" and slowly we started talking ahead.

"Oh Bhopal?? My son recently went there for some work. He is a CA"

"Hmm..."

"He has two subjects... you know how hard it is to study and work together. He earns Rs. 20,000/-"

"Ya."

"I am going to meet him... "

"Where from are you coming?"

"We owe a house in Krishnagiri... He lives with his mom."

"You mean you live in Krishnagiri and he is in Chennai."

"Yes, he, his wife and mom are here."

"Should be too hard for you..."

"Too hard.. he doesnt understand but"

"These things can not be thought, they need to be understood, but he is right on his side and you are right on yours"

"No he is not bad, he doesn't spend lavishly, but..."

"I mean the generation gap.." and he immediately responded,

"yes, the generation gap... that gap remains. " and he got back to me soon.

"How about your Bhopal? so many hindus there?"

"Its maximum of hindus."

"and muslims?"

"They do live there but mostly in groups. "

"Yes. These hindus they wouldnt let live them properly." and again continued...

"life is hard... kamaaya kya khaaya kya bas utna ichh... maa-baap ki galti se hum paida hote, badaa mushkil baa yeh zindagi" that typical urdu was just enough to prove him that he was indeed from somewhere like krishnagiri. He stopped for a while and...

"where did you study?" and I mentioned the named of my college.

"Oh that one near there"

"Yes.. there"

"apnaa ichh basti.. nahi" I smiled and shook head in yes.

"After studying you came here?"

"Yes"

"Where do you stay? what do you do for food"

"I eat inside"

"Is it good... they permit non-veg?"

"No i dont eat non-veg"

"No chicken no mutten.. nothing?"

I smiled and said "Except cakes, nothing"
"are you hindu?"

"Yes" and he was like shocked, he immediately placed his right hand over my left, said

"sorry pa... forgive me" and turned towards the window side silently... after being silent for around a minute, he got back to me again..

"are you brahmin? "

"yes"

"Infact I am a brahmin" and took out the holy thread from his shirt to justify himself.

"do you do sandhya archana?" continued his talks and by the time we got down at guindy he departed saying... "you know there is good aanchanaiyar(hanuman) temple in Sholingnallur.... it is mostly a brahmin area, around 200 temples you can find there. you should visit some time."

Raat Baaki Baat Baaki

2006-02-18T11:21:00.000+05:30

"Gaana to band hua par gaane ke saath likhna kyun band ho gayaa... ?"

and I said him "na to gaana band hua hai aur na hi likhna... "

Raat ke saade gyaarah baj rahe hain aur aap pad rahe hain raat baaki-baat baaki.... sitting in the lab i am scribbilng around this notepad with the new collection that i purchased to courier her recently...

and before i continue, let me wrap up some unnecessary updates for my continuous absence at this place....

Their arrival and early departure... mummy says "Fruits khaaya kar nahi to buddha ho jaayega, baal dekhen hain peeche se" now how can i turn back and see my own hair from behind, fir khayaal aaya shayad yahi soch ke mentos wale ne nayaa ad banaya hoga. Papa says "thode achche kapde pahnaa kar, you must know what quality is", and I still go by color choices than quality... :(
First time in his absence, had to approach for a five-figure bucks to someone... though he did not convey it but I know he was hurt... it would have been the same feeling which i had when she had recharged her mobile... bas ho gayaa papa I have already spent something you gave, will do the due soon.
Me like an achha bachchaa started doing lots and lots of work. Hmm... Switched over to a new a badaa size pc in the lab... hmm... looks good, lekin brush karte karte when i see myself in mirror I get to know ki aankhon ke neeche kaali parat jamne lagi hai... big monitor matlab jyaada radiation, jyaada radiation matlab... no not coca cola.
Some big funny days... he says i should have captured those moments here. aur isse pahle ki main fir baithe baithe neend ki jhapki maarun...

Apne sar se tarun saahab ka udhaar chukana chaahtaa hai,
Yeh bakra khushi khushi apne hi blog par halaal hona chaahta hai... :))

When I read his post, i just got emersed into melodies of dil hai ki maanta hai, fir itminaan se rules of the game padhe to pataa lagaa ki majra kya hai... simple si baat hai, waise itnee simple bhi nahi hai... aath cheejen likh-jhik karni hai ek aadarsh premi/premika ya perfect lover ke upar. Perfect to bhagwaan bhi nahi hai fir hum vaanar vansh ki aukaat hi kya... Uske baad aath aur vaanaron ko mera matlab hai insaanon ko pakadna hai aur oonse bhi kuch aisee hi list ready karwaani hai.... Hmm... I dont think I can do it par chalo koshish karte hain...

She shall go to temple even before this world wakes up. But subah subah should not call me along with her. :P
She should be able to sing those duets of 60's and mid 70's... those Abhimaan's loote koi mann ka nagar, aapki kasam's karvatein badalte rahe... and those with KK like, o yaar meri tum bhi ho gazab... ek main aur ek tu.... and tere chehre se nazar nahi...
She shall hold kya bolte hain oose haan majha... she must catch majha when I fly kite on the terrace in the evenings... before that someone got to teach me kiting, I mean kite-flying.
She MUST know to ride two wheelers but MUST NOT know to drive four wheelers. (Now why is this???)
Her vision must be away from this world, away... away.... but not so away ki... log kahen chashme baddur... :P
And finally she must always be bakar bakar bole to no time to think.

Ho gayi hai balle balle... ho jaayegi balle balle... aur number paanch she must know mathematics. ;-) Now holding more taggers???? Yahi sabse mushkil kaam hai, I don't think anybody is left untagged, well I leave it to the choice of the readers...

Gana kyun band ho gayaa

2006-01-10T21:58:00.000+05:30

I transfer all my diaries, age-old bus-train tickets, mess card, receipts and chits, from that pant to the one I was wearing. Latched the locking-handle and left out of room, except him nobody was around...
"I am going." he was busy washing his clothes on back side.
"Ok."
"I haven't locked it, please see to it."
"Ok! as of now i am here. I will see upto the time I leave."
and I left the quarters, walked upto a distance and felt, khaali pet would be risky, kuchh khaana chahiye yar... noodles? No... a coffee will do at the moment. Turned back and changed my way towards gurunath. Gurunath is walkable from quarters here, there have been times when the coffee bar and other two-three small shops get closed and I hang up loitering alone at midnight, watching the construction work that was going on until few days back... it is completed, turned into a big Mega-Mess now... "himalayas" they call it and should be open soon, why himalayas? and I suggest the hostel are named on river-names, ganga, jamuna, sarayu and etc. etc.. they all shall now be meeting at this place for lunch and dinner, may be that could be the reason behind the name "himalayas"... and they laugh at me for my suggestions. Cant i be right kaanch?
On reaching gurunath, i order for a coffee. Its a small open restaurant like, gol chhote-chhote chhatarinuma lage huye hain, and few chairs around them. Holding the paper-cup in my hand I hunt for some good place,
"hmm... woh jagah khali hai..."

Sitting there i enjoy coffee looking around at the people. Dheere dheere, coffee finish 5-10 minute aur baith ke jaayenge. I place the cup there on the table and fold my hands, a slow breeze comes from behind me.... and the cup... the cup doesnt fall rather displaces its position little ahead. I stare the way it moves off... hmm... ek aur baar hua to this will fall down from this circualar table... kya bolta hai, girega? I ask myself. Thodi der ke baad, again a slow wind flows... ore gayaa.... the tumbler gets floated and.... arrrrrrrr..... it just goes near the edge... and... and aah! !! Bach gayaa... I smile staring at the cup... oye! lagtaa yeh donon bhi mere saath "hawaa aur cup" ki game dekh rahe hain. Aur wait karen? abey neeche gir gayaa to bechaara coffee boy uthaane aayega.. why dont you take it and put it in that kachre ka dabba... hmmm... i stand, grab the tumbler from the other edge, crush it, and as i walk off I drop it in the dust bin there. Before i leave out I remember i have to buy a notepad. Reached to that stationery shop, ek notepad and haath hilaate huye i am on way to the lab singing "kuchh din to baso meri aa aankhon me.. fir khwaab agar ho jaaaaaa aao to kya... koi rang to do... " Yar tujhe nahi lagtaa ki aaj kuchh bhool rahaa hai... i tap my shirt and pants pocket... yeh kya hai, chaabi, diary, cell phone? rumaal... oye cell phone kahaa hai... i check my pockets again... iss bar fir se agar cell phone gumaa diya toh I wont be able to forgive you... did you leave at the shop or at that stationery... i return back in haste... agar dukaan me chorha hoga to khair nahi hai.. lekin yahaan ke bachhe itne chor bhi nahi honge yar... par agar... saath me leke aaya tha???.... pahle room check kar le... I walk fast and soon reach the quarters, open the door get in, open the room door, even before i step inside my eyes start rolling around... and.... yeh rahaa, I put it in charge and forgot to take it back. Cell phone kya hua jaise ek museebat ho gayi... i keep cursing myself... and return back silently. Abhie abhie hum idhar se hanste khelte guzre the... bolti band... yar gana? yeh gana kyun bandh ho gayaa?.... "kuchh din to baso... " and i am on way to lab again.

Time Frame

2006-01-06T22:58:00.000+05:30

...as I scroll down the full pic at the bottom... I find her sitting on a chair under heavy lights of that restaunrant... holding two colourful paper-cones packed with thin ribbons, red in the right hand, and golden one in left... she sure looks kiddy with a conical topi, and blowing that party-blower toy.

"...here the New year 2006 comes & your mom welcomes it.Hope it will be better for you too..."

Something is left behind, something is lost forever, something will not come back, and yet another year in the name of "2005" passes off... or new year, new hopes, new resolutions to make, new dreams to cherish??
Frame... its a virtual time frame kaanch, I see it as part of one straight continuous flow... and this is not the first time I am checking speed with the stream... made few decisions in the last year, some were against his choice, some places I felt reasonable to compromise, met some new friends, had few reasons to smile, moved a first step ahead successfully, and now I am with myself, may be with same speed as that of the stream... i dont know. What i gained, what i lost, where i was right, where was I wrong, I am not aware, but I know my mistakes, i have my own shortcomings... I remember the night he said me...
"to be flawless would mean to be god, and no human can become god, for then there will be no difference between the two"
and my struggle with myself to remain human continues.
Here I am welcoming one more time frame ahead... belated new year wishes to all the visitors, friends and bloggers. May he shower his blessings on you all, Happy and prosperous new year. :)

Apni bhi zindagi me...

2006-01-03T18:10:00.000+05:30

It was on december 28th, when I went to see him after his hernia surgery that he remembered... day after tomorrow is your birthday vaa? and I shook my head in yes. We sat there watching TV and talking, after a while he went in and brought a book... bible.... not the holy bible... but this one...

"will you read this?"
"i never mind reading technical books", and to my surprise he then and there took a pen and scribbled on its first page... "Happy birthday from vivek and family"
"Hey!"
"advance wishes for your birthday. it is new one, with a DVDs and CD, the softwares on them should be useful to you"
"But"
I bought it few days back, but I not into this, I am not going to read it, its of no use to me... and I knew i had accept it. His mom still says.. nalla saapda paa... complaining i have grown too lean and his father on phone... "keep trying akhilesh, you can have better job for for your talent"... Had dinner with him and came back to campus. And then one day later here,
"what are your plans for the evening?"
"nothing.. why?"
"No, you often go out without informing us, that is why"... I could smell something what they call 'fishy-fishy'... even his parents had come, and were hanging up at guest house here... though we were 6-7 but still there was a strange silence at the dinner table at dhaba that night, we left slowly. On reaching quarters I realized it was only he and me there. He lit is ciggarette and asked
"what is the time..."
"Its 11:45"
"11:45 aaa???" .... :))
"No its just 11:15". His body language felt a relief... he tapped his mobile... after 15-20 minutes said.. "Come let us go". and i just followed him... on the door he arrived,
"Where are are you going da?" and for a moment he stood blank, will he able to say anything in front of me...
I said... "we are going to blow off cigarette at the main gate" and he laughed heavily...
"Pongadaa ponga"
We both started on our bicycles, talking all other non-sense except where we were going... I kept moving towards the main gate of the campus until he stopped me,
"Turn in left" my guess was right, he was taking me to Karthiks' room... its a residential area zone, F-type quarter's they call it... on reaching to the place he stopped the cycle, i stopped too,
"wait here"and he escaped in the Karthik's room which is at groundfloor itself... i could hear some more were already in, i had to go in only when they call me, I remained gazing at the EB meters, slabs, and trees there... little later he too arrived on cycle, i knew what was up but even then i asked him...
"What are you doing here at this midnight?" and he smiled... parked his cycle , came near me and said
"Wish you a many more happy returns of the day.."
"Thanks"
"What? these guys are not allowing you inside?"
"Ya he made me stand out"
"Come i will take you in..." he took me on the side of the door and himself started looking inside..
"Hey shall i bring him in?"
"wait ra..." someone replied...
He turned to me... "just a minute akhil"
"What yar, its alread 12:10 these guys are never on time." I said with smile and he laughed...
"Dai... do it soon... you come in da" and we entered in.
Its a very small house, lights off, two chairs surrounded over a small table, and a square piece of cake with four candles on its corner and one in the middle... it read... "Happy Birthday Appu"...
Appu??? Hmm... good.
As i stood there looking at it, he forwarded his hand, "happy birthday" then her and then him... one by one all those five wished me... and it started..
"Dai camera da.."
"Akhil you stand there..."
"Take this knife"
"This view will be better"
"can we move this chair there.."
and I just stood there holding the knife... thinking whom to hear and what to do next... meanwhile it buzzed...
"Hello..."
"Wish you many more happy returns of the day da... where are you?" talked to him for a while, meanwhile their camera got stuck or so... he kept it aside, soon even I got time to be away from the phone, blew off those candles, and it buzzed again...
"Hello..." and the call sequence continued with few seconds interruptions... i must say i was trying to manage both the tracks...
"I wonder you remember my birthday"
"Why you did not expect me to?"
"No, i usually dont remember dates, so i dont expect people to remember my birthday too"
"Oh! So humble of you akhil"
Humble????.... did they really mean it or kidding or... buhu! !!!

Had cake with them all, got a gift, greeting card...
I never open gift packs on the spot but this time it was like, everyone around eager to know and i had to be like "let us check out what is in...." Got two more books! !!!!!!!!!

this one and

"Winning???" this one says "No other management book will ever be needed" Hmmm... So now after reading this one, I can convince papa that I have done my MBA. ;-)

Soon we all returned back, i thanked them all for all that they had arranged. We three returned back to the room, I usually sleep alone but that night he joined with me, while lying there he made a comment... "Dai akhil kutti..! Friendship is a different relation... it is no equal to anything else"
"Yes da it is no equal, see how you are sleeping with your leg over mine and I am still keeping calm, you cant dare sleep same way with you mom in your home right" and he laughed later on taking his leg aside... As expected the morning again began with sms and calls, he asked me "did you go to temple?" and I realized it would be good if go there, got ready, red shirt with stripes and brown pant, went to durga temple here, but i must admit it was a formality. I never go at such places out of occasions... suddenly on some night walking down from this lab to quarters i remember him and feel i should thank him i look up and slowly say "Thank you" in the smell of the dew-soaked woods, that is all ok i guess. Got some cakes for the department, not too many people were here for this week. Then in afternoon two of friends could join me at lunch.

Reached back to the lab, checked mails, and few hours later got a call from him... he wished me and was said to have been in some "market place" on enquiry. Few minutes later got his call again.... "Akhil, can you come down to main gate... one of my friend is waiting there." Well, now why someone whom i have never seen has come down at this place to see me, but as usual instead of asking who why what i ended up.. "Ok! How do I recognize him?"
"He will be in green shirt and ...you come out, if you can not recognize him then you ring me up"
and i agree on coming out of campus soon. Who will he be? Why should he come to meet me? Will he wait longer? Should i catch a bus or cycle? cycle will be better... Pedaled the borrowed cycle for 2-3 kms till main gate, and just before i could reach out.. it buzzed again...
"ya.. i am just about to reach... where is your friend... can he come in.."
"He can not go in , some security check is going on" it was obvious for bangalore incident...
"Ok, ok... i am about to reach..."
Kaun ho saktaa hai.. kaun ho saktaa hai.. can it be he, nahi oose to yaad hi nahi tha and he can not cross bangalore to here in just 2-3 hours, can it be he, he is in hyd, and there are no single chance that it must be him for he is far away at the moment... I keep guessing thinking and get out of the gate.... and by the time i reach out, oh my god it was he himself. :O
Green shirt, no french beard, a kinda parcel in one hand, and a bag in the other... bag???? Later on came to know that he did not even go his home yet. Just wished me, handed over the parcel in my hand... and before i could get the feel that he has really come here... "no yar I have to go" what should i do? say him thanks for coming from all along there? Take to some restaurant, or let him be at his comfort... puzzled and it all happened so quick and so... i just remained there and he walked off towards the bus stop putting the bag back on his shoulders... a different surprise! !! I get back thinking silently, on the cycle until I am disturbed by a call... and the environment lights up again... there is special movie for new year... new year or for my birthday....lol, it is "Sholay", oho! But what about the dinner in Nungambakkam? I ring him and he says "I think everyone is going their home for the week end.. I will let you know"
"Shall i ring them and ask?"
"Why are you wasting your money, main yahaan corporate landline se call kartaa hoon, i will find it out and call you back"... he did not call back. And this team then added some more fun to the evening. Great simply great movie indeed. :)

For the first time on this birthday, nobody of those four was around, celebrations started with a midnight-cake than with a morning-chocolate by mummy's hand in the bed. Wonderful day it was.

I feel so lonely tonight

2005-12-26T20:39:00.000+05:30

I remember didi's warning "Mere mp3 player ki cable kab bhejega..." Hmm... she is only hearing my pre-loaded KK now, cant delete it, cant put something else into it coz the USB cable is with me... and moreover her choice and my choice dont match as that close... she is much more a fan of lataa and i am more of KK and kumar sanu's melody. Went to odyssey again, this time to search for the CD that I forgot to buy for her last time... and ishhhhhhhhh!! the cd stock is over. They have same collection "Those were the days" in cassette format. Cassette?? Hmm... yes, no yes, no, yes and finally no. I can wait until the new stock arrive... as i was about to leave out , this one came to my glance.... did not I say this was catching my eyes already but when did it arrive... grab it akhil bhai, before the stock gets over... and Got it.. aaaaaaaaah! and me so happy to see Mera Saaya on the list. I hunted raaga.com, dishant.com and google and what not... but all in vain... :((

"Aapke pahloo me aakar ro diye" I got it finally.... :) Many there are so many songs that I still look out for and dont get them neither on the net nor in the cassettes or CDs....
Here is why I am so crazy of this one... one side of the two cds...

"Dukhi mann mere sun meraa kahnaa,
Jahaan nahi chainaa wahaan nahi rahnaa... " Dev Anand in Funtoosh.
Dev Anand is my all time favorite, there i no mood as when to watch him or listen to him... and even in real life, I still have to vision someone with so much optimism and positiveness. They say it right, if the word "evergreen" in dictionary does not exist it would be required to be put in, just to describe the man. :)

"Mere toote huye dil se koi to aaj yeh pooche ke teraa haal kya hai" - Chhalia
Mukesh and KK I always get confused who is my favorite? Yes, often KK seems to get hold but how can i forget that among the two it was mukesh that i heard first, and many many songs could not have been without him, like the one... "aaya hai mujhe fir yaad woh zaalim, guzaraa zamana bachpan ka" and the one... "Jinhe hum bhoolnaa chaahen woh aksar yaad aate hain" and those from "Teesri Kasam".... none other than him could have sung them all so well.

"Tera jana... dil ke armaanon ka lut jaana... "
I dont listen too much of lata, I did not like the songs of "Ek duje ke liye" (these guys often hear that one), but some selected songs I can never forget. Almost all composition under "daag", "mera saaya", "aapki kasam".... and few more...

"Koi hamdam na raha koi sahaara na rahaa..."
KK again. :)

"Chahoonga main tujhe saanh savere"
Sanjeev Kumar has got some of the very best songs one is this one and those numbers from Khilauna... just love them and kaanch, am i forgetting Anaamika??

"Rang aur noor ki baarat kise pesh karoon, yeh muraadon ki hansi raat kise pesh karoon...."
There is another happy version of it, but good that they sealed the sad version with this. Sunil Dutt is awesome. :)

"Jis dil me basaa tha pyar tera, oos dil ko kabhie ka tod diya hai tod diya"
Mukesh and melody... no words keep listening to him. There are many more such numbers, didn't I say I have been listening to mukesh right when I was 5-7 years old kid. When Kaka would bring those bhajan cassettes, mummy would also prefer mukesh and just mukesh. :)

"Kya se kya ho gayaa bewafaa tere pyar me"
No, no no... it doesnt remind me of Rafi, it reminds me of the movie Guide first and then rafi next. :)

"Na tum bewafa ho, na ham bewafaa hain...."
Again a selected one from lataa. :)

"Fizaa ke phool pe aati kabhie bahaar nahi,
Mere naseeb me ae dost teraa pyaar nahi..."
Kishore and rajesh khanna matchless combination.

"Aap ke pahloo me aakar ro diye,
Daastane gham sunaa kar ro diye..." -Mera Saaya.
I dont know why but when some of the best movies are named this one is more often forgotten... forgotten or left out? pataa nahi, today when remix line is so popular, people remember "Jhumkaa giraa re, bareli ke baajaar me" but i always feel there was much more to the movie than just that one number... Sunilji hats off to you, wish today you were between us... but you still are... :) One of those beautiful lines i recall...
"Poori hongi sab oonki farmaaishen, ek na chhooti jaayegi,
Aa padaa hai aashiqui se vaastaa ab kya tabiyat sambhaali jaayegi"... :) from "naino wali ne hye meraa dil lootaa" something similar "sher-in-between-song" style is copied in Sarfarosh... "Iss deewane ladke ko koi to samjhaye..." with sonali and aamir.

"Na koi umang hai, na koi tarang hai..."
Yeh gaana sun sun ke ghees gayaa hai... i listen to it but not with that so much interest. But i must say all numbers in Kati Patang were just right. and why not... rajesh khanna and kk combination, it had to be at its best. ;-)

"Jane kyun log mohbbat kiya karte hain..."
No, its not from dil chahtaa hai... :P.... well, i like the way it begins, "Iss zamaane me, iss muhobbat ne, kitne dil tode... kitne ghar foonke.."

"Hum the jinke sahare"
One of the very rare song to see people remembering this. Its obvious when you talk of Safar you get pulled away towards.... "Zindagi ka safar hai yeh kaisa safar" and the other one "Jeevan se bhari teri aankhen majboor kare jeene ke liye" and this one doesnt come to head immediately.

Well, this is was one side of "I feel so lonely tonight"... Can you resist it??? I could not. Somehow I decided, I am going to go for it, i could not resist myself anymore. "Pateince is what i have and patience is what I need"... i often say this to myself, i dont know to what extent i have been to it, but by the same evening (on saturday) I went ahead and bought a simple cd-player too, to listen this one, mummy is coming in Jan and if he comes to know about it, he sure gonna say.... "Main isse bhi bhadiya bhijwaa deta..."... I understand and probably he understands me too... its not something with big wi-fi speakers to bang quarters here, at the moment any small one with a two ear-phone could have done and this one is ok... ok to feel the musical charm of the night. :)

Hello Sir

2005-12-22T22:48:00.000+05:30

"Rajni Special! Download maximum ringtones and win laptos & lots more. Type Rajni and SMS to XXXX Changes Rs. 10 /Ringtone..."
"Download ringtones and win cool mobiles! Call XXXXXX for AARU ringtones. Call YYYYY for SANDA KAZHI Ringtones."
Bugged I am with all this SMS here... much cool thing is... they all mostly end with "Download FREE! Call charges Rs 6/minute" :P. As the new year is approaching the offers on mobile services and other sides are running high... and so many calls from unknown numbers, I dont know from where they get my name and number...
Few months back he was asking me "Akhil do you have any idea, where can we get a house in Adyar"
"Why?"
"My parents are coming here... and... " he said me what it was all about,
"Why don't you try looking some ads or enquire some consultants?"
"Ya I know there is one newspaper by 'FREE ADS'.... "
Started searching for it, went out back gate roamed around for some shops and could not get that newspaper. I suggested... "it would be good if we go by ourselves and hunt for a house with a to-let board in the locality and if it is not possible we can ringh 1947"
"What is 1947..." The number is really too cool even I did not know about it, until those people came here for five days and during a discussion he said me.
"1947 is yellow pages online"
"Ok akhil, you ask them for some lodges or anything"
I rang them from a landline number... and the madam picked it up.
"Sir, please note down....
Hotel Malar... contact number...
Hotel Shelton... contact number...."
"Madam I dont need five star hotels.. some cheap lodges would do..."
"Ok sir... we will give your number to them sir, they will ring you sir... would you like your number and email id to be given to them?"
"Dai number kekkaranga da... kudukkutoma?" and he said "give your number akhil"
I gave them my phone number...
.
.
That was a two month back story, fooh! Now few days back at 11:30 a.m. I stand near verandah thinking if I can take bath in that thandaa thandaa paani now or little later, I get a call....
"Hello sir, is it Mr. Akhil"
and I very politely answer "Yes, this is Akhil here."
"Sir we are calling from Hotel..... you enquired about us at 1947... sir we are having different packages for new year... blah-blah ..... sir we are having family package also... (ab yeh kya hotaa hai)... you can come as individuals or as couples(buhu! !!)... blah-blah... sir you wont believe the rates are... blah-blah...." and those people talk so non-stop that I keep listening to them... kabhie to rookegi, and toofan mail finally applies a brake...
"Sir shall we book this blah-blah... or... this blah-blah??"
He he... its my turn now...
"No actually I am having corporate parties coming up for the new year, no plans as of now I shall convey to you if I have any such plans of celebrations"
Fooh! This week is late getting up week... and when I say late it is nowhere before 10:00-10:30 a.m. got ready, and rushed to mess for direct lunch.. I dont know from how many days I am missing my breakfast here... may be that is the reason he was saying... "Kya re bahut dubalaa hote jaa rahaa hai"... finished up and caught up the train for some work outside. Pedaled 2-3 Kms on cycle to main gate, from there shar auto and fir local train.... the train moves to a distance and it buzzes... with DDLJ ringtone... a new number? kaun ho saktaa hai...
"Hello?"
"Hell is it Mr. Akhil..."
"Yes, this is akhil here"
"Sir we are calling from Hotel...."
and I simply close my eyes, dont feel like cutting the call too
"yes... ok.. ok...oh!.. ok.. ok.. "
and when it all stops...
"I will ring you whenever I decide to...." and this time they even go ahead to bug with...
"Sir, please note down our number sir..." and I simply repeat whatever they say.... as if I am noting them all digits...
"9-8"
"Umm... 9-8"
"9-4"
"Nnnnine fooooour"
blah blah
"Thank you Sir"
.
.
Oh welcome!!!!!

Insaano ke bhaav???

2005-12-19T20:08:00.000+05:30

We four get down one by one at the railway station, and all those people surround us...
chaay-chaay chaay-chaay...
Saab coolie?
Finding way among them we get aside...
"Yahaan pe khade ho jaao, main dekhtaa hoon". And he went for a round... though it was about 9:30-10:00 a.m. there was still chillness in the climate... navratri is the time when winter just starts there. Holding our luggage, we all snailed and cornered near those steps which led to the bridge above.
He arrived back in a while,
"Train doosre platform pe aayegi, thodi der hai.... abhie chalnaa hai ya der se??".
Mummy did not respond to him, rather enquired us both... "Tum dono ko kuchh khana pina hai to khaalo...".
"Mujhe to kuchh nahi khanaa" she replied.
"Ruchi jo bhi karnaa hai abhie karlo, ek baar train me baith gaye to fir shaam tak ki chhutti... chaay pee lete hain... mummy ko bhi vrat hai"
"Theek hai... theek hai chalo fir."
Mummy stood near the luggage and he took us both to the tea-stall there... ordered four tea and a packet of good-day Biscuit.
"Saab chaay me der lagegi..." the steel-container was pouring slowly... "nayaa thermos hai na andaja nahi hai, teen bhi aa sakti hai chaar bhi ho jaaye... maloom nahi... " and he filled them one by one... it just got enough to fill out four tumblers.
"Mummy ko chaay nahi jamegi..."
"kyon?" and I did not answer.... i know what is her taste.
"Aap ruko main deke aata hoon..." I walked faster to reach to mummy holding that paper-cup, papa and ruchi followed me slowly.
"Yeh lo mummy..." just in few seconds even they both arrived.
one sip and "Chaay achhi nahi hai..." she denied with a mood as like someone eats a lemon.
"Maine bolaa tha na..." we stood there drinking talking.
"Kuchh khane ka saamaan hai oos me nikaal lo naashta ho jaayegi dono ki"... got some eatables, they both could not take it for it was their fasting day... ruchi and me were eating.... looking at us an old lady arrived. I was almost done with the biscuit and ruchi was still hodling the packet...
Lady looks at me and asks for something, I put my hands in my pocket but in vain... :(( she looked at Ruchi... forwarded her hand towards her....
"kuchh de de betaa... bhagwaan bhalaa karega..."
Ruchi doesn't understand what to do.... looks at me and i stand smiling silently... she looked at mummy then... "de do... woh bhi khaa legi..." she took two biscuits from her hand and forwarded to the lady... and the old lady took her hand back...
"Tu hi khaa le betaa..."
and slowly moved away from the place... Papa and me share an understanding smile, mummy is like "jo mil rahaa hai log woh bhi nahi lete".... Ruchi holds the packet but her hands now stopped... she just looked at me with questioning eyes... I smiled... she did not understand me but she too smiled back with still her eye-brows tending to meet one another... as if worrying "why the beggar would not have taken the biscuits?"
.
.
Talked to her few days earlier... "Sweater le li??"
"Nahi bhaiya... pataa nahi kitne ki aayegi?"
"Kyun?"
"Aap ko to pataa hi hai, sab kuchh yahaan mahanga milta hai, indore me har cheez ke bhaav... yahaan pe to insaanon ke bhi bhaav chade huye hote hain..."

Albert, as I see him...

2005-12-16T16:28:00.000+05:30

I read his names during my tenth grade, and it was not until i read his short biography that I realized there was someone with same feelings, the more i read about him the more I started admiring him... today when it is almost a year me blogging and specially when 2005 is regarded as "World Year of Physics" is about to settle down, somehow got reminded of him today...

"The only thing you learn from history is that you learn nothing from history"

Whenever it came to the subject, I always used to free myself with this quote... hated history right from my sixth standard... i know my storage memory is not as good as processing memory.... i never topped but maths and physics were always my favorites with geometry and algebra oooh! i just love them... I dont remember dates... I am often absent minded... I am careless... if I am asked to bring four things from a shop there are high chances that i will forget the one which was conveyed to me, right when I was leaving the house... though politely but I always argued with teachers and could never dare open my mouth when I wasn't quite sure of it, but still worked out separately to convince myself if the teacher is right... even today I read his childhood incidents with utter leisure and they bring up a smile on my face... I can feel them, how it would all have been... I simply could not stop myself putting it down here....

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.
He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm ?
Student: (Student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From.....God...
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it?
Student : Yes .
Prof : And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?
Student: (Student does not answer.)
Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
Student: (Student has no answer.)
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No , sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.
Student : Now tell me, Professor , do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, Sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher ?
(The class is in uproar.)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?.....No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir ?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir.. The link between man & God is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

"Albert Einsten"
Someone I always admired... and here are few words from him taken from his essay...
"How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people -- first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving...... "

2005-12-15T20:14:00.000+05:30

Arse baad sukhi ret pe kuchh dhaar giri ho jaise,
Door kahin registaan me aaj thodi si paani ki bauchhar hui ho jaise...

"Theek hai main dekhtaa hoon... oye aaj poonam hai kya?"
"Haan kyun?"
"Main yahaan chal rahaa hoon aur mere theek saamne chaand dikha to mujhe lagaa ki aaj poonam ho sakti hai..."
"Wahi main soch rahi thi ki achaanak beech me poonam kahaan se aagayi... wah appu... lekin maine na to chand dekha aur nahi mujhe pataa tha ki aaj poonam hai"
"Toh fir haan kyun kiya?"
"Subah maami dhoop lagaa rahi thi to unhone bola thaa ki aaj poonam hai..."
and little later....
"kya appu main tere ko bataati hoon aur tu... waise tune koi buraa kaam bhi nahi kiya"

She still says me some of her secrets and I still don't know what to hide and what to not from papa and mummy, ... as "full talk time" message popped on my mobile I charged it for a little bigger amount than Rs 200 or Rs 300/- this time, talked to them all... she needs a sweater as it is chilling out at hostel, she is fighting her way out in that house, and they both? I don't remember when exactly was the last time I talked to him... was it on my SCJP clearance? shaayad... and to hear him today was so.... I can hardly talk longer, and I can observe he has started restricting his calls to me, I know the reason... many, there are many lessons in life he has taught me in his very own ways and I am learning them. He is not the man to be observed, he is the man to be understood. There is nothing opaque from his side to me or probably between any of us, all his troubles are transparent to me... and now that they both are together they can understand perceive some situations more clearly. I dont know to what extent the kid in me is still alive, but the way I have been through situations in past four-five years without him...
I always visioned something, she always agreed with me, but we both could never make out to anything... he must be realizing it all... how I wish things were different, everyone is right at his place but still it is lock... yes, a 'deadlock'... why everytime it is the same case kaanch?

2005-12-14T18:02:00.000+05:30

Was just browsing around installing those sdks, some tutorials with a bulk of html contents... Is there any utitlity to search for specfic word in a bulk of html content??? Specially in java api which is so well structured.... simply put a search on desktop can do it... but how much time will that take? and it is all going to show me only the file name not their contents... went to google, i know whenever it comes to 'search' the word "google" comes to head, none can stand before them. And it is growing still faster, various utitlities they have released (I still got to check many of them), i felt i can try one... "Google Desktop", i dont know what it is all about but when he was here he would keep saying me "hey akhil... did you check this?"... "hey akhil, check this games site?".... "hey akhil see these audibles"... downloaded google desktop, installed and was just lost into it... it took me around fourty five minutes to play around with it, i think its just what i needed and it is what everyone would expect on a desktop... news, weather, photos, scratch pad, and to-do-list which you can scribble anytime... blogspot, hello picassa, and now google desktop, yeh sab dekh ke i am eagering to try other google utilities... maps and all that... After giving up old PC at vellore, many things seems to cease down, yes I do dream these days, dream of my own PC, RAM with some GB stuff than those slow MBs so that I can also run few j2ee servers, I know how badly this machine was with 128 MB ram, you click a window and mozilla will pop up only after 10 seconds, i bet kaanch, you could wait and count the ticks... Now after screwing one more 128 MB chip from the other pc, its comparatively getting better... i still can not afford to learn websphere though... :((.... it will sure go to sleep if I install that here... kaanch, is it just the software line that i am into?? Chalo coffee ka time ho gayaa akhil bhai...

I need myself

2005-12-13T16:37:00.000+05:30

I think these days i am getting too much frustrated, i dont want to, but no matter somehow i manage to talk. Many times i feel all those few lines that i am talking is nonsense, that has nothing to do with anything, few weeks back I ended up hurting him at the dinner table, that was all by chance, but thanks to almighty for the extra-ordinary sensors that i can see what is running in head and heart for people whom i get to know, apologised to him then and there and got things right... You know kaanch, sometimes I think, why do I think so much... "thinking on thinking"... ha ha.. recursive process they call it. There is a great sense of relief from past two days, is it because i went to the lonely house in vellore... may be. Is it that "homesickness" that i am suffering from? I dont know but i got to take things lighly, seems like i am losing myself day by day... i was about to go for bath and those people were saying about Dhoni's batting 50 in 49 balls, remembered those days of Zor ka jhatakaa, and Oye bubbly days of shahrukh, why is it like lots and lots have been changed since then? Am i too invovled in job line? Have I started taking life too seriously? Everyone has responsibilities, everyone has worries about future, but am I... I need to be with myself, i need myself back...

Happy human rights day

2005-12-10T00:01:00.000+05:30

I say it again, you are among those few rarest gems that someone sitting above in heaven has gifted me...
"Happy Birthday Ruchi..."
Do you want me to convey it.... ?? :P... Gifts, greeting cards, emails will never come our way. Guess, last year I was with you, and this year I am not before your eyes... your bhaiya may not be there always, but he will be there with you as long as he can, in whatsoever way he can. Remembering you today and everyday. God bless. :-)

How about next time...

2005-12-07T23:42:00.000+05:30

Days are back, I am again surrounding myself with a PC and few technical books. Today was another time when I felt "i am going to buy a book", I want one and I want it today itself, was it because I was going to get a ready cash... may be... but it was delayed this time and as soon as I got the cheque, i encashed it and decided to run out to Odyssey. The place is becoming my favorite now, it is just where I can spend something from my pocket. Many times i wish to buy little things I see there, not that i dont have enough but then.... I say myself "not this time" and walk off. I got a book from there earlier and that doesnt seem to be much entertainng. The design of that is so... kya kahun ek dam bachche ki jaisee hai, and I paid Rs 600/- for it, :(( I sure closed my eyes at that time, just because it was the only one that was highly-highly prescribed. This one should be ok now, i think anything compared to the previous one on the same subject would have been ok. And as usual it was only when I returned back I got to know I had to buy the CD for her... "Those were the days..." - I love the caption... "Revamped not remixed." :)

I have this, and I am in no mood to return this to her. Better I shall give her another copy but not this, it is secondary that I can't listen it myself too... and there is another collection catching my eyes now... kaanch, dont you think its time I should buy CD-player??? buhu! !!.... and last sunday i remember how I had to wash that biggggg winter-blanket, hey bhagwaan after soaking into water it is really 25 K.G..... kamar dukh gayi dhote-dhote and gosh... how could i spend the night chillling, for it did not dry up because of cold-weather and rains outside.... thanks to this institute they give 24hours current supply and my brainy head know how to dry damped-clothes with an iron box.... :P... kaanch, I guess i should also buy a washing machine, and will I ever be able to buy a PC all by myself....
"how about next time"?? ha ha...

2005-12-02T23:56:00.000+05:30

"Kyaa khaaya aapne?"
"Maine wahi daal roti sabji chaawal..."
"Kaahe ki sabji?"
"Woh yahaan pe banaate hain na.... kele ke phool ki safed safed aur kuch beans wagairah daal ke"
"Haan... woh bhaiyaa woh... achha achha.. haan haan"
"Aur aapne..?"
"Maine roti aur daal aur kaddoo ki sabji.. sabji to khaane ka hi mann nahi kartaa bhaiya" I know she doesnt like pumpkins even then i asked her...."Kyun?"
"Pataa nahi ajeeb si banaate hain iss hostel me..... shakal surat dekhne ka mann hi nahi kartaaa"
"Kaddoo ki shakal hoti hai kya, maine to aaj tak nahi dekhi... kaisee hoti hai?"
"Meraa matlab woh nahi thaa"
"To fir kya tha.."
"Ab kyaa bhaiyaa aap bhi..?" and she giggled.
One place.... there is one place where i can become almost a kid... kid or joker... pataa nahi. :P
I don't know how far i have been able to understand the complexities of this world. But still there is lot more to face, today I realize this world is too big, sach yeh duniya bahut bahut bahut badi hai... there is so much around on this earth... and i have small sphere over me, under which I feel myself secure and safe. I dont know why but I dont feel like throwing myself out of it, i dont know if it is fear, i dont know if it is hesitation, i dont know if I dont want to do that... Sometimes it all looks plane and simple, i am half-way through my life and there is just half-way to go... and then it looks like there is still a long journey to go, i have to do what i am expected to... I have to do what i am supposed to. Huh! Sorry to inform you too late kaanch, i cleared a test on monday... it doesn't matter me much though. I am not as that happy, neither i am like... "oh! I am a big man now"... days are running smooth same way. Today its a different feeling, a feeling like ek bahut badaa tufaan guzar chukaa ho, aur chhoti chhoti cheezen dheere-dheere zameen pe neeche aa rahi hai. Now, I have almost shifted downstairs, he has also cleared his interview (just got the confirmation mail) and I guess he will be leaving out after some days. I knew he would make it, he deserves it really. Good luck satya, I know i will never be able to say this to you directly, neither orally nor in writing, but here i put it... i will miss you and miss all those days and moments that we spent together. You needed it and god has gifted it to you. Congratulations. :)
Huh, It is around 12:30 p.m., rains are still up, oops, i still have my pants damped and folded... :D There is so much peace tonight, after a long time I somehow managed to get hold of this pc, it has a built in speaker and me listening to kishore's "kiskaa rastaa dekhe ae dil ae saudayi". I just love you kishoreda. :)

Happy Birthday Papa! !!

2005-11-22T23:05:00.000+05:30

"I see all this people sitting around, oh! her box has fallen down she is picking up, seems to be a mirror with kind of powder or a make-up item... he is busy with the newspaper... hmm, tamil newspaper in international airport.... those three are standing there, trying to guess out where to go, all in their sixties... god, i wish if there was someone who could locate them what they want... a tamilian girl and her mother are arriving at the entrance, people are standing on my right in a que, what the que is for.... many visitors are waving good-bye to their relatives.... cool a/c, heavy tubelights, announcements running, busy stalls, air-hostess and crew memembers passing by........

Its a strange world... its always good to be at such places, where there are so many people, each busy in his own world, each busy thinking, thinking what he has to do at the moment, you see children playing around, you see youngsters in jeans and pants, you see adults with their own personality, and old aged with their own thinking... thinking if this complex world can lend them some support, some support either in finding thier queries, either lifting their luggage or letting them know what they want...

After a journey of three hours in the bus and two hours waiting outside I am here scribbling this small diary, which I bought few days back. Just hugged them both and he said...
"OK! Appu Dekhenge waapas nahi aaye"
I was little surprised if what he was saying... then I got him, though he has done it all with perfection, her visa, her passport, her permission letter from his company.... he still hesitates (just 0.5 %) if she would be able to go. This is the first time for her, i know how she is feeling it all, on one side she is happy that she would now support him as much as she can and on the other hand she is worried of how these three are going to be here. Somewhere there is also a worry how she is going to manage the new culture, a different world, she has never imagined but just seen it on television and the photographs that he occasionally brought here on every visit he paid here. During those three hours, he talked to me as much as he could, and i would always be silent. He is everything to me, i can find copies of him, i can find people whose thoughts match to his but he would always be what he is and no one can be like him, yes, not even myself. Ooooops! What this flash is... he is taking a snap of her.... i see 5-6 foreigners around. Its a complete different experience, me sitting and writing this all so instantly, some people even come and go staring at my handwriting here, gosh its too bad, but experience for sure is good, calm and serene, lots of peace around. So many thoughts still bug me, I still feel there is still so much that can be done in life, there is so much that I can give to this world, I know i am not ok from past few days, and I knew it would be great relief after listening to him... and yes it was, but it is always that he talks and I listen silently... sometimes it goes for an hour with my head down and no eye-contact between us. His talks varies from family society, personal, religion and all open minded. In the bus he started with....
"Dont have heart feelings Appu! Dont think I am alone, mummy jaa rahi hai... papa jaa rahe hain... eveyone is an individual on this earth... eveyone has to live this life all alone.." Is it wh...

Remembering you today and everyday... Happy Birthday papa! I owed you something today, but for some reasons i shall be delayed.

2005-11-19T14:18:00.000+05:30

I had no idea if this shall happen... life still has surprises, holding the glass of milk i was returning to the table in dhaba, he was having my phone talking to his friend... and by the time i return, i was shocked to see him, he was all flowing before everyone there, and I could do nothing but hold him and call him by his name... soon he was ok, before I could make him talk or say something, soon got a call at my mobile, first time from him and we talked for ten minutes. Meanwhile he had left the place, and was by then at the table... is he ok now... should be. I reached over to him and he revealed it all... shocked, surprised or... i dont know. People still fool me kaanch, and they do it all such easily and squarely... is it because I am... or is it because or... should i .... no idea. I need to be more cautious now.

Moolight beach

2005-11-17T00:19:00.000+05:30

"These are very important, very expensive, and very confidential cds and you have to keep them safely." I could not understand why they are so confidential when everything is going to be put on the intranet. and I got it when he said... "They are developing the registration window and user authentication, so you must also be with them. ". Five days, and today it was all over with one day seminar session exclusively by Microsoft followed by distribution of a kit material ending with tea-coffee. It feels good, it feels good when some work is done. Sometimes there is no work and sometimes if it comes it comes heavily. I am happy that it all ended well. On the snacks session, i was talking to them all
"i am going to beach today. "
"Beachaa????????? why you want to go to beach???? I think he is joking"
"Illai he is really going...."
I dont know why did it sound so different to them.
"Are you joking or serious??" oh god come on....
" I am going, if you want to come... come.. else i will go all alone and come back."
"ok"
"I am coming."
"I am also coming."
"Naanu varendaa"
And they all followed one by one. Catching local bus we all reached on the stopping. Some fireworks were being blown into the sky just from opposite to the church that was close to the beach. All people around were standing and watching it. I was thinking who is doing it all, as I reached near, i saw it was an automated box, one by one it were automatically shooting up like diwali rockets. What could be the occasion... no idea, hope christians or that local church knows about it. Reached to beach in few minutes, almost full moon and its silver image on the surface of the water. I wanted to see from a long long time, but always missed the combination... every time i had to either leave off to vellore or some other thing stuck. On reaching near the sands he asked me, "Akhil, how do you know about it" and I could not answer anything for even I have not seen such a thing earlier but I just knew it would be good thing to watch. They all enjoyed it in their own way, some standing in water and some not even stepping into it, however nobody went ahead for bath, I dont know if they did not want to or because it was night time. One by one within few minutes we all sat there, had bhutta(corn) oh it was all dried in full day's sunlight, chatted for few minutes and back stopping at a mirchi pakoda, i dont know what they call it in tamil, is it " Mullaka bajji" may be... but it is "bajji" that is sure. As we sat there, she was putting them into oil but her eyes were fixed at the other shop that was little far away. A kid was shouting there, "Mottai vaaaaa da", was he calling her son? who was sitting here, playing with his father, shaayad. But he is not going, he just wants to play here itself. And the way she was looking, without paying much attention to the even to "hot kadaai" , are the two shops run by same family, i see an old lady in that shop... is that her mother or mother-in-law, why is she so much worried about the kid's call to her son.... as she finished with our order, she slowly said him in tamil...
" Go he is calling you..".... but he still neither listens to her mom and nor to the boy at other end, he is just busy talking to his father... and the boy far away from there still screams teasing him, and the two ladies keep staring at the kid on the other end... as i got the plates in my hand I thought, why do i go thinking these things at times. We finished, too hot it was and we left the place without water. While walking back he looked at one of posters and asked me what they do there, where is it...
"It is from sunsilk, they wash your head and give it the hairstyle you want."
"They have a system too... you can see how you look in each hair style" he added funnily.
And then a small talk on airtel-hutch,
"hutch has two cartoons"
"and it has a dog too. Wherever you go our dog follows..... :D"
In no time we were soon back near the main gate. It is already 9 will mess be open, ok let us rush up soon. We decided to check out mess first, and if it gets closed we will go to dhaba. They two were walking ahead and the remaing were behind me, walking in between them i was looking at the traffic. Suddenly soemone came faster from behind and started walking along with me...
"thanks akhilesh"
"why?"
"You called us all, I would remember this after going out from this institute." and I was blank.
"I had the plan of going, I did not call anybody, they all came one by one.... but yes, i called him and he denied."
Smiles and I look back again to the traffic running on my right.

Kuchh aise bhi hai log yahaan...

2005-11-12T00:32:00.000+05:30

Standing there looking at me, shouting... "Akhil!" showing those chips... should I call them chips may be " kurram" will be good oh sorry in tamil they call it "murukku". And I say...
"I had it".
When I came here on the very first day, and was writing that letter for extending the joining-day ahead.... he was there then and looked too odd to me. After joining also, i remember the day when I came too early, I thought she hasn't come and asked the security to give me the keys for the lab. He walked, in a very odd style, his neck can not turn more than 90 degrees, he can not lift up his hands with ease.... I was talking to security, and suddently he had come behind me, asked...
"who are you?".
I could then frame he is like a security guard in this lab. I still remember how I would go back to my room-mates and tell his stories, his walking style... he then seemed to me like a watch-man of a horror movie under Ramsay banner. I said...."I am trainee here..."
"Trainee yaaa?... go and check first whether the lab is open or closed... dont beg for the keys un-necessarily"
I could only say "Ok.." then. I go to the top, I get down the stairs again to him...
"is it open or closed" he asks looking at me with his neck on a very odd angle.
"it is open.. i am sorry, i did not see."
He stared at me that day and I returned. Slowly he watched me coming everyday and understood that I am trainee here. Then one day he called me to change the water-can that we keep here for drinking. Months later he started calling me at nights to the room below. With his drooping shoulders, neck tending to bend down and walking very slowly ahead of me, he would ask me just one question...
"saaptaachha?" and the next would be either
"eppo" or "enna..".
He probably sleeps there. Groundfloor surrounded rooms, sounds of the those servers, on occasion when I leave this place after night-shifts and pass through through this mini jungle on the way to quarters, it would all remind me the plot of game.... "Covert Strike" (though I hardly spend my time playing computer games).
"Can you take out these tablets from the cover for me?"
"OK."
I dont know what these tablets are for, are they for what we call "lakooaa" in hindi... pataa nahi... may be. I never asked him and will never ever do that in future too. I would be busy taking tablets and he would keep talking of his days. It all sometimes feel good to keep listening to people, he talks like "when I was here as supervisor....", "there was a time....." "i was once was very strong...", "during those days.." and one night when I was helping him with his T-shirt he said, "I will show you my photos tomorrow." And the next night... he again called me for few minutes, after the tablets, he took those photos out... may be of some 20-30 years back.
"This is my son.. "
"this is my daughter... " he kept talking, and I did not know anyone, was simply wondering about those days and looking at the photos that he was showing me so eagerly.
"It is all gone now..." he said it collecting the last photo from my hand and wrapped them all in the newspaper again with his slow-hand movements. Today morning he arrived to me... "aakaass...." (he forgets my name sometimes) "Can you give me two hundred rupees...." I start searching my pockets, meanwhile he looks at him and says, "we both owe a bank, he holds a small account and I owe a big one. aakass... i will give this to you after tuesday. No problem no..."
He is done with his tablets, was sitting here eating "murukku" for a while...
"Why did you put off the AC? We should maintain the temperature..."
"It is already raining out."
"Ok. Did not you bring banana today."
"No that guy refused to give me extra today"
"You should have fought with those people, when I was in those days i was close friend to the sir, our sir, even today I am like his PA, you know how his anger is... eyes will get red when he would shout at someone, who can ask anything... " slowly he walks out saying... "aaakaass.... dont forget to put on the ACs when you leave... else sir may question you tomorrow... "

It is closed

2005-11-09T20:10:00.000+05:30

I stood there near that circle, no buses in this afternoon. Usually 2:30-3:00 is the time when it is hard to find a bus. And these days i dont wait for buses, if I find one I catch it or I try to wave my left hand whenever i see a single-man bike coming. As long as you are inside the campus the thumb-rule often works and people do give lift between the main gate and the circle inside. Saw a bike coming and waved my hand at it... he applied brakes little ahead and I ran to him.
"Can you drop me till main gate?"
"Entrance?"
"Yes"
"Ok"
I sat behind and we moved ahead. On the way he asked...
"Is there any bank here?"
"Yes SBI was there behind"
"No that is closed now... any other"
"Canara bank is there. But I haven't been to it, a board will come on the right hand side."
"Ok. Let me know if it comes."
"Ok"
Little later I asked him
"Do you work here"
"No, I work for TCS"
"Software Engineer?"
"Aa... I am into Marketing"
I simply shook my head in yes sitting behind him and meanwhile i felt as if we crossed the board...
"There is the board...."
"Where?" he slowed down.
"There... i havent been to it, it is in that right turn i guess." We returned taking U turn and moved into the left side just opposite to that school.
"Actually I want to make a DD and submit it here. I am thinking to do it today itself. We will do it soon."
"Ok ok i understand"
From those quarters a two wheeler passed and he asked him...
"Sir bank is this side?"
"Go straight" he passed us.
"Ok... will bank be open now"
"I can't say" and he was out of site.
"This is Saturday today and it is also lunch time now."
"Ya ya ya... That is what i am thinking"
"Sir canara bank" he asked the security who gave a hand signal.
"I am sorry I am in urgency" he said to me.
"Take your own time, the gate is nearby.... if the bank is open then I shall leave on foot, never mind."
Stopped, parked the vehicle there and he was happy for it was open.
"Ok... no problem na. Let us check inside."
He ran in, I followed him... there were only a lady and two man chatting from their respective counters.
"sir! I want to take DD" and he said what he was there for.
They felt sorry for it was all closed.
"Can you do it now?"
"No we really can not"
"Will any bank be open now"
"Yes, that branch (at some place) will be open. What is time now... oh it will closed after 15 minutes. May be you will reach there sharply. "
"Ok I will go there then."
"Will you be able to go?"
"I have to" he said.
"Ok. Thank you. " And he ran from there... I followed him together.
Just when we were about to reach the door there.... he called again sitting at his counter...
"Will you people be able to go... time is too short"

He stopped and so I with him,

Turning back he with a great hope said, "I will try, can you do something for us, is it possible here..." and walked four more steps inside again towards the counter...
and they all togetherly said....

" No, it is closed"
"we can not... "
"go soon."

Baarish me Sarkaar

2005-11-07T19:32:00.000+05:30

After convincing them, i went into the mess... took the dinner plate, served myself and came back to a seat there. Little later he arrived, and then him... i had put a word to him that i will talk about it in detail as soon as he arrives. As they came i called each one of them waving my hand, so that they can locate me where i was sitting in the crowd in there. They came and sat before him.... he was aware of all, but he... he was partial about it,
"what is the problem?" and I said him all that happened.
"Is he always like that"
There was so much to be discussed and almost nothing for I feel there is nothing more much left in this world to surprise me. We both were talking and he was still thinking, thinking? or worried about him... yes, worried he was. I looked into his eyes, and asked,
"whats wrong?" he shook his head in "nothing".
"Dont worry much about him, it is his life how he lives with it, being his friend, we all can be with him, we all can support him, but something has to come from his side too. " And I said him whatever i could talk further to convince him. I dont know if could get rid of it, but he decided to go to room for it was raining and I did not want to miss "Sarkaar" my first movie in the OAT there. It is raining heavily? Will they put it? can not say... and we came to know it was not postponed, i thanked for this was after a long time that i felt like watching some movie and hopefully it was hindi, and whether it rains or not, if it is put i am going to watch it. He said.."I am going to room" but he came along with me. We both sat there, OAT Center portion was filled with water but the periphery, ghumaavdaar stadium ki tarah bani huyi seedhiyan baithne ke liye thi, wahaan par chairs padi thi, usually chairs are put in the middle and as far as i know are usually meant for faculties, others surround over the peirphery. But today chairs were on periphery,
"can we sit here?" I asked him...
"yes"
"or shall we go other side..."
we crossed and looked out for some dry region, not dry exactly but i must say a portion where water was not clogged.
"we will sit here" and we started staring the big screen, looking at the sky above, I said
"i dont think it will rain after this"
"hmm.. we cant say".
There was not much or should i say no crowd today. One by one people were coming.
"see this man. He comes for every movie" he said looking at one man who passed in front of our eyes.
"How do you know"
"I have seen him. i see almost every movie here."
"May be he must be associated with OAT in some way"
"Hmmmm...."
Little later the screen flashed... with ad of movie JAMES. and then started "SARKAAR". Enjoyed it completely from beginning to end. If it is Ram Gopal Verma's movie, it would either be just what i want to see or it will be all rubbish. I did not like "daud" no theme nothing but just a box everyone running behind, "bhoot" i wonder why did RGV go for it, he could not do anything in the whole movie than to show the lift-sequence going to top and coming down, but when i watched "Company" on DD i felt why cant the make movies with stuffs other than those same old love-triangles. I feel this movie like most other from RGV has continuity, you can not chose to break any sequence anywhere, the complete film-reel is just minimal. If you cut any part the film will become a puzzle. I remember somewhere in one of his interviews it was said, he always changes camera-man, never repeats them on the consecutive movie. As I was sitting and observing the movie,
"Hey is Abhishek a left hander?" I asked.
"Is it?? Bachhan is left hander i know" he replied without looking at me.
"I think even Abhishek is left hander in the previous scene he was eating holding the spoon in left hand"
"Oh i did not notice"
Even i dont notice all these, i dont know how but on a very very very rare occasions left handers escape out of my eyes. As we were watching, and talking with gaps, little later the rain started... we both got up and stood behind. And we were watching the movie standing, watching it with so much interested that i still dont know when did the rain stop and when did we came back and sat at same place again. After "company" this is another one that goes into my favorite ones, and my favorite character was that south-indian... the way he laughs "ghi ghi ghi ghi " and... those dialogues...
"agar tu mar gayaa na, to bhi woh tere ko zinda karke fir se maaregaa" and how can i forget

"hum south, par operation COMPLETE north"... :D

Monkeys and Radios

2005-11-05T06:16:00.000+05:30

Annoyed... annoyed we both were and 7-10 members including the downstairs with that one radio. They say before I joined there was an analog radio running 24 hours and they some how broke it in his absence. Nateeja yeh hua ki ek aur nayaa radio aa gayaa, this one DIGITAL and with more powerful speakers than the earlier one... We both tried to do some trick work on occasions but could not find a screw driver. Somehow on this Diwali, we both got chance to tune it properly in afternoon. He was preparing for some interview, i was lying on a side, and his friend sitting beside him.
"Hey! Monkeys..."
I woke up and looked at the window... ek bandar, khidki ke andar... not andar just beside that, it was sitting there, near the slab, two three were walking on four legs (should i call them leg or hands whatever), one or two were jumping on the trees nearby. I dont know how it clicked it to him.."Akhil ! Place the radio nearby slab, he will pick it up and take somewhere. ""Will they?""Yes, they took it another day also and he brought him from downstairs" "Ok!" and before i could get up, he himself took the radio and placed it near the window-outisde. Par bandar radio lene nahi aaye... "we will place some eatables" thodaa sa michhar-namkeen radio pe rakhaa aur..... voilaaa!!! Ek aa gayaa, he sat near and started eating the michhar, oye... radio leke jaa yaar.. bandar! bannnnnndarrrrr... radio leke jaa... but it was busy eating. After finishing the eatables, he started looking inside the room, I was thinking ki kahin yeh andar nahi aa jaye... and he was still with..... "Why he is not taking the radio". Ab jab bandar leke nahi jaa rahaa hai to... ok....
He placed some more michchar namkeen,
"hey dont show him the packet, it will come in" I said... "Is it necessary that monkey should pick it up, just assume that he has picked it up and gone."
He looked at me for what I was trying to mean, I woke up took the radio and dropped it from our window on first floor to the groundfloor... fataak fat fat... hey arr... what happened... beech me neechewali khidki ka slab... it got hanged up there. Teri jai jo teri...."let it be there" Arey yaar pahle dekh to le, agar theek thaak hoga to fir kya faayda.. we both came down... it was on the slab but the plug was hanging enough to pull it... i pulled it, we brought the cute radio into the room and checked it... it played nicely... ...kelango kelango...
"hey bhagwaaan!"
"can we get screwdriver?"
"nobody is having..."
let me check it in neabry room.. got one but it is not star-screwdriver. :(( Khoob maatha pachchi kari par nahi khulaa... took the battery cover out, someholes could be seen, a green color chip-board, ek yellow wire bhi hai, ek kaalaa bhi hai... I somehow put my small finger in and pulled out the yellow wire, "it will not talk now"
"Check it he said"
I plugged it in... and... "hey bhagwaaan"
If it is working even without that yellow wire, why that unnecessary thing was there then?? But at the time circuitory was not the thing to concentrate on, "plug the other side of the yellow wire"
Woh bhi karke dekh liyaa.. par kuchh nahi hua.. ok black now.... inserted my index finger throught that small gap and pulled the black wire.... and plugged it again... hey hey...
In the morning he messaged me.... "he is back from home, he was enquiring about the radio..."
I replied with a question... "what did you say?"
a little later it buzzed again...
"Two monkeys took it and dropped it."

Jeevan ka taar alag kar daalaa,
Do bandaron ne ek radio ka katal kar daala.... ;-)

Password please???

2005-11-04T19:53:00.000+05:30

I do it often... and I did the same while leaving to MP. I changed it and escaped to room and then to vellore and then... chhuk chhuk... train journeys.... when i returned.. i was simply hitting keyboards.... "ALA"
"ala"
"fall"
"FALL"
"sail"
"SAIL"
"WATER"
"water"
"google"
"GOOGLE"
"PASSWORD"
"password"
"enter"
"ENTER"
"change"
"CHANGE"
All in vain, tried everything I could think of in fourty minutes, but... :(((((((
Is it all gone.. fir se puraaaaaaaaa format or.... hmm.... one good thing i always do is never to dump the documents or files in C: drive. Just re-installed Win2000 on C: again, other drives as i had expected were intact as it is, it all worked fine again. :)
Using PCs has always been a different experience for me, I have always been close to computer machines as like friends, I came across a statement "Akhil is addicted to computers" few days back... it is not addiction, i guess i can not be addicted to anything, with PCs its an attachment, for these are small things that can bear anything to everything, I can spend hours or even one whole day with them, and they will bear all my nonsense with silence without uttering a word. I always treat them like "yeh meraa thaa sadiyon se meraa hi rahegaa", I hardly give my passwords to anyone, i hate if I am working alone on my PC and people come and stand behind me and start staring at the monitor no matter if am programming or browsing or doing a graphical or any other stuff. I dont like people trying to read the MS-Word document while i type it, or trying to read the poem before i complete it, i dont give my passwords easily no matter the machine would be all empty and just have been formatted, i dont share my email passwords, and even the passwords too will be so odd to guess or figure out, oh how do I say I once had an email password by name... "dogaayteenbhains" (which could be translated to english like "two cows three buffalos" without space)... :D... i change them casually and randomly, without thinking much on "what should I have my passwords as" I simply type in whatever that comes to head at that instant, just then and there. Here in the lab i change the passwords for my PC almost every three days... why? I dont know i simply do that... there are no too precious files, nor are any high important softwares of projects that I need to secure... but even then...

One sunday afternoon...

2005-11-03T20:06:00.000+05:30

"Theek hai bhaiya hum abhi aadhe ghante me aate hain".

I got up with his call...

They came picked up whatever they could, including the stand... monitor, speaker, printer, scanner and all those small-big boxes. I preserved my mini web-cam though. :)

"Appu... uncle ke yahaan jaana hai, aaj ka khaana wahi hain"I was still moving around left out traces of my dear friend, that mike, that ear-phone, and those papers thinking if I can check out any four liner slip or any phone number or any other important thing that could be lost forever...

"Chhorh de oon sabko baad me kar lena.. nahaa le fataa fat ready ho jaa... uncle ke yahaan jaana hai, aaj ka khaana wahi hain, fir hum logo ko packing bhi karni hai.. yeh sab to aake bhi dekh lena"

His words are like 'it should be done' you can suggest but you can not argue, and though he is also a good friend I know i still fear of him, and i still fear of people I admire. I had to leave the place immediately. Went to bathroom, got freshed, and by the time I was out, she too was ready... hey mummy, after a long time I saw her in churi-dar. She used to wear it when we were in Faridabad. And after coming here, she had almost given it up and started to follow saaris. Is this change for she will leave-off today... may be.

Papa had just finished the tea to half cup and had purposefully left the remaining half thinking his son will have it after bath, and the bell rang... as he went to the door, she was quick to pick it up along with other utensils that were unnecessarily lying in the hall and rushed into kitchen... it were them, the uncle and the boy came in, i was still busy with mirror and she called me from inside... Appuuuuuuuuu...
"aaaayaaaaaaaaaa...." I placed the comb there and entered in kitchen...
"Yeh le, jaldi kar woh lene aa gaye, der ho rahi hai..." she handed over the cup to me. I stood there drinking, and she started in low voice...
"Baat karte rahnaa, ho sakaa to main bhi lagaati rahungi udhar se... "
"Aap chintaa mat karo mummy main dekh loonga" but she continued...
"donon ka khayaal rakhnaa, ruchi se bhi puchhte rahanaa... lagaate rahnaa...." and her voice got even lower...
I place the cup and hugged her...
"Mummmmy, main dekh loonga..."
"aur apnaa bhi khayaal rakhnaa, kaise dubala hotaa jaa rahaa hai...." she remained quite, hugging me for a while... "aa jaaungi me january me."...soon we departed and I reached out in hall.
"Appu... uncle aa gaye hain chalen??"
"Ok!"
And soon we all were in another uncle's house... had lunch there and came back home. They both started packing,
"Yeh le appu... iss me se teri mithaai nikaal le"
"Kaunsi yeh wali"
"Jo tere ko samjh me aaye nikaal le, jitnee nikaalni hai nikaal le"And I collected Mahakaleshwar prasad with some sweets and some namkeen items which they had brought from MP. As always he rechecked everything if it was all fine, passports and documents... and he got an oinment that was about to get empty.
"Appu jaa daud ke yeh Derminol tube le aa to"
"Abhie kahaan bhej rahe ho oosko"
"Are le aayega yahin paas main to hai hi sahi"I rushed out with the sample that was about to get over... yeh dukaan band... chalo woh waali dekhte hain.... aur woh waali bhi band... i return empty handed. "Papa! Nahi mili donon dukaane band hai" Meanwhile uncle had also come...
"Kaunsaa cream hai bhai appu..."
"Derminol uncle"
"Woh to madras me bhi mil jaayega... wahin se le lena.."
"haan theek hai.. chalo.. chalo saamaan rakho"
"Appu to yahin rahega na..."
"Nahi jaayega woh udhar nikal lega hum apne idhar nikal lenge"
"Achha achha, toh theek hai appu, saaman rakh lo..." and we all went moved out. Safely packed the luggage behind, meanwhile house-owner's brother also appeared on the first floor waved a hand to him.... started... in no time we reached the bus stand. Took the luggage one by one out... and suddenly papa starts checking his pockets...
"Arey yaar appu..."
"Kyaa"
"Ek kaam kar to jaa daud ke mera charger uthaa la, wahin T.V ke plug me hi lagaa hua hai..." and that brought a silent smile on my face, I rushed back to the empty house for collecting the charger.....

Rim Jhim Gire saawan...

2005-10-27T11:44:00.000+05:30

Its raining raining raining all over here, i think i haven't seen sunlight from past one week. Got up at about 9:20 A.M. his radio was running as usual. Radio Mirchi with traffic updates, and information about weather, along with music and entertainment they are continuously asking not to go to office, schools and college etc. Checked out the verandah, bas barse jaa rahaa hai barse jaa rahaa hai, and i remembered Mukesh today... so many melodies came to my mind, just wished if I had that loudspeaker fine, I could hear "bhooli huyi yaadon" collection completely. Was humming and watching the stagnated water nearby quarters, and went little ahead and there ran a deer from those quarters, jumping fastly crossing through the compounds, it just went off passing behind our quarters, even before i could see it properly it vanished in the jungle behind. I realized i was drenched by that time. And he came,
"Hey see that water stagnated in that region."
"Yes, and it is still raining"
"I think he will not come out of room... and better you can also bunk today" I said. He just smiled.
"I want to go around the campus, will you come along with me" after insiting two or three times, he felt "come lets go." He took his cap, umbrella and we both came down, checked out, our quarters is full of water around, and more is near the gate there, we came out and took left. Holding the umbrella we just went around till SAC then right from there and again a right. People are walking with umbrella inside the campus, some are not even with it, some are with raincoats, i said him... "getting drenched is not a problem, but heavy wind that flows away touching your wet clothes... ooh we will just get freezed". and it happened a cool breeze and he said... "ooooooooooh! " soon we reached near Gurunath.
"How about some coffee, he said"
"I am sorry I came as it is"
"Its ok" we botht went in, and he said...
"Two coffee" he placed the cups under the that nescafe machine and after two minutes we were standing under the slab of that archies gift shop. A batch of students passed from there, each one with their own umbrella and he was ahead of them and the other two were behind him, he kicked on the ground splashed the flowing water on him... and he turned over to me, i smiled at him and so did he too. They went inside probably to have some snacks. After finishing our coffee, we left the slab, he folded his pants, i was already in half pants ;-) under the umbrella we both returned back, wondering at the students, some had their raincoat, under which their bag could be seen and they were sitting on cycle.
"Hey are the classes running even today?"
"Ya they are going no" he said.
"Hmm.. they will tease him i guess"
he laughed...
"just imagine they will all be sleeping in this climate and one of them goes to class, when he would return they will all sit around and say padaakoo aa gayaa"
He laughed again and... little later asked.
"This is the time when it rains here no, or is it in december?" he asked me.
"No it rains here but not as heavily, this is the first time, not first time i mean in past few years this is the heavier one."
"oh is it?'
"Yes, and it is like to continue heavily for two more days, i heard it it in radio.."
By this time we were near our quarters... they were all standing and talking.
"What man? had breakfast"
"no just a coffee" I noticed there were two deer in nearby quarters.
"Hey do you have something, i want to give it to them"
"Enough man, there is nothing to eat here and you want to feed the deers! !!." They all laughed at me and i smiled. After chatting for a while i came to room at the top, he also came with me. After getting ready we decided to go to mess, and he was in bathroom then,
"shall we lock up the room and go" i asked him.
"He cant do anything no, his keys is inside, he cant even use his cell phone"
"yes"
He banged the door and said... "we are going to mess, we are locking" and he did not respond. We just latched it without locking and came down. They were still standing and talking.
"where are you going?"
"to mess"
"it is raining da"
"we cant stop all our work for this, it will continue for next two days also" we reached the gate.. the two deer were still standing there. We folded our pants to knee level and... both under one umbrella and started towards mess...
"These are some of the best moments here, i wish i had a digicam"
"yes man"
I was just talking to him and he was listening it all responding wherever possible. Sometimes i feel what he must be thinking of me, i keep talking unnecessarily before him and he would often say "yes". But he is not as silent like me, he does talk.
"see that OAT man" and god, the theater is now more than swimming pool. It is a bigggggggggggggg bowl with full of water and villageman was standing doing something there, see it is above thigh-level. He says, the other day they used pumpsets to take the water out. And it will all continue for two more days... wow! but will it really???

KK RK and SD RD

2005-10-26T11:59:00.000+05:30

This time, I gave that walkman to Ruchi, and MP3 player to Didi. She says "bhaiya aapko chahiye to lejao, main mummy ke haath wapas bhej doongi." and i said her if I need one i will get it by myself. She wants to hear Veer Zara and kya tha woh... han... Dil hai tumhara... her taste of
music and mine is almost same, just that when it comes to oldies i have to make her understand some stuff. She doesn't take much interest in Marasim, but she remembered when she came here... "bhaiya aap woh dhuyen wala gana bol rahe the na, woh sunana" and she still remembered the hidden meaning of the song. Thinking that now even PC wont be there on week-ends, i enjoyed a lot of music on this sunday. Without music only god knows how will i survive, but no i am in no hurry to spend anything on another walkman now, sometimes i think of getting that loudspeaker repaired, but oh god i dont think he will leave it like that, i am already bugged up with his tamil radio 98.3 and 93.5 kelango kelango and that early morning at 4'o clock.... fooh! inspite we both asking him to put it off, he would just lower the volume and... I dont know when i will be able to listen the recent cassettes of "Daag" and the one of S.D. Burman that i bought from Odyssey. Lot of my favorites songs fall under KK's voice, when I think of KK i remember Rajesh Khanna (RK) ... and KK and RK both remind me of... "Apne hi giraate hain nashe man pe bijliya" and "zindagi ke safar me guzar jaate hain makaam", and not to mention "Mere naina saawan bhandon"... And when I saw "Daag" i simply could not resist to buy it for the same RK & KK combination... "aap kya jaane mujhko samajhte hain kya, main to kuchh bhi nahi", "jab bhi jee chaahe nayi duniya basaa lete hain log", I still have to listen it fully. And the S.D. Burman's when I saw the tracks i just said myself... "this is what I was looking for" heard just two tracks so far one is from bandini.... Ore maajhi... mere saajan hain oos par, main iss par... there is so much to the song, i just like it right from my childhood days. And the next one, from Guide....."Wahaan kaun hai teraa musafir tu jaayega kahaan." S.D. Burman's voice... there is lot of pain in it, infact the song from bandini seems to have been written for a female singer and i wonder why did he decide to sing it by himself... but it suits and suits best even on the video as well. R.D. Burman has done a lot to the industry, but still I can not deny the fact, that S.D. was the real boss, i believe new era and time pushed R. D. ahead but he could have never been able to create the musical charm that S.D. did with his simple instruments.

I shall miss you

2005-10-24T15:30:00.000+05:30

October 23
May be it is the last day today with you my dear friend... and i will miss you for a long time. I know he is a young kid and will be too harsh at your keyboard buttons while playing those 3-D games. Just bear with him. I dont want to say you good bye, rather i shall be thankful to you for all that I am today. It is secondary that I have always seen myself from others perspective, I am still unaware of my identity in this bigggg world, i still search a definition of mine, I am yet to understand myself, but I must say, I gained a lot from you. Whenever I look at those people, I feel content. I thank those few people around me who made me what I am, for I know well one thing about me is I am not just a piece of any crowd. I remember those days, we were all too excited, bedroom was too small to fit you in, and we were all too particular that you would not be placed in hall where everyone would come and pinch you up, ha ha... it was my second year and I was running with inch tape in the corners of this bedroom along with first year Engineering Drawing book,, pencil and Ruchi's previous record note (they always became a rough notbook for me), trying to sketch out the diagram of your stand on which you would be placed. After having it done it was only in next morning when i got up that I had to re-think, "stand will fit in the bed room lekin kyaa yeh in chhote chhote darwaaje se andar jaayega???" and had to make some corrections again. I knew what it would look like but I had to do all that stuff to make the carpenter understand the thing, and working on drawing works and drafter, ooooh! did not I tell you ED was one among three of my favorite subjects. And since then i have just been gaining from you, programming, net songs, occasionally some games, online chess, huh... few guys in college even gave me name "night owl" (infact I am still the same ;))... exchanging mails with papa, music, web-desigining, graphics, game-programming kya kya nahi kiya... and after college, group moderation, job hunt and lastly blogs.... lekin ab dheere dheere sab kho rahaa hai, it is all fading up slowly. I am becoming more and more silent, more and more reserved, I have become an observer I guess. Huh, Didi needs something to be preserved, Ruchi also has asked for some songs to be saved... myself.... I dont know, I already lost some posts, but this one i shall take, and you know i had taken some CDs already and by the time I returned from MP they were missing in the lab there... anyways I dont think now i will need them and guess this will be last file to be saved here and after that I shall format you up for the last time. I am finding it harder and harder and you know I dont get comfortable with anything with ease, I have to learn lot many things hereafter, but first I must learn to miss things. Hmm... today whole day I am going to spend with you, and you got to play songs for me, is that ok by you... ha ha... idiot kuchh bolta hi nahi hai. Ok! Before anything happens, I shall leave, its time for lunch, abhi nahaana bhi hai, agar late ho gayaa to sirf dosa idli bachega, and I can not leave my food by just talking to you silent dumb right???? Wait wait wait... let this KS song finish up... Kumar Sanuji... I must say you are gifted with a golden voice. Gadhe! voice bhi golden hoti hai kya??? he he... :D